5yo's crying and stropping driving me bananas - WWYD?

[MarineIguana]

My DS is really a lovely, sweet and well-behaved boy in lots of ways, and hardly ever intentionally naughty. But at 5 he has still not stopped bursting into tears and wailing and being inconsolable over really minor things - like (2 examples from yesterday) he's dropped some of his crisps and I don't get him a new packet (he still had half the pack to eat), or I want him to sit on his own seat on the bus and not sit on me because he can't stop kicking and fidgeting. Cue massive meltdown and tears.

He's had a lot of upheaval in the past year - house move, new baby and he's about to leave nursery and start school, which he's worried about - so I do want to cut him some slack and I understand he needs attention (which we do try hard to give him). But he's always been like this and now the crying is getting worse and I wish I had a solution to it. Consequences like not doing what we were going to do because he's kicking off don't work - he just cries more (obviously really) and says he can't stop.

I try to be patient but I'm dealing with a 4-month-old too and it can be so exhausting - and sometimes I have snapped at him which of course means more crying - aarrgh. I've never given in to tantrums and I've been very careful to teach him that he doesn't get rewards by having a meltdown, so it's frustrating that he still hasn't learned. It's like he genuinely just can't help it.

As well as wanting to help him get on a more even keel, I'm worried he's going to get labelled or bullied at school if he's like this. Would love to hear from anyone who's dealt with this kind of thing.

I'm dealing with it in DS6yo.
No solutions (yet), I'm afraid.
We are trying: fish oils, responding calmly no matter what (this is tough, can't always manage it!!), more consistent bedtimes, heavy-duty blackout curtains, talking more about his emotions -- coz anger is always secondary to something else (sadness, hurt, disappointment, etc.). I am hypothesizing that if he could deal better with the primary emotions, that he might not resort to anger so often.

Ragged thanks that is a good idea about the talking about emotions. We do try that at the time of the meltdown but maybe should also try it at a calm time.

Yes, it is impossible to never get riled by it! It's just so.... annoying I feel bad that it winds me up so much, but it does.

Sometimes I suppose it's just something that will have to gradually with time get better, which i'm sure it will.

I'm only sure because you say he was a perfect little angel before and there's no reason why eventually, when he's settled that he wont be again. He's just got so much going on in his head from the sounds of it that he's probably quite confused.

I'm sure all will be well when he's settled in school.

have you explained that the baby cries because the baby cannot speak, and that big boys who can speak should speak to get their needs met.

I'm having the same problem with DD1 (5 yo next month) at the moment. Despite my NEVER having given in to a tamtrum or giving her anything she's ever demanded or whined for, she still seems to think that meltdowns, strops, whining and sulking will help her get her own way.

Me, I'm a shouty mum. I try to calmly explain that I'm getting cross and I'd like her to behave herself please. I warn her that any more whining and the shouting will start, but on and on she whines, cried and strops.

Very, very annoying!

You have completely and utterly described my 5 year old DS!

It actually annoys me so much at times I have to grit my teeth and count to a million ten to stop me from wanting to grab him and shake him! I never have or would but oh my God I bloody want to sometimes.

I've been no help but it's nice to hear that I'm not alone with An Amazing Whingebag Of A Five Year Old!

He's totally lovely really and is great 95% of the time. Just the 5% is crying and tantruming over not getting a biscuit.

looks like a good shock to me. What is wrong with it??

Did you just write shock or did you do a proper shock?

square bracket shock square bracket [ shock ]

Thread hijack - Ahem, i came over here to look at the which was apparently 'not right' on Sacharissas post, and inadvertently replied to her on here, instead of the original post from where she linked me to here (phewff, what a sentence!)

So that is the reason for my weird post above.

As you were ladies.

DS doesn't really do that often but when he does I just ignore him (if he's upset over something ridiculous) and tell him to use words to tell me what's wrong as I can't understand when he's crying and trying to talk. I let him calm down and will hug him/sit with him if necessary but ignore the actual hysterics.

Look at your first line Sacharissa - they is a proper healthy fat fucker of a there. Nought wrong with it.

It's just a word for me. No fat little smiley fucker for me.

but where is it just a word??

Do you mean in here

Links and smileys: To insert a smiley face, , type or
For a big grin, , type or
For a wink, , type
For a shocked face, , type
For a sceptical face, , type
For a confused face, , type
For an embarrassed face, , type
For an angry face, , type
For a sad face, , type or
For an envious face, , type
For a no comment face, , type

??

Hmm, my five-year-old is a bit like this. First of all, his flashpoint is hunger. If he is hungry, he is a horrible horrible person. Just completely irrational and cross and difficult just like me. So I watch his hunger levels.

If he can't be hungry, then I have lately found that firmly (but not crossly) saying 'this attitude has to stop. You are making everyone miserable, and yourself most of all. Snap out of it' sometimes helps.

