my 19 month old son is a nightmare HELP

[zomic]

He hits, slaps, pulls my hair, doesn't seem to like me at all, but is lovely to his dad! he has recently started going to day nursery 4 times a week, they have told us he has got into a few fights and that the other children run away from him when he starts his screaming!! He keeps coming home with bite marks which I am worried about as biting is something he hasn't started yet but can see that happening soon! We have a nightmare at night with him too, as we share a bedroom with him and although he has never really been a great sleeper, in the last 2 weeks or so he has started waking and just screaming high pitched screams every hour or so which means we are getting no sleep whatsoever! I feel like the worst mum in the world because I just feel I cannot cope with him, my dp seems to have all the patience in the world and i just feel like all i do is bitch and moan all day long about ds and his behaviour, he also throws almighty tantrums seems like all day long over silly little things like if his banana breaks that can go on for what seems like hours! he can be very sweet and affectionate and loves singing and dancing and those moments are beautiful and i love him to pieces but at the moment life just seems to be one big misery, I suppose the one thing I do really need help with is knowing how to cope with the lack of sleep and how to handle him waking up so many times because we are finding that because he is in our room we are rewarding his behaviour just to get sleep ie. giving him his dummy, etc. please any advice, anyone, I'm at the end of my tether and hate feeling like I dont want to be around my own ds.

I think it sounds as though he's struggling with nursery quite badly. The bad behaviour there and with you at home & the nightmares would suggest that he's distressed. He shouldn't be coming home from nursery with bite-marks.... the staff should not be allowing that to happen. Some children donot cope well with lots of other children and are better with a child-minder where it is more one-on-one. Do check the place out thoroughly and consider finding different child-care.

I would agree with Chil. Children that go to nursery under the age of 3 years for long periods are more likely to be agressive and disobedient. Could you try and find a childminder or work less??

The thing is is that he goes to a nursery which is in the same building as my dp and as i dont drive it's easier putting him in there,it also seems like a really nice place he's always very excited on the mornings that he goes to nursery, he grabs his little bag and waits at the door all giddy, so I just thought he loved going, also my dp says he runs in happily enough and never seems upset to go in or anything like that. To be honest he has never really been an easy child, nothing like ds1, so maybe it's me, I do sometimes feel I compare them a bit too much, but there is an 8 yr gap so maybe i've just forgotten!! The sleep thing is wearing us all down though and his behaviour is really bad tantrums all the time,and he is always hitting,scratching , pulling hair sometimes I am wary to even go near him and find it easier to let dp handle him, but i feel I could probably cope better if i was getting some sleep! I feel awful because I just resent him all the time and really he is just a little baby, I will speak to my dp though about maybe getting a childminder rather than putting him in nursery as maybe he finds the other children a bit too much! Thankyou for your comments.

My DS2 EXACTLY the same. I am also wary of hime because he comes in for a cuddle then, pow, bites, pinches or whacks me. Makes me really quite sad as other DC's not like this at all.
Have you thought about putting him in his own bedroom. None of ours slept in our bedroom past 6 months and all good sleepers now.
Maybe one of you is waking him up, ie snoring or just breathing loudly. If he is a light sleeper he may do better in his own room with no noises around him.

Would love to put him in his own room but unfortunately we are in a two bed house. long story really, we moved here because we had to, my dp bought the house a few yrs ago and was renting it out but we had to move in when the tennants moved out. We are hoping to split our bedroom into 2 as it's quite large. I think this is what's been upsetting me, I didn't want to move here as I knew ds2 would eventually need his own room and now he's been in with us over a yr I think he's got used to it and I can only imagine that when he gets his own room he will get even worse because it will be so strange for him! AlisonDubois It is like that with me too, He comes up to me all smiley and whack I get a smack in the face or he tries to scratch my eyes out He seems to love his dad and grandad who dont do half as much for him as me yet i'm the one who gets the battering lol. I just feel as though i can't get close to him and it makes me so sad because ds1 and i have the best relationship, i was hoping it would be the same with ds2 but he doesn't want to know. I'm just so exhausted trying to deal with his bad temper and nastiness sometimes i just want to run off and leave him with his dad, obvoiously I wouldn't but it's a thought I often have, oh god I sound so sorry for myself, just venting!

Zomic, I feel for you, I really do.
I am in same stuation with mine but I know he will wvwntuaaly grow out of it and will give me a 'real' cuddle one day.
Get that bedroom partition up asap. It will be good for you and DS.
Keepc smiling!