help and advice needed for upset little girl.

[hellymelly]

Wasn't sure whether to post this in primary ed or here,but anyway here goes,tis quite long,sorry:-My dd aged 5,has had a rough few weeks,with a nasty virus and then a strange possibly viral thing where she needed to wee all the time,as a result she has been back and forth to the doctor and has missed a lot of school,which was hard as she had only just started full time a few weeks prior to the illnesses.On one of her days in school during this time,ten days ago,she had a trial day with her next year teacher in the new classroom,to prepare the children for next term and leaving reception.I am not sure quite what happened,but she came home really upset,said her new teacher was horrible,and was very quiet and upset.She later said that the teacher had shouted at her because she was crying. (she was crying as she was worried about using the loo,she sometimes gets anxious that she won't clean herself properly after a poo and likes me to check,she is fine in fact,but needs reassuring at times )The new teacher then had a word with her usual teacher in sight of DD but just out of earshot,which really embarrassed her I think,anyway her teacher took her to the loo and waited outside for her,and then took her back to her normal classroom for the rest of the day to be with the younger ones,while her classmates stayed with the new teacher. I assumed that as she wasn't 100% and feeling sensitive that the teacher hadn't in fact shouted,but had maybe just seemed a bit cross,but today I found out from another mother that her schoolfriend had said that the new teacher had really shouted at DD and that he would have been really upset if she'd shouted at him like that.
the upshot is that since the last day of term DD has cried herself to sleep several nights in a row and is very very upset about having to leave her (truly wonderful)current teacher,and the fact that she is now afraid of the new teacher is making ti much worse as she is adamant that she doesn't want to be in her class in September and is begging me to let her stay longer in reception or even go to another teacher's class.I am at a loss what to do,what would you do? I have never seen her so upset about anything and I am dreading the first day back.

.

Can't offer much advice, but my ds also doesn't like his new year 1 teacher..He got in trouble with her on the day he met her for "tapping her too hard" when he was trying to get her attenion...I think the teachers just get mean from year 1 upwards...lol
or maybe they are just too nice in reception.

Maybe you could arrange for her to be with one of her class friends on her first day back so that they go in together..maybe it might make her less anxious over the summer..

x

Her class friend has just moved away sadly,and her best friend is not at the school,so that isn't an option.She is highly likely to get very upset and refuse point blank to stay which will be horrible.This has happened when she was just starting to really enjoy her school too.

As a primary teacher I'd suggest that you ring the school and ask if you could speak to the Head/Deputy/SENCo or someone who is in at the moment (we all are, to sort out our classrooms etc.) and if you could take your DD to school to be reassured by someone that things are going to be okay. If you explain on the 'phone what you think that your DD needs it may be that the bursar or someone will be able to deliver the necessary reassurance, "I've emailed scary Y1 teacher who says s/he's really looking forward to you being in X class in September. I've reminded him/her that you have been unwell and s/he asked me to let you know that she hadn't realised that and is sorry for shouting at you"... or something along those lines.

I can't imagine any teacher would want to think that they'd scared a child into being upset throughout the holidays. Call the school and have a chat with someone.

Yes I do think it will colour the whole holiday for her,she is not the sort of child to forget about it.I also think we will have to force her to stay in the class come September,which would also be very upsetting as the way things are I think she will cry and refuse to stay.I will talk to DH about calling the head,but I am not sure if anyone is in at all at the moment.

Also should add,I am a bit worried about the teacher taking a dislike to her/us if I make an issue of the shouting.

There will almost certainly be someone in at the moment. My school is open for the entire duration of the holidays, the bursar and caretaker will be there throughout, the Head there for 4 weeks and most teachers will be in this week and for the last week of the holidays.

It's highly unlikely that she'll be able to swap into a different class so I think you definitely need to call the school. The longer her upset continues, the harder it will be to overcome it.

I also doubt that any Y1 teacher will take a dislike to you/your DD over the shouting... my own DD (who has just finished Reception) thinks that someone has shouted if they've said something that she perceives as telling her off. Lots of younger children describe adults as having shouted when in fact there was no increase in volume so even though another child described the teacher as 'really shouting' there's still a chance that it wasn't so much shouting as despairing/being unsympathetic.

I did think that maybe it was perceived,rather than actual,shouting,as you say,but having spoken to the mother of the other child I think her voice was raised quite a bit as he wasn't sitting near to my child and he was upset by it.Her current teacher has never shouted at her and she is a well behaved child generally,although it is quite possible she wasn't paying attention at the time as she was crying.She was also really quiet that evening,and didn't tell me straight away,which is how she reacts when she is very upset,rather than just cross or bothered.I suppose I will have to call the school,I don't want to blow it out of proportion,but she is really in a state about it.

Seriously, I don't think anyone in a primary school will think that you're blowing this out of proportion; you have a very upset 5-year-old who is worried about September. Regardless of what caused that worry in the first place you need to speak to someone at school and ask if they can offer some advice. It may be that arranging to pop in with your DD to see September's classroom, be reassured by whoever is around that the new teacher is usually nice and is really looking forward to teaching your DD will be what it takes to calm her down.

You're clearly worried about it because she's so upset. A simple phonecall and informal 10 minute visit may put both your minds at rest. Don't wait much longer or you may find the school closed for a 'deep clean' next week!

I've thought about it and taken your advice on board and I think I will do as you suggest and call the school tomorrow.I wish the teacher lived in our village,I would ask her over for tea,but I think she lives in the nearest town so we aren't as likely to bump into her.Thanks for your thoughts and advice SE13,its been very helpful.

Let us know how you get on.

How did it go?

I've not managed to get to talk to anyone yet,I've left a message and will call again tomorrow if no-one gets back to me then.