Controlled crying - any one done this/support please?

[Murtola]

I know this is a contentious subject so please don't flame me but I am at my wits end with my DD and tonight I am going to try CC.
She is 5.5 months and hasn't slept more that 3.5 hrs since she was born. I think she has become dummy dependent, and wakes frequently through the night, when I have to replace the dummy & shush/pat her back to sleep. However I am totally exhausted and have a 2.5 yr old toddler to deal with aswell. She is EBF. She is in a routine and naps okish during the day but again during her lunch time nap I have to be on hand if she wakes to encourage her back for a longer nap.
So tonight we are going to throw the dummies away and do CC. Any success stores or support?
Thanks in advance x

My top tip would be to do CC at the beginning of the night, to enable her to get the hang of getting to sleep on her own. In the middle of the night, when you're all frazzled and worried about waking the neighbours/partner then do whatever it takes, cuddles, presence, whatever you'd normally do (short of offering food, which perpetuates the habit of midnight eating).

That really worked well for us - once a baby can get to sleep on its own at bedtime, then it can normally quickly learn to re-settle in the middle of the night. But I'm not sure how it would work for a dummy-related sleep problem, it'll probably be trickier - but the theory still holds - a baby who can start to sleep without their dummy should be able to resettle. It's the shock of semi-waking and being confronted with change that leads to trouble - Richard Ferber compares it with turning over in the middle of the night and finding some stalker's nicked your pillow - you'd be pretty startled if that happened.

Sympathies murtola. May I suggest rather than launching straight into cc you just take away the dummy. You'll have a few tough days where she'll be craving it but you stay with her to help her to sleep that way you're only changing one thing at one time and not the only and whole way she knows how to sleep. You might find with it gone the waking issue fixes itself. This is what I did and it largely resolved the problem (he soon found his hands!) and no need for cc which I can only imagine is heart breaking to listen to, and i'venever done. Make sure you have someone with you to help dd become non dummy dependent if poss, maybe one day one/off and once you take it away NO GOING BACK!! Good luck!

we did cc with dd1 at 6 months. She had a comfort blanket not a dummy though - went through the dummy returning with dd2 though so I feel your pain!

We warned the neighbours and went for it- I was at my wits end too and she definitely wasn't hungry. She was bottle feeding though so I could tell she wasn't drinking any milk offered.

It worked- big improvement by day 3 and by two weeks she was sleeping through. Once you decide to go for it you should try to pesevere or you did it all for nothing.

It wasn't easy- she cried and I did too but I'm glad we did it.

Good luck.

My advice is that if you are going to do controlled crying is to read Ferber's book. There is a lot more to sleep training that controlled crying. IIRC, he doesn't recommend starting until 6mo at the very earliest.

We recentley ditched the dummy with DS2. He gets stimulated very easily so we used a CC approach. It wasn't to get him to sleep through neccessarily, but just to be able to settle without the dummy.

First night we put him down as usual and he cried for about 45mins. Was awful. I stayed in the room for the first half but was worried i was actually antagonising him more so started going in every 3 mins till he went off. He then woke a couple of times in the night and I fed him, as each time it had been more than 4 hours so wanted to make sure he wasn't hungry.

We did the same for naps too.

It took longer than I thought, although after the first night he only cried for a few mins, he was still doing this 2 weeks later - and sometimes waking and screaming the house down only 45mins after he'd gone down. So we've tweaked it a bit and if he is really screaming when I try to put him down I will feed him to sleep. If he is just grumbling then I give him 10mins and he will either drop off, or it will build to a scream so I will feed him.

I also have a toddler to look after, so DS2 is invariably overtired when I manage to get him down for a nap, so it is unreasonable to expect him to be able to settle himself then. But without the dummy now we have pretty much eliminated the 45min nap thing, which used to drive me mental! Now, if he naps for only 45mins I assume that is because that is all he needed and will get him up.

As i said we did it to get rid of the dummy not to get him sleeping through the night, and he now sleeps from approx 7pm to 8am with maybe one waking in the evening (still don't know why he does that!) and then once in the middle of the night. So much better!

Good luck - keep posting to let us know how you get on.

Thanks all. Its not that I mind being up in the night to feed her, but she isn't hungry, she just wakes alot and can't get herself back to sleep, and I think I haven;t helped by always jumping straight in there to get her back to sleep so I can sleep and she doesn't wake my son. I have read so many books and nothing seems to work for her, and she is tired in the day and she is yawning & rubbing her eyes, so I think if it does work it will benefit us both.

Morning
Just wanted to update. It went really really well. She fell asleep after her bedtime feed but the minute I put her in the cot she rooted for dummy. This led to 45 mins of crying, I went in every 5 mins. She was asleep within the hour. I dreamfed her at 11, she stirred/cried out a few times in the night but resettled herself and didn't want feeding again until 4.30am! And she went straight back to sleep after! She woke about 6ish and was wide awake but not crying so I left her to play in her cot and she went back to sleep!
I am totally amazed, I know its only night one but this is the best night we have both had since birth. I am so pleased I decided to throw the dummies away.
I wonder what nap times today will bring!

