Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

6yr old is it medical or am i a crap mum

11 replies

tegan · 03/08/2010 07:06

i have 3 dc, dd1 is 12 dd2 is 6 and ds1 is 20 months

dd1 is a very well rounded child who has never asked for anything and i have never had to speak to a teachere about because she is a joy, but dd2 is the opposite and i can't cope.

She is obnoxious, annoying, petty and just generally doesn't listen to anyone except my parents.

she constently has to annoy her siblings and won't accept no for an answer.

From birth to 3yrs she never slept any longer than a 20 minute nap every 5 hours, this is alot better now but could it of been a sign of aspergers or something similar.

i don't know weather to take her to the gp or just admit defeit with her

OP posts:
witlesssarah · 03/08/2010 09:50

Hi,

I only have one so I'm not really the person to help, I'm sure someone will be along soon with better insight.

just wanted to say that you don't sound like a crap mum, but that doesn't mean a GP is the answer. It must have been draining for all of you to have so little sleep for so long. And DD2 may still be struggling with DS's arrival. Hope you get the support you need to work through this

Chil1234 · 03/08/2010 10:12

A lot of people I know who have three children tell me that the middle one is the most challenging of the three. I suppose there's that problem of there being no specific role.... not the eldest & not the baby of the family any more... and they need to metaphorically bite and kick to make themselves heard. How does she react if you give her one on one time? Would you ever take just her for a day out and leave the other two, for example? And what is it that she likes about your parents that she'll listen to them? Good luck

pagwatch · 03/08/2010 10:17

tegan
if she is able to control her behaviour when your parents tell her what to do, if she behaves OK at school, it is far less likely to be something 'medical'.
If she has an influence upon her behaviour then it will affect her pretty much consistently.

How is she at school? What is it about your parents that you think she responds to - is their approach more structured?

DS2 has ASD and slept very poorly. But he slept poorly until he was about ten and still does at times.
His behaviour was affected by food. What is her diet like?

Al1son · 03/08/2010 11:53

I agree that you need to look at what it is about your parents that makes her willing to listen to them.

Are they more predictable and consistent?
Do they explain why they would like her to do things?
Do they pick their battles rather than being on her back for everything?
Is it because she doesn't see much of them and wants to please them when she does?

There are lots of reasons why she cooperates with them and that may be the key to you finding out how to handle her.

Very poor sleep can be associated with ASD (my DD1 had me on my knees for the first three years and is not much better now) but there are lots more indicators than that so if it's your only concern I would put ASD to one side.

If she is feeling pushed aside because of the baby you need to build up her self esteem with praise and a little special one to one time each day to make her feel special.

Think carefully what the world is like from her perspective. That may give you the answer you're looking for.

Original poster
tegan · 03/08/2010 13:10

thanks all

dd has had issues at school too mainly with her very quick temper. if she doesn't want to do something you won't budge her and she has had spells of lashing out at other kids which resulted in most of her reception year spent in the heads office.

i too believe that she has issues with being a middle child whereas when she is on her own at my mums she is an angel which i belive is due to the fact she has 1 to 1 attention.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 03/08/2010 13:26

Then that's your answer. Deliberately find time in your week to treat her and your other children as individuals and give them more one on one time. A special Mum & DD2 day out, for example, is always lovely. She gets you all to herself and you can say how much you've enjoyed getting to know her better.... etc. If she feels that she doesn't have to always pull the stroppy madam act to get somewhere she'll tone it down.

IndigoBell · 03/08/2010 18:48

Well, spending most of reception in the headteachers office is unusual. She definately could have ASD. It's not going to hurt to talk to the gp and see what she thinks. Some autistic kids do behave like they're spoilt when they're not. They're autistic.

Al1son · 03/08/2010 20:25

Are there other things about being with her grandparents which help her, tegan?

Is there a very predictable secure routine during that time?

Could it be that she's better with fewer people or can relate better to adults than her peers?

Is it a quieter environment so which means she doesn't have sensory overload?

Do they manage the time by avoiding things which upset her like last minute changes or unfamiliar faces?

If these are what makes it ok for her can you recreate this environment and see if it improves her behaviour for you?

These things could be an indicator of ASD.

Original poster
tegan · 04/08/2010 06:58

alison - everything u have said we do as she has to have a routine (but i am like that) and she is better in an adult 1 to 1 situation a than in a class full of kids.

i think i will try to have a day with her but it's diffuicult to do as i can't expect my parents to have my other children

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 04/08/2010 08:06

Go to the gp. You have nothing to lose.

Original poster
tegan · 04/08/2010 08:13

i am going to make an appointment today

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page