Won't sit down to eat and bib tantrums at 20 months

[elizabethbob]

Any advice or anyone able to commiserate with the same problems? My son is nearly 20 months and I can't get him to sit down to eat. I gave up on the high chair as I couldn't get him in it anymore. If I did manage to get him in, he thrashed around and had a big tantrum and didn't eat anyway. So we tried a booster seat at the table with me eating with him which sort of worked for a while. He now doesn't like going in that either and if I do get him in, he wants to open the clasps but can't and gets very frustrated and has a tantrum.

I have a small table and chairs like at nursery ( where he eats nicely at table wihtout getting up every 2 seconds and wears his bib!) but he gets up after every mouthful.

The bib has become an issue in the last few days. Even if he's hungry and it's cheerios he won't put on the bib even if I don't let him eat til he puts it on.

Of course, I have tended to give in and let him eat without the bib and eventually let him have a mouthful then wander around and come back for another one. If I threaten to remove the food it sometimes makes him sit down for a bit longer.

He's never been that excited by food and is not big so I feel nervous about him missing a meal. Should I just relax and let him wander around between mouthfuls?! I've just left his bowl of cereal on his little table whilst writing ths and he has eaten the whole lot albeit in mobile fashion.

Do lots of toddler boys eat like this?! And then turn out fine later ie sitting down to eat their food at a table?!

He's happy to sit and read a book for ages. So it's not a universal problem!

Ok, first of all, this is normal (in my experience of two boys!) I have one who loves his food, and one who's a more picky eater and they both went through this stage (well I say went, one is still going through it!)

The bib - well personally I wouldn't worry about this. Take off his t-shirt if you want to save the clothes, but babies wash!

But the wandering around - well this is up to you, but personally I don't allow this. Snacks, ok, but meals are to be eaten at teh table with the whole family. You can have one child wandering feral but when you've got more than one or are at Granny's or whatever, then it becomes a problem. I allow my children to get down if they are very restless, but they are not allowed to eat on the run. The food stays at the table and they have to get back up to eat if they decide they are still hungry.

Finally - don't stress about the meals. Unless you are under medical management of some kind and there are serious medical concerns, I am very much of the opinion that babies eat to their natural appetite and won't deprive themselves. Allow him to see the connection between sitting nicely at table and getting a meal - at the moment by letting him eat and roam you have broken that connection so of course he doesn't want to sit up - why would he, when he can eat AND play at the same time?

BTW in answer to your last question, my older DS (4) now has really good table manners. He's still a light eater but he sits down nicely with a knife and fork and doesn't moan.

So don't worry, it IS just a phase.

Thank you theyoungvisitor. That is reassuring. The food generally doesn't leave the table, he wanders back to get another mouthful. I won't worry so much about him getting restless but I will be better about making him actually sit down again for repeat visits to the table!

There are no medical concerns so I know he won't starve himself! It just seems like a bit of a battle at times. I will stop trying to get him to wear a bib too.

I look forward to when he sits nicely with his knife and fork!!

it will come! I promise!

Don't feel obliged to follow my way btw, I'm sure there are others who will come along and tell you they handled it differently. I just personally feel that allowing kids to roam is ok while they are tiny but can be a hard habit to break later.

And truly don't stress about the meals - DON'T make it a battle, it's so not worth it.

I did this too with my first DS and it was so pointless (in retrospect). With DS2 I really didn't try to push it one way or the other - if he wanted to eat two bites and stop, that was fine, I didn't try to persuade him. Of course, sod's law, he's turned out a much better eater! Probably because it was never a battleground between us.

Anyway they do turn out fine eventually, you just have to keep at it

I agree with theyoungvisitor in saying it is just another phase! My DS (2) is going through this at the minute and it's very stressful at times (oooh the tantrums!) but I think you do have to choose your battles. He suddenly decided he didn't want to sit in his highchair so I gave in and let him eat at the table. He's now generally quite good at not getting down during food but if he does I tend to just take the food away and presume he's finished. I now sit him in a stokke highchair which pushes up to the table making him that bit higher, but don't bother doing the strap up.

Same problem as you with the bib thing for a couple of days but I did persevere (didn't want to have to keep washing clothes - grr!) and tried distracting him while I was putting it on and he seemed to get over it after a while.

We're having lots of toddler behavioural issues at the minute - I think they're at the age where they feel the need to test the boundaries. Just keep telling yourself it's a phase - it won't last forever!!!