Sounds just like my nearly 6 yr old DS! What is he like when he is not with you? Apparently mine is a shy little angel at school . He has a total strop at the drop of a hat with me. Usually over something very minor.

I have a reward chart on the go & try to look for the positives (hard to find some days!). Have just started trying out writing lines for persistently behaving badly. EG this morning he was shouting & screaming at me over nothing in particular so I made him write lines (after a couple of warnings). It took him the entire morning because he was so stubborn. Behaved v nicely for the rest of the day though .

Agree it is very annoying & absolutely draining having to deal with this behaviour consistently though. Sometimes you think to yourself it would be much easier to give in but not in the long run I think. Hang on in there & stick to your guns!

Hello, sorry I'd let this thread go as I thought it had dropped off, but just checked it again. Thanks so much for all the new replies. It really helps me to know he's not the only one, because he is amongst his friends - some of them can be badly behaved or sulky but not with all the crying.

After last time, I did talk to him about how all this crying and screaming was awful for everyone on the bus and made him unhappy too, etc. When we went on a bus again, he offered to sit on his own seat, and did, with no crying - bless him. So he does try - although it's also still carrying on as per normal eg this morning because his drawing went slightly wrong

Yes we do all the stuff about being grown up and using words etc. But this thread has reminded me of various thing eg to make sure he's not hungry and to get better at ignoring it.

Rofl at the shock diversion...

Oh and CKYL, he can be a bit teary and sensitive at nursery, but not these big long tantrums AFAIK.

Lots of people tell me school will make him grow up a lot... I just hope it isn't miserable for him.

Oooh maybe DD is advanced...we have exactly this problem and she is 4.

Sounds as though he is cut from the same cloth as my DS in having slightly perfectionist tendencies. Admirable in a way but my DS does take it to the extreme. Same as yours when drawing goes a teeny tiny bit wrong. We are making a summer holidays scrap book and he only got as far as writing the date on the 1st page & he accidentally did an extra tiny line on the number 4. Went completely ballastic (him not me!). Crying & threw pencil across the room! Slight over-reaction. I tried to say it didn't matter (it was in pencil after all & could therefore be rubbed out if it really bothered him that much). Was not listening & continued going bananas so in the end had to send him to his room to calm down. Also perfectionist about his writing to the point where he prefers to write using both hands (at the same time) because it is neater!

My DS is absolutely fine at school (although does the 2-handed writing thing which drives his teacher mad!). I think they somehow realise it is not cool to react in such an extreme way at school.

CKYL - You have just described my DS1!!!
he is 5 and a half.

He is such a perfectionist (like his father) but it does stop him sometimes trying because he feels it wont turn out well or if he does try and it goes wrong in just the way you have described he crys and throws things around.

If things are not quite as he imagined he can hold on to the bad mood for hours - as example I asked him to get dressed yesterday, he wanted me to help him, he mucked around so much I said i wouldn't help - cue him wailing and screaming in his room - 'some-one help me, I am all alone, no-one is helping me' I am suprised the neighbours didn't ring SS

It is the spontanious wailing I can't bear - a broken biscuit, wrong seat on a train, batman outfit not clean. Arrrggghhhh.

Absolutely infuriating aren't they? Is great to hear I am not alone. Agree that neighbours must wonder what's going on in here sometimes. Sure they wouldn't believe me if I said he just did a little extra pencil line! I definitely blame his father .

OH the relief! My DS - 4yo - is the same, cries and screams at the tiniest things... drives me nuts. I have taken to saying now, when he screams, that he has to go in his room (or elsewhere if we are out) if he wants to make so much noise because it's not nice for me/other people to hear. i have tried saying to him, stop screaming, take a deep breath, and explaining that it doesn't help him to feel better to scream... but he really seems to struggle to control it. When i do send him to his room, he calms down in a few minutes and comes out and carries on as normal - he calms down more quickly on his own.
i am very calm and rarely raise my voice (though i can be stern and he knows when i mean business), so i don't know where he gets the histrionics from. His dad's not like it either.
The tiniest thing will set it off, usually him not getting what he wants, however small, and it looks like pure temper.
The biggest problem for me is that when he does it a few times (especially after nursery when tired) i find it difficult to bounce back, and then i feel low and miserable, like i'm not parenting well.
We talk about it when he's calm and he knows we don't want him to behave that way, it seems he just can't help himself.
Am glad to not be the only one - his dad is starting to find ways to 'toughen him up' and i don't feel that is the right approach. We are separated, so getting a consistent reaction to it can be difficult.

Absolutely know what you mean that it can make you feel miserable. I try telling myself that just because he is feeling grumpy doesn't mean I have to but is v v v difficult. Feels like they are sucking the life out of you sometimes eh?

Could you talk to your ex so at least he can have a consistent approach from both of you? v difficult for him to understand otherwise I think. Again not easy if your ex has made up his mind of the best way to do things.

Exhausting!!