Constant whining and negative attitude in my 3 year old

[northerner]

Take this morning as an example, ds comes into our bedroom at 7am:

First words to me are 'oh Mummy you put a pull up on me last night, I don't wear pull ups anymore'

followed by 'Oh Mummy I didn'ts sleep in your bed last night'

'Oh Mummy I wanted to choose my Weetabix'

'Oh Mummy I don't want to get dressed'

'Naughty Mummy you switched the television off'

'You didn't buy be the builders set from Asda last week'

Repeat each sentance 150 times in a whiny voice and you get the gist.

Is this normal? Cause it's driving me wild.

Yes it's normal. Drives me insane, no answers sorry. I just say to DS (3.10), "please don't talk in that whiney voice, I won't answer you unless you speak properly". Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
It grinds you down doesn't it?

I also have a DD1 award winning whinger aged 3.5 yrs. I almost feel I cannot cope with it which sounds very dramatic. This morning we had the usual tirade of not wanting breakfast/cup/ spoon/plate/clothes/teethbrushing/fash washing type issues. Unfortunately, I really lost if this morning and manhandled her into her clothes. It is a full day at nursery for her today, so I then bundled her and DD2 (aged 1 - and of completely different temprament) into the car and can honestly say I was pleased to be shot of her..... god what a terrible mother! Now of course I feel extremely guilty but am dreading picking her up as it all just starts again. She has been like this since she was a tiny baby. Someone must have some pearls of wisdom. Sorry Northerner, this is of no use to you at all apart from you are not alone!

Lol at manhandling her into clothes.

Will they growout of it I wonder?

god help us if they don't.

Dd is 4.10 still really whingey and moany and now has added defiant stubborn patronising and arrogant to her list! She has all the attitude of a rebellious teenager. But only for me, good as gold for everyone else!

Sometimes if she starts really whining on ill start singing a nursery rhyme and this can work quite well but not to be used all the time as the effect then wears off!!

Have no idea how to stop it or cope with it she's driving me mad and part of me cannot wait til she goes to school and i can get a break from it so looneymum not a terrible mother at all, i wish i could be shot of mine for a while!

It does help her though if everything is explained clearly to her so she knows what we're doing each day and roughly when and for how long etc.

Also bribery and threats!

Again - if there is one thing in my DD that really stands out (a negative thing) it is her constatnt whining and 'poor me' attitude! It drives my Dp bonkers! Example, she had been on a day out to the lakes and we had taken her best friend. She complained/cried all day, got in the car to come home and starting crying/whining she was hungry so i stopped off at shop and bought 2 dairylee stacking thingymabobs and some buttons. Response ....."Oh mummy, i wanted to open it, tut ohhhhh mummmmmyyyyyyyy i wanted chicken not ham" To which my Dp replied in a rather loud, angry glaswegian bellow "how about THANKYOU MAMMY!"
Its good to know im not alone and i may even show this thread (and many others like it) that we are not alone in having the worlds most ungrateful, whining, spoilt little madam on the planet! (we do love her tho!!!!)

Why do you think the term "threenager" was coined?!

DD is 4.5 by the way - and we have also done the 'not answering whilst talking in the whingey voice' thing and it does work sometimes!

So after the terrible twos tantrums, stroppy threes and bossy, whingey fours - what next - please for the love of god - somebody stop these phases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have another admission.... as I have blown my top a good few times with her this week, I said to her "oh shut up whinging, whining and going on and on" (very cruel and unforgivable). Obviously this has no effect on a three and a half year old and only made me feel that I am the grown up and should be leading by example. Unfortunately, this morning I overhead her telling her dolls and teddies off for whinging and whining. For some reason, I can't seem to ignore her whiney behaviour. I think it just knocks me over the edge.

i can handle the naughty things, well i can work through them anyway!
The whining - instant snap! Like a kit kat!

This all sounds so familiar. Ds (aged 3.5) starts every day with "is daddy going to the office, I don't want him to go to the office" - constantly and in a teary voice.

I find the only way to deal with it is to answer in a (fake) positive voice, "yes he will be going, but will be back in the evening and will play with you".

Also ds blames me whenever anything gets lost, "oh no mummy you lost my spacerocket/car/bus/teddy etc." - I just say "come on then let's go and look for it".

The way I see it, they will have negative feelings and and they need to be able to deal with them so I try to set an example by trying to put a positive spin on these situations.

I could handle the whinging when she was younger it didnt seem to bother me that much but now shes older i feel she should know better theres no need any more but she cant ask nicely for anything or tell me something nicely its always in a whingey whiney way and im so fed up with it, especially as she can be so polite and lovely for other people, why cant i get that?!

