Are all 4 year olds like this?

[TomsMumLP]

Hi,
this may be a bit similar to other threads on here today, but here goes!
My 4 year old son is usually sweet and clever but is also sometimes completely unreasonable about some (odd) things and doesn't seem to understand explanations. Today's example. I had told him this morning that if he was a good boy we would go to the local playbarn after the supermarket. However he has started obsessing about listening to the cistern fill up in our toilet (!?) and got down from the middle of his breakfast to try to go to the bathroom where my husband was (nice image!). I told him that we would not go to the playbarn if he got down. He did anyway and then got hysterical that he couldn't open the door to get to the toilet. After lots of explaining he stopped talking about going to the playbarn and we went to the supermarket (different one, closer to home further from playbarn) He then started saying "after this we're going to the playbarn" and then I'd explain what he'd done and the consequences and he'd get upset and then minutes later he'd start again like nothing had happened! So, two things: are other 4 year olds this unreasonable? And are there any others obsessed with tedious things that they didn't used to care about? He's also obsessed with seeing the kettle's button going off and watching planes (and making sure I see them too) going overhead - even though we live under a flight path and he used to just look at them if he happened to be outside...
Sorry for the long explanation! HELP!

Four year-olds find all kinds of things interesting. Formerly dull planes are very interesting once you spot they have different liveries. My own DS will not get out of the bath until he's watched the water make that little whirlpool in the plughole! As for being unreasonable... well, he couldn't go to a fun playbarn place. Thought if he said 'we're going' cheerfully enough you'd forget all about the punishment and was therefore narked when you didn't give in. Pretty normal I'd have thought

I think the answer is yes, at least the bright ones are. Sounds like your DS is learning about feedback systems. Cisterns that fill themselves and stop when they are full, switches that move because the water boils - and is finding it fascinating. How fantastic for the learning he'll be doing in school soon, He has real focus and perseverance. You've learned these things and need to get on with the business of the day so its a PITA. But it might be easier if you saw it in a positive light. You could even try to talking to him about what he's learning

agree with everyone else - ds1 is now prone to throwing tantrums and saying it's not fair at the top of his voice....

fearsome fours as MIL would say

Thanks for the replies,
I normally cope with the obsessions but it only takes one time to get annoyed. He knows most makes of tractors, cars and types of plane already, so I suppose these 'tedious' obsessions seem almost below him, but I think because he is often smart and perceptive I expect too much of him the rest of the time. He has spent the day being happy enough and then putting his shoes on and saying we're going to the playbarn now. He nearly snapped the key off in the door trying to get out. I have told him that we can go tommorrow if he's good, but now I'm actually scared of what he'll do when it's time to leave. I presume other kids like this just don't go to playbarns.

Perhaps don't jump straight into such a painful consequence.

Perhaps say, 'no, you may not leave the table now but you may go flush the toilet and listen to it fill back up as soon as you have finished this meal.'

Gives him a way to get what he feels he needs to do, without becoming a power struggle.

why did it matter that he wanted to hear the cistern fill up? i don't get why you'd punish him. he isn't being naughty, it's something he's interested in. have you shown him the inside of the cistern and all that?

Yes, slouchingtowardswaitrose, it was probably a bit harsh but we'd already had an incident that morning when the kettle was boiling and the toilet flushing at the same time. He was a bit hysterical and wasn't listening to reason.
ruddynorah, he was being naughty because we were sat up eating and the toilet was occupied with the door shut. I don't want him thinking he can always get down whenever he wants such as when the toilet flusing when that happens 10 time a day, especially when it might be a visitor in there or perhaps when we're eating out - and he doesn't ALWAYS care about the flush - that's the odd thing. Having a look inside would be good though. thanks.

BTW...if you let him look inside the cistern be prepared to find your lavatory dismantled quite frequently afterwards.

I can appreciate you want him to stay at the table and not barge into the toilet but the 'punishment' of not going to a playbarn does seem disproportionate - but maybe I have lower expectations.

so why can your dh get down and go to the toilet and not him? makes no sense to a 4 yr old.

if it's meal time have everyone go to the toilet before they sit down, then there will be no flushing for him to get excited about.

far easier to manage the excitement and encourage his enthusiasm for something than threaten him and punish him for his interest.

otherwise you're going to run yourself ragged and have no where to go when he really does something naughty, rather than irritating.

Agree with the others, too big a punishment. Your threat probably didn't make it into his head if your DS was wanting to follow his Daddy.

Mine are big into obsessions (hence the name). Ironically DS2 (then 1) did start his watching planes obsession a couple of days before the ash cloud. Poor lad, he got a bit confused. DS1 (4.5) obsession is to want to have whatever DS2 is playing with. Grrr.

Thankfully the switching the lights on and off obsession passed.