2 year old being nasty to his Dad when he comes home from work. Any ideas why?

[CuppaTeaJanice]

My DS is 2.3, he's generally a very gentle, happy and easy-going little boy. But recently he's been really nasty to DP when he comes home after a few hours at work, cricket etc.

Today, poor DP was greeted by shouts of 'back to work', and was practically pushed out the door by DS. He then cried for about 5 minutes (DS, not DP!), refused to hug him, and said 'don't like Daddy' a few times.

10 minutes later and he's on DP's lap, hugging, laughing and reading a book together.

DP's understandably a little upset at DS's behaviour. DS clearly loves his Dad, so why is he being so nasty to him?

Is he angry that he left in the first place?

I don't think so, he says 'Bye, Daddy' cheerfully and waves through the window.

It doesn't happen every time DP goes out, but frequently enough to upset him.

No idea why it happens but plenty of sympathy here. DS has been exactly the same and, although he seems to be getting a bit better now, we have had a really horrible time.

It did take months for things to improve here, but they did, none of us did anything different, I can't think of any reason besides it being a passing phase (but what a foul one!).

I hope this passes more quickly for you.

You have my sympathy.If it's any help it passes, my ds used to do the same and at around the same age, my dp was working in a job he loathed at the time and used to feel so sorry for him coming home to be told to go away /pushed out the door, by his son. He is a really good dad and has always spent loads of time with ds which made it worse, it went on so long I did begin to wonder why/wonder if it was normal but I think it is just a bit of an oedipal thing, when his dad came home i would talk to him not ds or would disappear off for five minutes so I think he associated his dad coming home with losing my attention? They get on really well now, ds nearly 4 and think i may get pushed out the door soon!

Thanks!

Is it something that just boys do then, or has anybody had similar behaviour from a DD?

Is it the start of the Oedipal phase? He sounds the right age i.e. he sees Daddy as his rival for your affections? Not a sexual thing of course, but a sort of childish romantic thing?

Some children, if they are extremely happy or overexcited, don't know how to express it and instead will do something quite the opposite to what you expect. It's like when the little boy finds the little girl attractive, can't say what he thinks and ends up pulling her hair instead.

My own son at that age used to go all out of character and have a mad 20 minutes when I came home after a business trip. I'd get told 'he only plays up when you're back - been great the rest of the time'

I wouldn't get the Freud text-books out just yet. However, I would recommend that Dad should ride with the punches, treat it as something funny and let the 10 minute 'madness' work its way out.

Thanks everybody. I've shown this thread to DP - I think it helps to know that he's not the only dad being shunned by his toddler.

Hopefully this phase won't last long.

We have exactly the same, at times, but most of the time he adores his daddy. I think it's a mixture of the two wise theories above, how to express extreme emotion coming out the opposite, and (in my case) the slight fear that daddy arriving means I'm going to disappear. If its any reassurance it seems to come in brief bursts of a few days, and then totally disappears. Older mums of boys tell me enjoy it as before too long we will literally be second best until they re-appreciate us doing their washing at university!
gx

definitely the same here luckily dh finds it v funny.

also ds who is 2.4 and usually adores playing with the 8 year old boy next door became very upset when he called in the other day because ds's cousin, boy of 7 was here

• i think he has realised recently that one to one attention is nice and if there is a third he loses some of that attention !

hoping he will grow out of this soon plus all the other horrible 2 year old behaviours!

Cuppatea it's not just boys. My dd (2.9) does this too (whereas I don't remember DS doing it at all). She does it to everybody - DH, our lovely next door neighbours whom she adores, friends of ours she doesn't know too well, anyone who doesn't bend to her iron will (ie me ). She does it most when she really, really, really wants to spend some time with the person in question. Perhaps that could be some small comfort to your DP.

his dad walks in, you start talking to his dad, and he can no longer be the only person you may listen to.

this is the way a 2 year old thinks. It's normal for them to be self centred.

yes my dd does this too - even when she has been talking excitedly about "want to see daddy..want a cuddle"

My daughter did this at exactly the same age. Now 8 and has a great relationship with her dad - although she's always been a mummy's girl really.

It really upset both of us for a time, but I think the reason was that as soon as he came in I'd switch attention from her to him. I think it was jealousy because she had me all to herself all day, and it did actually get much better when I started to make sure I didn't ignore her for the first 20 mins to speak to him about his day.

Good luck.