She does have her good days though, think alot of its either shes bored, over excited, tired, wants attention, frustrated by something or just woken up in a bad mood. If we dont have any of that then shes fine!!

Was talking to another Mum at nursery this morning when i dropped ds off. And, yes, her son is exactly the same.

Today is my birthdta, and this morning, whilst opening my cards, ds was whining 'Oh Mummy, I want it to be my birthday' and 'Oh Mummy, I wanted to open a birthday card'

Aaaaargggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I recognise this too. DS is just gone 4 and specialises in manipulative whining (don't know why cos I swear we've never given into it).

Typical examples:

'Mummy can you help me?' I go & help then get 'But I wanted to do it' accompanied by tears or shouting depending on mood.

'No, I wanted the orange cup' - with more tears or whines and when we say the drink is the same whatever cup it's in he says 'It does matter' and stamps his feet.

Or, if we ask him to mind out as he's about to fall on his baby sister (cos he's jumping about or doing something stupid) and he ignores us so we pick him up and move him or pull him out of the way (gently) and he then shouts 'naughty mummy, you hurt me'

The other thing that is so annoying is when he ignores the request to stop doing something daft and just says 'how many times do I have to tell you?' just as I'm about to say it!

yes. Hoping he'll grow out of it soon. He starts school in a few weeks so I'm sure they won't tolerate it!

Oh yes 'Naughty Mummy' I get that alot too.

Halleluja we are not th only people dealing with a little monster. I love DD (3.5) to pieces and on a good day I have no complaints, unfortunatley these seem to be few and far between at the moment. I am due to drop in 12 days time and my temper is on a non existent fuse. The closer we get to my due date the clingyer, moanier and more frustrating she gets. I am ashamed to say that I ended up sending her to bed the other day after lunch rather than deal with the whinging and moaning because I could feel myself snapping. DH is getting fed up of it as soon as he comes in from work she starts moaning to him as well. She has forgotten how to say please and thankyou as well. However as with everyone else this abhorent behaviour is reserved for mummy and daddy, she is as good as gold for any/everyone else. She starts nursery every afternoon on 14th September and I can't wait to get a bit of peace. I am left feeling inadequate and as if I am a bad mother.

OMG - I was going to start a thread on just this, today!!

ds1 is 3.8 and spends most days from 6.30am - 7pm whinging and whining and it's driving me MAD... I can cope with tantrums - not that he ever had many, so I suppose we thought we'd got away with it, but the constant whinging just really gets my back up.

I try to stay calm, but as I start to get irritated it just starts him off again. Aarggghh!!

I was going to ask in my thread when it stops - do they reach 4 and magically start to talk in a normal voice again?!

dot1 dd2 is 4 today - will keep you posted whether she has miraculously grown out of tantrums and whining

Mummyhill - it's good to know there's lots of us with same problem isn't it? I have a 3.5 yr age gap between my two and ds did get more clingy when dd was born but he is over the worst of it.

He's always been really affectionate toward his little sister - it was me he took it out on - refused to come & see me in hospital for instance.
We bought him a present from his new sister and really made an effort to make sure he felt included - I think this helped.

As for the general whining though - I think that's just part of the phase they're going through and getting fed up with it doesn't make us bad mothers I'm sure

Dot 1 - "do they reach 4 and magically start to talk in a normal voice again?! "

IME - NO - they just get cleverer at what they whine about & start using logic as to why 'it's not fair' ! Sorry.

we treat whining as naughty behaviour and take action - naughty step, or pasta out of jar. that has helped quite a lot.

northerner that was my ds at exactly the same age, he was almost like a manic depressive.

Now he is not nearly as bad (he is almost 5 now) but can clearly remember the constant whining... "aawwww, you didnt let me come down the stairs first.......aawww, you didnt let me pour milk on my cereal etc etc."

he made me feel like screaming, but he has grown out of it now.

although the other day he came running in from the garden crying and said " mummy, the buzzy bees and flies and lady birds are picking on me........"

(picking on him means flying around him!!! what a wuss!!!)

Tiredmamma - yeah - that's another favourite of my ds - 'I wanted to be first' (more tears).

Doesn't matter how many times we tell him it's not a race (going up/down stairs, getting to the post, finishing a meal etc.... )

What do you do? Ignore it? Let him 'win'? Tell him to stop crying cos it doesn't matter?

gosh its hard, he turns into a quivering wreck if hes not first, the other day we were playing "pick a pair" card game and i eventually had to let him win (not before letting him turn over every card until he found the match of a little red trike), he cannot understand that he cant win everything, i need to drum it into him before he starts school next week, otherwise im going to have big problems on sports day!!!