Very clingy 16mth old boy, advice please?

[francis]

My 16mth old son seems to be petrified of other poeple and not just strangers. The only people he's comfortable with are myself, his dad and 1 of his grandparents (she looks after him twice a week while I work). As soon as he sees other members of my family and my husbands family or any friends he screams (and it's generally when me or his dad's there), gets extremely upset and is inconsolable. This has been happening for 2-3 months now and it's really upsetting me as I feel I don't want to go visit anyone. The only way he stops is to leave him on his own. There is no pattern whatsoever that I can see as to who he cries at. Any advice please?

hi francis - my son is 16 mths old too, and whilst not he doesn't always cry, he is going through a stage of not wanted to be near anyone else but my husband or i - if anyone else comes near him, he buried his head in our legs and just stays there (sometimes for 15 minutes or more) - i am not sure what to do about this too, but to date, have just been using the gently gently approach - i sit him on my lap, sit opposite the person he is "scared/shy" of, and then talk to that person normally - usually after a little while he gets used to that person, and then will climb down off my lap and do his own thing

hi francis - my son is 16 mths old too, and whilst not he doesn't always cry, he is going through a stage of not wanted to be near anyone else but my husband or i - if anyone else comes near him, he buried his head in our legs and just stays there (sometimes for 15 minutes or more) - i am not sure what to do about this too, but to date, have just been using the gently gently approach - i sit him on my lap, sit opposite the person he is "scared/shy" of, and then talk to that person normally - usually after a little while he gets used to that person, and then will climb down off my lap and do his own thing

Clinginess is so heartbreaking and i'm never sure how to handle it. is he any happier when seeing people in his own home? given 20 minutes or so, does he calm down? i dunno. ds is pretty clingy at the moment and I am fairly panicked about it. he's 19 mo.

Hi koalabear. I had a health visitor come round today and she tells me he's perfectly normal. She thinks he may be shy and feel a bit insecure so needs constant reassurance from myself and his dad that everything's ok. Admittedly I have been getting rather upset about this which she said is probably not helping the situation as he picks up on this. He does get used to people but it takes at least an hour sometimes longer. The other problem is he's never crawled, and only just started walking but still not got the confidence to walk everywhere on his own. So hopefully they'll be some improvement over the next couple of months. Many thanks for your message. Francis.

Hi acnebride. Thank you for your message. He's not really any happier when people visit home as opposed to us visiting people but thinking about it, he doesn't take as long to calm down. Usually takes an hour at least and longer if we're elsewhere. My health visitor tells me he's probably just naturally shy and will want his mum/dad more than other children so it's perfectly normal. Also, once he's more confident in walking that will probably give him a boost. Difficult to know what to do, eh. Thanks again, Franics.

To Acnebride or koalabear. How long have your children been clingy for? Mine has been 2-3months. I'm hoping once he gets to the walking confidently and talking stage things will be better.

he's been clingy since about 13 months old - i think maybe it is when he started to work out that he was a little individual - also, i read somewhere that at this age, they don't understand you being in another room - if they can't see you, they think you don't exist!!!! in any case, i'm just going to continue reassuring him and not pushing him into anything he's clearly showing me he's not ready for - i think he'll come around - next month he is going to start at nursury for a couple of mornings, and i think that may help too

Thanks koalabear. It's good to know we're not alone. I admit lately I have been tending to stick to the "leave him, he'll get used to it" more and that's definitely not working! He probably thinks I'm awful. So I will perservere and keep reassuring him. He's on a waiting list for nursery, should be starting within a couple of months so hopefully that will build his confidence too.

It's come and gone. I think he first showed some signs of clinginess around 14/16 mo, then it seemed to fade, and then he has been much clingier in the last two weeks. This morning was just heartbreaking, he wanted a cuddle, and he just settled into a supercuddle position (back to the world, head in my neck, hand patting my shoulder) and stayed really quiet and still for ten mins or so (unheard of!) and was obviously hoping that if he kept quiet I'd just forget to move. Oh God. Without a doubt I am permanently warping his personality by going to work.

Not much help am i...

oh ab - how sweet!