Racist 5 yr old?

[Dru77]

Last night my 5 year old DD said 'I don't want to make friends with them if they have brown skin'. The context was us talking about her moving to a new school and making new friends. She then said 'I don't want to hold hands if it's brown. I don't like brown'.

She has previously said she didn't want to watch The Princess Frog because the princess had brown skin.

Is this just an innocent comment related to her literally not liking the colour brown (i.e. a crayon) or should I be worried? I obviously talked to her about what she's said and explained how people come in all shapes and sizes and colours. She attends a school in which she is one of very few white kids so it's not as though she isn't used to people with other skin colours. One of her best friends at school is Pakistani. I am now dreading that she says something similar in public.

I wondered if she'd heard someone saying something similar (defo not at home!) but she claims not.

She may just not like brown. She may have fallen out with someone with brown skin. (Skin colour is apparently the first thing we notice about people) I wouldn't be too quick to load a child's observation with adult prejudices and assumptions. Keep explaining how people are different colours...good luck

I wouldn't worry too much. just keep explaining that the colour of skin doesn't mean they aren't nice, etc.

I don't think it's about racism at this age - it's just about difference

I went through a black-people-are-mean phase when I was little, I lived in a very white middle class area and it just so happened that a black girl called me a cow because I tried climbing up the slide!

my point is it could've just as easily been a redhead, or a child wearing a particular type of clothing, and then I would've thought that redheads or particular-t-shirt-wearers were all mean!

Hi Dru77

Let me start by saying this makes my blood boil!!!

There is absolutely no way a child of this age can be racist.

I know it's quite a trendy issue at the moment and a lot of parents are having letters sent home saying that their child is racist.

My little girl is at pre school and she will often point at someone black and say that they are black in exactly the same way she would point to someone with glasses and say they have glasses.

It's completely innocent but I agree that you should explain that there's no reason you shouldn't like somebody with 'brown skin'.

How odd.

DD's best friends are 1/4 Jordanian Arab, 1/4 Afro-Caribbean and 1/2 North African Jew. They all have deep brown eyes and dark brown skin. She is a lily-white Anglo-French-Jew. I really don't think any of them think about skin colour...

DS2 was ask to pass a black pencil to a little girl in his class, he said to her "you already have a black one" she told the teacher he was being racist,(she is black) thankfully the teacher had overheard the whole thing and had to point out to the child what racist is and that DS2 was not being so.

Scary when kids come out with so and so is being racist to me" without even knowing what it means. Wonder where they get it from

Of course she isn't racist, but I think you can offer her something slightly stronger than 'we are all different colours' now that she is of school age.

I would say something along the lines of:'That isn't nice. It's unkind and will hurt people with brown skin's feelings. I don't want to hear you saying that again.'

I think I know what you're saying. Obviously sometimes it can be something that is picked up. But my little one quite often comments on skin colour and I obviously never do.

I suppose it's about environment. She very rarely mixes with children who aren't white so i guess it's only natural for her to be curious.

I had this with my DCs - don't worry about it too much. DS3 once said something mortifying about "people with dark skin" and when I spoke to the teacher it was actually only one specific black child he'd taken objection to, for quite valid reasons that were nothing to do with skin colour.

Your DD's obviously not a racist if her best friend is Asian - it must have more to do with a dislike of the colour brown. I've always used the comparison of how the DCs would feel if I said I didn't like anyone with blue eyes, or brown hair, and they've understood the injustice completely.

I agree it may stem back to a falling out with someone at school...? Or overheard racism in the playground (I know she's not heard it at home but sadly plenty of kids do!).

Thanks all. The subject came up again this morning and we had a nice discussion about it. She saw a photo of black athletes and asked if they were muslim. I am quite happy that the comments stem from innocent enquiry, I was just concerned that something might come of it if she repeated them at school.

Interestingly she thinks of herself as having pink skin, a couple of (black) kids at school as having brown skin and had no answer when I asked her what colour her other friends (Pakistani) were.

We're not a religious family (personal opinion is that all religion is a load of nonsense) so I am having greater difficulty in explaining about muslims/christians etc now!

I read something recently about how black and brown parents tend to talk to their children about race and skin colour, while white parents, terrified of making an issue of race, often don't discuss race and skin colour at all, or if they do it is all very vague.

The article went on to say that people (rightly) believe that children are not inherently racist, so why introduce them to the concept of diference based on skin colour? Why bring it to their attention? The problem is that while children are not racist, neither are they stupid or lacking in observational skills. They can see that some of their friends are a different colour to them and that, like everything else in the world, is interesting to them. It does them a disservice to make it a taboo subject. Worse than that, many studies have found that we tend to attribute positive traits to those who look like us, so without frank, simple and honest discussions about skin colour, white parents run the risk of their children gravitating towards the other white children rather than explore the unknown and undiscussed.

We live in a very multi-cultural area and my 4yo announced a couple of months ago that she didn;t like brown people. I didn't get cross but I absolutely called her on it. I asked her if she didn;t like [list of all the brown people we know and are friends with]? Oh yes, she said, I like them. So I asked her how she thought they would feel to hear her say something like that.

Not possible. Racism isn't inherent, it's learnt. It is either a very innocent statement or she's picking it up from someone else.
Like someone said, I'd be a bit stronger in telling her how bad such statements are. You could explain it to her by asking her how she would feel if her friends didn't want to play with her because of the dress she wore or the colour of her shoes. I wouldn't use her own skin colour or physical attributes in case it made her feel bad about herself.

My ds came out with a few comments along these lines about 6 months ago. He is only 3. He often said to me 'I love xxx because she is yellow like me, we are both made of butter' and 'xxx is brown, so I like xxx (white friend) because she is yellow like me' etc. I pointed out that our next door neighbour is not yellow (she is Pakistani), and he is good friends with her. In fact, he plans to marry her . He doesn't seem to say it any more.