3yr old still up during the night

[sunface]

my DD who is just 3 is still up at least 2-5 times during the night. normally resulting in her screaming and lashing out when she is put back to bed. We are both exhausted and i'm sure she must be too.

We have a routine of book at bedtime, then she goes down normally quite quickly, but without fail, around 3hrs later she will wake up and come through to our room demanding that we take her back to bed, various excuses are then used "room too dark" we got a nightlight, "need milk" she gets a little sip. Then it's lie with me mummy and starts to lash out and throw herself on the floor if i say no. When we put her back in her bed, she just gets right back out.

She no longer naps during the day and despite being up during the night, she will still wake up at 5.30-6am every day. We have recently introduced the reward chart, but she doesn't seem to be grasping that either. HELP Please!!!!!!!!!

Lie with her until she goes back to sleep?
Let her sleep at the side of your bed on a camp-bed or in a sleeping bag if no room?

Problem is we do lie with her, but we don't want that to become a habit. I'd rather she eventually sleeps through on her own without any bad habits developing...the hysteria and lashing out is just getting so worrying and upsetting us all

My DD was still like this at just 3 (not helped by a night waking 5 month old either). We did introduce a sticker chart and that helped, along with lots of positive encouragement when she had less wakenings (though they have selective memory - she often claimed not to have woken us up after at least 3 returns!). Now at 3y5m she is MUCH better. She might come in once for the loo, or if she has kicked off her covers, but mostly she goes through the night .

I never thought it would happen!! Now we just have to work on 10 month old DS - I don't do sleeping babies it seems!

Keep up with the reward chart - we did a special treat for every 20 stickers. It really helped her counting too!

I think this required some hard-headedness if you're to get your life back. Basically, no chatting, lying in beds, sips of milk etc. Replace her in bed quietly then firmly close the door behind you, holding the handle if necessary and ignoring the lashing and screaming until it stops.

I'm sure she is exhausted. Even if she doesn't nap during the day, I'd also suggest that you introduce a 'quiet rest' for 20-30 min in the afternoon. Somewhere non-stimulating, covered with a blanket, a pause to recharge the batteries. Good luck

thanks guys. we have tried the holding the handle while she goes ballastic behind the door, but it's just so hard in the middle of the night to sustain that.. mind you, maybe we do just need to persevere with it and put ear plugs in or something..... would love to stick to the reward chart Lionstar, but i just don't think she gets the logic yet. She's very much behind her peers in terms of speech and i'm worried this has hampered development in other areas too.

I would just keep lying with her. Particularly if you feel she has development issues. She will grow out of it. At the moment maybe she just needs to be near you.

Have you spoken to her during the day about the tantrums? What does she say? Explain that everyone else needs some sleep, too.
Be gently persistant with trying to get her to understand. Much better imo than being persistant fighting with her.

Leave it for now and assess at 6m intervals.

hmm very tempting to keep lying with her, its the easiest and less stressful option at the moment. we have tried talking to her about the sleep/bedtime thing, but she just answers No and won't be brought into a chat about it.....

Sunface I have exactly the same thing with my DS who has always woken up to 4 or 5 times in the night, and sometimes has a strange tantrum just as you describe. I'm also having problems at bedtime. It is absolutely an attention thing. I am with you on the option of least resistance in the middle of the night when you are also tired and wanting to lie down and sleep! It's hard because like you I don't want to create a bad habit which will persist into later years! I am so tired at the moment as I seem to bed hop as I end up falling asleep in his bed if I lie down with him. My DS refuses to wear a nappy at night too so think it's his full bladder that wakes him from about 3am onwards but he doesn't wake up enough to go on his potty (and if he does it takes AGES to get him back to sleep). My DS has always been a bad sleeper, we rarely have nights where he doesn't wake. I'm hoping it improves as he gets older.

I have a temporary door gate on my DS's door which at least stops him as far as our room but I never fancy the neighbours reaction if I left him to it in the middle of the night!!

ah thanks bondgirl, good to know i'm not alone! We are the same, i think 6 nights out of the 7 she is up... bleuugh. as you say, it's the path of least resistance as we live in a terraced house and i think the neighbours must think we are harming her sometimes, with the tantrums she goes through - keep expecting social services to turn up! We are all exhausted and then i end up snapping at my older DD, it's just not fair on anyone......