Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

21 month old 'addicted' to his teddy...

25 replies

13lucky · 27/07/2010 09:32

Ok, so it's not the worst thing in the world but my 21 month old little boy is totally dependent on his teddy. And whenever he's got his teddy, he sucks his thumb...the two go hand in hand...he never sucks his thumb without his teddy. I've tried getting him to leave teddy upstairs and just have him at nap and sleep times but it's impossible...he just shouts and shouts for teddy and I've given in already this morning and it's not even 9.30am. He doesn't walk round with it all day but he needs it to be there and to pick it up from time to time, suck his thumb etc and then do something else. If he's upset, it's teddy that manages to console him. But I'm worried about how dependent he is on teddy and how he will be when he starts at nursery in January etc. Am I worrying unnecessarily or should I try to 'wean' him off his teddy?!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Chil1234 · 27/07/2010 09:54

I think January is a long, long time away in toddler terms and you'll probably find he's less attached by then anyway. If teddy makes him feel secure then let him carry on. Explain in due course that nursery is for 'big children and teddy wouldn't enjoy it'...'leave teddy here and tell him all about nursery when you get back'... or something like that. I knew one little boy that, every morning before school, would have a few last sucks on his dummy, give his ted a big hug and then give both to his mum. He was very happy. So don't worry

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 10:21

ds2 , 21 mths, is quite dependant on rabbit. i limit him to bedtime. but when he is very upset during the day he asks for 'abbit'. and i let him. its not every day. no cause for concern to me.
ds1 liked mr dog and then grew out of him, before 4, if i recall.

i would start to be strong and insist it was only a bedtime toy. but if he only did it every other day, and then occassioanlly, then i would see this as an improvement and good.

chloebe · 27/07/2010 11:23

my dd1 was like this with 'bear'. I am an evil mommy and will only let her have bear if she is having a nap, bedtime, poorly. I explain that bear needs to sleep as he looks after her when she is sleeping so in the day he is very tired. she is quite forward for her age so accepted this.

she is 2.5 and i started this at 14 months, also because bear was very rotten looking after being dragged around all day. he is the mammas and pappas bear crumble so i bought her pudding (he's friend) for the day and the need for pudding soon passed, so maybe that might work . good luck x

biflady · 27/07/2010 11:32

My 19 month old has a monkey that she uses in the same way - has to have it to sleep, likes it to be around during the day but only tends to need it when she's upset - monkey will console her much more than me!

She has been going to nursery since she was 8 months old and monkey goes too. He is packed away into her school bag and she onluy has him when she sleeps, at no other time in nursery does she get him - think she is far too busy to think about it

However, the older she gets the more relient she seems to be becoming on monkey, so I trying to limit it when she's at home with me - but my real point is that nursery seem much better at dealing with it than me, so wouldn't worry too much about him needing to take it to nursery! they will grow out of it (i hope!)

Original poster

13lucky · 27/07/2010 20:33

Thanks for the replies guys...think I'll let him have it for now as not sure I can take the heartache in the summer holidays with his big sister antaganising him as it is (!) so would be a bit mean to suddenly take it from him. I keep hoping he'll just grow out of it...but what if he doesn't?! Am hoping like biflady says that nursery will keep him occupied and therefore he won't need teddy...maybe that will be the turning point?? Or should I try harder before he starts?

OP posts:

Chil1234 · 27/07/2010 20:42

Six months is a long time in toddler terms... almost one third of his whole life to date! Think how far he's come in 21 months... Lots can change in the next six. And sometimes 'big events' like starting nursery or school or a particular birthday or whatever they use as benchmarks and you can find they say 'I don't do that any more now that I am at nursery/school/five etc.'...

DrivenToDistraction · 27/07/2010 20:45

Um. Do you have a double for teddy?

Peabody · 27/07/2010 20:51

This is a genuine question - why wouldn't you let your child have their comforter if they need it? It has never occurred to me to do this.

Is it because you feel they should have grown out of it by a certain age? I am honestly bemused.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 27/07/2010 20:55

DS1 had (has) a tiger - I just let him have it. At 2 1/2 he understood it wasn't allowed at nursery and at 3 it wasn't allowed some places (like beach etc.) but I never totally refused it from him. He is 4 now and he takes it to bed most nights but is totally happy to leave it at home if I say we cannot take it. I would let him have it, he is very young.

CrunchyNutCornflake · 27/07/2010 20:59

My DD was simliar with her teddy including the automatic thumb sucking. We had (still have) the rule that the teddy doesn't leave the house. She's 3.5 and accepts that absolutely. So obviously he doesn't go to nursery or anywhere with her. It also keep teddy safe.

Original poster

13lucky · 27/07/2010 21:04

Yes - I have 3 identical teddies so they can be washed etc.

Peabody - in response to your question: a) he sucks his thumb in conjunction with the teddy and never sucks his thumb without the teddy so if I limit the teddy, that would also automatically limit the thumb sucking, and b) it is unhygenic in my opinion to be dragging a teddy round outside (even if I do have 3 of them!)

