8 year old DD suddenly very defiant and challenging

[toastandslippers]

My 8 year old DD has become very prone to mood swings and is regularly defiant - doing things that she has been expressly told not to. Examples - cycling along side the road (when told to keep in the garden); taking my phone at night to play with under the bed covers. She's also started arguing back in a much more challenging way - lots of 'you can't make me', 'shan't'. Am now often told am a horrible mother, notices are put on her door telling me to keep out etc, etc! In between - of course - she is very loving, full of energy and zing, constantly on the go and buzzing with chat and ideas. Why is she now so difficult to deal with? We take away 'privileges' such as TV/computer and make lots of threats. I feel my parenting skills are all based on negativity at the moment and feel very jaded. It also causes conflict between DH and me. He's tougher on her and gets very angry when she defies him (or blatantly ignores him when she sees him in the morning/evening). I'm probably less harsh with her, but no pushover! Any thoughts on where to go with this? Any one else dealt with a very challenging 8 year old? Help!

Hello, please don't worry as this is perfectly normal. By this age, children are completely aware of being a separate person and it's a normal part of their development to want to make their own decisions, have increasing amounts of autonomy and go out there and find out what it's all about. And it sounds like you have a live wire there, full of intelligence and life.

I do understand how you feel about the -ve parenting, and if you could break the cycle, it would benefit the whole family. Could you try to 'catch' good behaviour, however small, and acknowledge it? Hard to do, also, but how about just ignoring some of the behaviour totally (and therefore not 'rewarding' it - even negative attention is a reward for the bad behaviour)

I don't think taking away privileges works at all for some children. It didn't work for me! If there's one kind of behaviour you can't stand, you could give her a tick-chart to show whenever she made the decision to avoid it, and then give her a reward at the end of the week. I don't think 8 is too old for that.

Thanks aegeansky. Wise words indeed. I'll definitely take on board idea of simply ignoring some of her actions. Frankly it will be a relief to do so. And will draw up a 'I Didn't Strop Today' tick chart! Thanks again.

Hi toastandslippers, thanks, hope it works out! Keep us posted.