We found nights 2 & 3 were slightly worse as ds knew what was coming! Hopefully you will have a different experience.

I found it difficult to clock watch before you were meant to return so i had a job to do instead ie ironing, washing etc it helped pass the time and got loads of jobs done!!

Oh Gosh, I'm really sorry OP but I just scrolled down tos ee she is younger than 6 months - and you've decided she's too big for a dummy, despite the fact she cried for it for nearly an hour?

That makes me really

With all due respect Flightt... why do you think it is helpful for the OP to know you feel sad?

She has explained in her OP her reasons for doing this. It might not be how you would deal with the situation. Her DC is 5.5mo, will 2 weeks really make such a massive difference? Not really will it?

Of course she was going to cry for her dummy, it was a habit. The OP didn't leave her to cry, she comforted her.

It would be nice to have a thread on here about CC that is honest and constructive rather than it turning into a flaming of people who have chosen it as valid option to deal with a problem.

Rant over .

Well done Murtola, glad it worked so well. I did controlled crying for my DS (& much, much earlier than 5.5 months ) - it worked brilliantly but I rarely comment on it on Mumsnet anymore as the subject gets so much flaming.

Thanks all for the support. As I said, this was not a decision I took lightly at all, and having exhausted all other avenues, and having not slept for 5 months (me or her) it was a last resort. And as you said Chunkamatic, I didn't leave her to cry, I was constantly reassuring her.
Pinkem, I do wonder what tonight will bring but I am prepared!

Another small update - asleep for a morning nap within 15 minutes, no real crying just a grizzle. Good girl!

Good luck! There's only so long you can go without sleep before losing your sanity and it can't be good for your litle one always waking up.

I'm really sorry if it came across in any way as flaming but tbh I really struggle, personally, to see CC as a valid option.

This is my personal view and I didn't intend to cause any bad feeling - just commenting as I was passing and read through the thread.

There are usually dissenters on CC threads but we do try and remain respectful and reasonable without causing too much upset, I think.

Again sorry if I have offended anyone but I suppose I feel a need gently to challenge the received thinking on CC when I see it going unchallenged. I'll butt out now.

Hope things work out well for you Murtola

I wasn't offended Flighattendant, as Mum's we all do things differently and thats what makes the world go round isn't it.
I too am against leaving a baby to cry, but last night I waswith her throughout reassuring, and today for both naps she hasn't cried, just grizzled and got herself to sleep. So to me it was worth it as she will sleep better = a happier baby who isn't tired all the time.

Thanks Murtola, I am glad she seems Ok

I am a pretty rubbish parent in many ways so no hard feelings from here, and no judging...as you say, we are all different.

Sorry if you feel as if I jumped on you Flightt.

Murtola is right, we are all different and make different choices. I'm sure for some people it is easy to make the decision to let the baby cry it out from a young age, just as I am sure that for some people it is easy to take the decision to comfort and help their child to sleep no matter how long it takes or what is involved. But I think most of us fall probably somewhere in the middle of those two.

I have ended up doing CC with both my DS's now, for different reasons each time. I was so against the whole idea of it with DS1 that it almost cost me my relationship with DP. It was not much better the 2nd time round with DS2. Both times I got to the situation where I did not know what else to try... personally I could have put up with the broken sleep a lot longer but it had a big effect on my DP and he has to be considered too.

Anyway, without going on anymore, it is easy to assume that CC is done as some quick-fix solution for parents who can bear to leave their DC's to cry and my point is that for me, and probably many other parents, it is a very hard decision taken under difficult circumstances.

Oh flight I'm sure you're a great mum! I'm sure we're all trying our best and that's all you can do isn't it really

Thanks Raejj for your kindness - and Chunk, I completely get where you are coming from.

The fact was I had no partner when each of mine was tiny, and reading your post and others I now feel grateful for that.

It allowed me a LOT of space, we all went to bed together, all in one bed often, just me and first ds1 then ds2.

I had a couple of partners who stayed occasionally and it always made it very tough on ds1 because he had to be ousted from the bed, somehow, and there was pressure from all quarters to get him into his own room, but it was a sad thing to be doing and never lasted long.

So what I am trying to say is I have very little experience of trying to please everyone, and as I wasn't working then I really could do as the kids wished - ironically though them being in my bed with milk or cuddling on demand made them absolutely brilliant sleepers and usually I got loads of kip! They just were really happy in my bed.

I have recently acquired a partner and although I love him very much, it has a knock on effect on sleeping arrangements. I think trying to hold down a job, keep a partner or husband happy and also the baby must be incredibly hard to do.

So all due respect really. I should probably not have said anything. There are always compromises in parenting aren't there.