Am more reassured by people thinking that it is ok for him to be obsessed by teddy though so thanks for your opinions and responses.

OP posts:

Peabody · 27/07/2010 21:07

Thanks, 13, I get it now.

Well, for the record, my two kids (21 months and 3) stil have their teddies and I have no plans to take them away. I believe they'll grow out of them eventually.

I also do not aspire to your standards of cleaniness.

DrivenToDistraction · 27/07/2010 21:09

Ah, 3. Excellent

Just let him have teddy if he needs him. No need to remove it at all, 21 months really is very young indeed. Don't feel you have to rush him into growing up.

Original poster

13lucky · 27/07/2010 21:19

Ok thanks guys.

Out of interest though, CrunchyNut - at what age did you start the banning teddy being taken out of the house? (can't see he's going to accept that at the moment)

OP posts:

drivingmisscrazy · 27/07/2010 21:21

DD (18mo) has soft bear (a blanket with a bear's head on it ) despite our stacking up toy cows for this very purpose (anyone out there with a DC addicted to cows - we have some spare...)

PMSL at oblomov's ds2's rabbit 'abbit'...

Wheelybug · 27/07/2010 21:25

It'll pass .. eventually.

DD1 has bunny - was v.v.v. attached probably at this age. When she started pre-school at 2.8 he went but stayed in her bag incase she needed him (if upset etc). When she went up to the second year at 3.8 we told her he had to stay at home. Since then she just got less and less reliant on him/her unless v. tired/ill. Now at 5.6 she still wants him to go to sleep but other than that doesn't have him at all (ocassionally if really really tired and watching tv). Although I have to say she never sucked her thumb.

I have a 16 month old dd too who is as reliant on puppy. She does suck her thumb (whilst holding puppies ear). I don't intend to treat her any differnetly and think its something she'll grow out of. Particularly once she can understand a bit more about leaving him behind.

TBH, it might help him settle at nursery more if he has him there but I might just be a big old softie.

StarExpat · 27/07/2010 21:36

My 21 month old ds is like this with his balls. The toy balls. He calls two little ones he has "my baby". And when we put him in bed, if he doesn't have it he will cry "my baby! Need my baby!"
Same when he's upset... If I hand him a ball for each hand, one being his "baby", then he's much more calm. He still does want a cuddle, which I love.
Just reread this.... We sound a bit looney.

StarExpat · 27/07/2010 21:39

Oh but he doesn't suck his thumb, just depends on them for comfort. I have no advice for thumb sucking. I wish I did. My sister is nearly 40 and still sucks her thumb in her bed. I don't think thaTs the norm, though.

simpson · 27/07/2010 21:40

DD (2.5) has a red teddy that has to go everywhere

But tbh she is old enough now to understand "red teddy is tired and has to go to sleep" or something similar when we go out and when she goes to nursery she packs red teddy in her bag so he is waiting for her when she leaves or is upset while there etc and she is fine with it

Don't know if this has been mentioned on this thread already but I really would try and get a spare as it makes life sooo much easier when you can't find one.

DD left red teddy at playgroup once on a friday and without the spare red ted we would have had trouble at bedtime over the weekend...

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/07/2010 05:57

Awww, bless them all. They're really still just babies in loads of ways. It's a daunting time, early toddlerdom, because all of a sudden they start walking and talking and copying us and we start treating them so different from the first year, but they were babies only a few seconds ago and they still need their comfort things.

seeker · 28/07/2010 06:53

CrunchyNutCornflake · 28/07/2010 08:45

13, I started as I meant to go on Teddy was never allowed out of the house from the very start and it never became an issue. Once or twice she wanted to take him, I said no he stays inside (for his own safety) and she accepted it. (She is a fairly accepting child though I must admit).

Teddy will sometimes be put neatly sitting on the stairs when we go out, waiting for our return.

CrunchyNutCornflake · 28/07/2010 08:49

When I saw the book No Bed Without Ted I had to buy it, she really related to it. I think it might be one of the ones I keep forever and cry over when she's all grown up.

Original poster

13lucky · 28/07/2010 11:25

Don't worry simpson - we have 3 teddies!!

Seeker - thanks for that! I'm wouldn't be at all worried about him having teddy if it was just in bed (my 4 year old dd has hers but it's just for naps and bed and she doesn't ask for it at other times) but my ds needs his for comfort most of the day...but I am comforted by others saying this is ok!!!

StarExpat - loving your bit about the balls!

OP posts:

suzikettles · 28/07/2010 11:35

Just a thought, but if he's starting nursery soon you might be glad of his attachment to teddy if it's something he can take to nursery to begin with to offer him comfort and help him settle.

Ds took his bear for a few weeks and gradually the nursery staff moved the bear to a shelf during the day, then into his bag and then bear stayed at home. It was a great help though if he was upset for those first few weeks.

He won't be the only one with a comfort object at nursery.

Flip