HELP. 19 month old DS just threw the worst tantrum ever for almost 40 minutes - how do I handle it in future?

[BambinoBoo]

Screaming, crying, kicking, slapping. It was awful, I thought he was going to be sick. Everyone tells me to make sure it isn't something else and keep him safe then ignore it but when I did that today, he copped on pretty quickly, walked over to me all happy and normal, I cuddled him and tried to get his attention on something else then he totally kicked off again. He's too young for me to reason with him I think and although he does understand plenty, his speech is limited to a few words which is probably part of the problem.

DH (stay at home Dad) has taken him for a walk so that will calm him down hopefully. I asked if DS gets like this usually when I'm at work (working from home today as am sick), and he said "Not really this bad" . I want to cry as didn't know what the hell to do for those 40 minutes and feel such a shit mum and person for admitting that, and hate that I work and am always tired from the commute and that's probably why DS is kicking off - because I leave him every day for work.

How do I handle it in future, just ignore totally or try and reason and hope that he understands more than he lets on.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Don't panic.
Happens to us all.
Just be thankful it wasn't in a supermarket!! Had a couple of them from ds! (22 months)

Could be a number of things - could just be out of kilter because you are home, could be tired, could be feeling rubbish himself (if you are sick, he might be feeling poorly but unable to tell you).

It's def. not your fault - just something that happens.

We usually ignore it, distract and if it's pretty bad take him to his cot and let him cry it out. Sometimes it's over-stimulation and they just need 5 mins to chill and get it back together.

Don't try and reason - often makes it worse!

i highly recommend book by harvey karp called 'the happiest toddler on the block' - very sensible down to earth advice on tantrums - has been incredibly helpful to me dealing with ds2 age 2 (and even ds1 age 9, wish i'd read it sooner)

sounds bizarre, but main method is what he calls the Fast Food Rule, which is to repeat back to the child, in their own simple language, what the problem is (ie like in a fast food restaurant you say 'burger and chips' and they reply 'burger and chips, ok'), in order to acknowledge to them that you understand what they are cross about. this seems to defuse the situation 9 times out of 10.

i use it a million times a day.

for example, this mornign ds2 didn't want to leave the park and could see a row brewing

so i say to him 'no no no, you say no, you don't want home, you want to stay park!' (and make exaggerated facial expressions), there is a bit more to it in the book but well worth reading as i had instant results...

ds2 also was a very late speaker (has only just started to communicate well enough for others to begin to understand, and he's 2y6m) and i think that does make life incredibly frustrating... hence why the 'repeating what the problem is' thing is especially useful cos it takes away that frustration

Thanks all so much, I was in hair pulling mode for a while back then. I shall certainly check out that book LadySanders.

I think the problem might be that when we are all together at the weekend, we usually do stuff, go to the park etc but as I'm not well (sinus infection), I'm kind of holed up in the office but DS must think it's family time. DH is going to take him for a long walk and run in the park so hopefully that will make things better. Good grief, it's not disimilar to having a puppy sometimes.

Mutt I did leave the room and go to the kitchen, then DS came in all happy and as soon as I took his hand, he flipped again. It's hard to know when the tantrum is really over - am first time mum too so every stage is new to me.

Ahh, thanks Mutt. I am wondering how much DH is ignoring these little wobblies when I am at work, as after about 5 minutes today he said, "oh, he's getting in a right state, he might make himself ill". Think we will need to have a chat and ensure we are consistent.