Constant Moaning

[dakirk]

My dd is 7 and is constantly moaning, If we do nothing she is bored, If I plan anything she doesnt want to do it. If we walk anywhere she is too tired and wants to go home. If school is "too hard" she suddenly feels sick though recovers as soon as I bring her home. She seems to find nothing enjoyable unless we are buying things. A loooong 6 weeks stretches ahead and I worry with this sort of attitude she will not have many friends. She asks to join things like choir and ballet but again gives up when its too hard. It is awful writing this down and I would appreciate any feedback or how you solved this problem or is all the above perfectly normal?? I expected it at 15 but not 7!!!

My sister has this with her ds, almost 9 but been doing this for some time!! We already call him Kevin the Teenager! How do you respond when she's moany? Is she enthusiastic at school, have the teachers said she's hard to motivate? Would she respond to a star chart,i.e. being able to go and buy something if she dosn't moan for so many days.

Will ask my sister if she has any strategies, just wanted to let you know your'e not the only one!

dakirk, I'm no expert but having just had my 8 year old nephew to stay, I was absolutely shocked by his constant moaning. It almost felt as though he never said anything at all except "I'm hungry / tired / bored" etc etc. We recently spent a day out with another 9 year old nephew who also doesn't live in the UK and I was keenly listening out to see whether the first nephew was just a moaner or whether it was an age thing. Yet again we had a litany of complaints. I was really quite depressed by it as I had no idea that after the toddler tantrums and generally difficult behaviour of younger chilren, that I would have to face this is just a few year's time.

We had the holiday from hell last year when dd was 5.5. She was dreadful wherever we went. Didn't want to go on things and would then want to go on them the second we had left the place. Wanted to go for a swim, and would want to get out after 5 minutes. Would chop and change her mind, and have dreadful tantrums. In the end MIL said that she thought I was trying too hard, and should stop trying to make her holiday a fun packed time and just let her get bored. I did and things improved. And then if it did get bad, at least I didn't feel that she was being ungreatful!

So this holiday is much lower key, and the kids go into the garden for hours at a time. the garden is a tip but at least it is all stress free.

I think kids need to feel bored and need to learn to entertain themselves. It's a life skill after all

Yes, we've had this too. With both at one stage or another. dd is 7 ds is 4.
When we heard a moan we responded with " Say that again in a happy voice & I will listen". Strangely it worked.
If the moaning tone continued I'd either completely ignore it as tho' no one had spoken or if it was really getting on my nerves I'd repeat my mantra "Say that again in a happy voice and I will listen"
If it was repeated in a happier tone I'd respond in an almost OTT happy tone- I'd try to address the issue without giving in. Eg. we''ll just walk for 10 more minutes then we'll turn round/ get an ice cream etc.
I found that meeting groans with complaints about groaning just made it worse.
It hasn't gone completely but when they revert back to it I go into overcheerful voice and tackle the moaning as though it was an exciting challenge not something that is getting me down (it does but I try hard not to communicate this).
It sounds almost Jean Brodie but give it a try it works for us.

Also the bored at home bit. ... I try to remember the night before to dig out a toy/game that they haven't played with for a while. This has really worked this morning. All the cuddly toys that they never pick up - I gathered them together, put a blanket on the floor and sat the toys in a circle in the lounge. I didn't draw their attention to it but htey've found it and have played now for well over an hour - picnics, parties, school photos,and now - let me go and listen - they've split them into teams and are playing races!

Good luck and enjoy your hols.

I have a moaner, too. Although she is the youngest of four children it's the first time I've had such a whinger, so it may not happen to you, Bells. Dd doesn't moan about being bored; rather, it's mainly physical complaints, like 'my shoes hurt, you touched my hair, I'm hungry, my legs are tired, I've got a bruise, this chair is too hard, my skirt is itchy'. Or it's about us not doing stuff exactly as she wants it, like the table being laid correctly or the right cups being used. Yet she isn't an unhappy child, she's always smiling. It's got so we ignore most of the litany of complaints - it's like the gentle buzz of the fridge in the background, always there!

SueDonim, are you sure you havn't got my dd2 by mistake?

How reassuring this thread is. My dd (6) is also a moaner. Nothing pleases her for more than 30 seconds. She is not happy unless she is complaining about or asking for something. Mostly I ignore it. I have found that you cannot do anything or go anywhere exciting enough to stop the whingeing. The best cure for my dd seems to be having lots of friends around. Ds enjoys being with a gang of kids too. They seem to amuse each other.

this is from you magazine "daily mail"
IS YOUR CHILD HIGHLY SENSITIVE?
answer yes or not
-startles easily
-complains about scratchy clothing,seems in socks or labels against skin
-doesnt usually enjoy big surprises -learns better from gentle correction than strong punishment -seems to read my mind -uses big words for his/her age notices the slightest unusual odour -has a clever sense of humour -seems very intuitive -is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day -doesnt cope well with big changes
-wants to change clothes immediatrly if wet or sandy
-asks lots of questions
-is a perfectionist
-notices the distress of others
-enjoys quite play
-asks deep thought-provoking questions
-is very sensitive to pain
-is bothered by noisy places
-notices subtleties(a piece of furniture thats been moved or a change in a persons appearence,for example)
-considers if it is safe before climbing too high
-performs best when strangers aren`t present
-feels things deeply
If you answered yes to 13 or more questions your child is probably highly sensitive.If only one or two questions are true of your child but are true in the extreme you might also be justified in discribing your child as highly sensitive

i answered yes to lots regarding ds,i just thought he was turning into a little victor meldrew,the report says as well that bringing up highly sensitive children can be a challenge but don`t fret,research shows that they develop into extremely succesful adults

here it is harman

that sensitive child list sounds like someone with Aspergers/HFA.

I answered yes to LOTS of these questions about DD - is it anything to worry about?

Message withdrawn

No- not unless your child is struggling.

I was being a bit tongue in cheek about the Aspergers child. It's just some of the list are classic pointers for AS- and you would see them on an AS checklist. Not all though. A child with AS would struggle to read someone's mind or notice someone's distress for example. My autistic son has a lot of those features-especially the ones to do with being hypersensitive to touch, noise, smell etc, but that's pretty universal in some form or another for autis. He also recognises changes in detail (for example went ape today because someone had moved a postcard from granny's fridge) but that just goes with being very visual. The list is pretty general and I suspect half the kids on the planet fit a lot of the list. And it was in the Daily Mail! Not to be taken too seriously I think.

i must say the daily mail was my FIL's

for ds1 I answer yes to 17 of those- so yep I was right - it does fit an auti. But then they're know to be sensitive. DS2 gets yes to 5.

I answered yes to 18 of those questions for my ds (aged 5) - I think they really are massive generalisations as whilst I recognise he is "sensitive" he is academically doing brilliantly - he has a huge circle of friends and a social life I can but envy. The Daily Mail is a truly awful paper on many different levels, not least it's demonisation of any family that doesn't fit its values. I am a single parent, therefore my child will fail - I am a working mother therefore my child will fail - he is a boy etc etc poor little monkey hasn't got a chance according to them - well maybe they ought to come and actually see us!! Sorry - but it's something I feel so strongly about - all my relatives read the flaming thing and quote it to me ahhhhhhhh!!

Hey just wondered how she over come this going through it now with my nearly 7 year old.

Aww I am going through this now!! Love how these posts were 20 years ago!!!! Wondered if everyone survived the constant moaning haha as I am tearing my hair out xx