2.5yr old pulling hair out - getting serious

[hellojed]

Hey all.

We have two girls, one 4 and one 2 and a half. The 2.5yr old has, over the past 3 or so months, been pulling her hair out.

It always seems to be part of a routine which she usually does before sucking her thumb. She'll put her hand on the top of her head and pull it down, removing great strands of hair and then sucks her thumb.

Whilst we'd be a more worried (not than we are already mind you) if she just sat down and started pulling our her hair this does seem to be more of a developed habit from sucking her thumb.

We've tried everything to stop her, from telling her not to (which usually means she then does it on purpose) to ignoring her in the hope the problem will go away.

It's now at the point where one half of her head is so fine you can see her scalp and obviously we're desperate. Plus sometimes the hair comes out in her poo which I'm sure isn't too good!

We mentioned it to our health visitor who said she couldn't believe our daughter was doing this, that it was very extreme and serious behaviour and that she'd never heard of it before which, too be honest didn't help. We know it's serious but her repsonse didnt make us feel any better. She also said she would refer this onwards and to date (some weeks later) has done nothing which further adds to our worry.

Please can anyone offer any suggestions or advice??

Regards

hellojed

Our son did this - he twirled a certain spot of his hair when tired - it was habitual - and also pulled his hair out from this area when in a rage (about 2 onwards, of course!)

The way we dealt with it:

Rage pulling - completely ignored it in the end, as he realised it upset us and did it to get attention when having a strop. It soon stopped.

Tired/comfort pulling - this might not be so easy for a girl, but we had his hair cut really short so he couldn't physically wind it round his fingers or get hold of it to twist/pull it. It took a while, but this broke the habit. I guess you could try (you probably have) tying her hair up in some way?

He still does (aged 3.5) twist his hair when tired (but then so do I...) but you can now tell him to stop and he doesn't seem to do it with the same ferocity that used to leave a bald patch.

Hope this helps.

Hi hellojed.

Personally I don't think this is an attention thing unlike most rebelious behaviour. I think she probably just likes the feeling. I know it sounds strange but i would imagine it's about control. I wouldn't ignore it, but 2.5 is an akward age for punishment.

If it were mine I think I would possibly take her fav toy away, but warn when it looks like she might do it. Then maybe talk to her about a special treat at the end of each week if she doesn't pull.

Also, how about buying her a doll which has really long pretty hair and buy her a little toy brush. Encourage her to look after the dolls hair and she may want to look after her own.

Suzanne

I do this

wiki link

Please note the bit about treating pre-schoolers by ignoring the behaviour and that they grow out of it.

Please don't punish her. I don't know I'm doing it and bet she doesn't either. Tying her hair up may work - it makes me more aware that I'm doing it so can consciously stop iyswim.

HTH

It's all very well saying don't punish her, but she is punishing herself. If it's something that is really becoming quite serious then you need to nip it in the bud very quickly.

You can't always ignore the bad. I tried this with my very strong willed 3.5 yr little girl and she just got increasingly worse.

I think the important thing to remember is that every child responds differently.

It's far too important to ignore and I personally don't think that would work.

I'm sorry to here that you suffer from this too though. I've heard about it in adults. It's quite common isn't it.

i have a friend whose little girl did/does this

they eventually resorted to giving her a very short haircut so she physically couldn't do it. as she has got older she has expressed a desire to have longer hair and they've allowed it to grow but she started again, so they gave her the choice then of either stopping or having a haircut. she chose the haircut

i am sure your little girl will grow out of it eventually

Thanks for the replies. Much appreciated.

We've now got her a blanket and hopefully this may help the situation. We do try and tell her, in a nice, educating way, to just suck her thumb if she wants as theres no need to pull the hair. This does stop her having a small tantrum and digging her heels in (which usually resorts to her then doing it on purpose!). Just when you think she's started to stop doing it and we've turned a corner I find a clump of hair in her hand!

As much as we're convinced it is a phase, we just feel a bit helpless with it all as so far everything hasnt worked. I'm going to take on board everyones suggestions and hopefully this will help alleviate the problem.

Thanks again

hellojed

Hi there,

There was an identical case to this on Supernanny. Unfortunately I can't remember what the solution was and the reason may not be related to your situation, but it may be worth trying to find old episodes of Supernanny online and watch it.

I say old, but it was definitely within the last 12 months (may even be the last 6 months...).

Sorry I can't give any more info, but I HTH.

Good luck.

xx

PS: I will be watching with interest as my LO doesn't do this yet but at 14 months she does seem to pull her own hair a lot when she gets tired, so I guess this might be something that develops over time...

Oh yes, I forgot - we also gave him a small dog to cuddle in bed instead (this was when he usually did the twisting/pulling) and encouraged him to stroke the dog instead. the combination of things did work eventually...