What would your punishment be?

[Lovemybrood]

If your dd (11) lost her temper for something really silly (being asked to clean her teeth), then kicked something and shouted 'Fuck It', what would your consequences be?

Depends what matters to her... Withdrawal of Wii access in this house is our 'you really blew it this time' sentence.

Mobile and MP3 player confiscated for remainder of day; ironing duties or dusting duties.

Mind you, I'd also want to know who she knows that says that kind of thing.... Presumably it's not something she hears at home?

Thanks ladies, she likes to go on facebook (supervised) and has not been on for a week. She doesn't really use her mobile so that would be a no no.

She has been grounded and all other privileges removed, and is now suffering from a severe case of cabin fever.

I dread it when she starts high school.

Chil1234, she hears it from school, I've heard it from children myself picking dd1 and dd2 up from school off parents and children.

Then a strongly worded letter to the head about swearing might be in order. Legit for a school to require parents not to swear around the school gates I'd have thought....

We have had letters home from the head saying that they are aware of the problem and ask parents not to swear etc, unfortunately, some of them don't read it. Same when it comes to not taking dogs onto the premises.

Of course she'll have heard it by this age! It's in the world, and so is DC. Many children who wouldn't dream of using the full version know about 'the f word' taboo in year one or two of infants. And you can't really expect the school to control the behaviour of parents.

So where she heard it is irrelevant. What matters is what you do about it. And actually, it might be just as effective if you hardly paid any attention to it at all, but just said that wasn't an appropriate word for the home, and what the consequences will be if she chooses to say it again.

She probably won't.

Chil1234, do you have an 8 month old baby and no other children? You are surprisingly naive about how big and grown up an 11 year old is! some of them are bigger than me!

I was NEVER punished for swearing, the shock on my father's face was enough to keep me from doing it again.

11 year olds generally walk home by themselves too..... so may hear all sorts of things from older kids.

Remember some 11 year olds are in the same school as 17 and 18 year olds.

swearing is a no no in our house but it would be a days grounding. grounding in our house means you are in your room, no tv or computer etc.

I would say "I will not have you swearing now go and sit on the stairs and think about why you should not have reacted in that way"

Then once I was over the shock I would chat to her about why it was unacceptable and why she lost her temper over something so minor (I would guess it's hormones or something else has upset her)

Then she would apologise I would hope and then I'd ask her not to say that again.

My dd1 will be 11 next week and I have never heard her swear yet so this is only how I think I would deal with it.

Chil - My DS2 brought that one home from reception - only said it at home the once though! I don't remember punishing him actually, I think he just knew never to do it again. It was actually after the teacher had run a session about swearing, following a complaint from a parent....Love to know how you do that without mentioning the words

Now my DSs are older I don't think there's any point in trying to prevent them from hearing swear words (completely unrealistic for mine anyway as we attend football matched regularly). Actually, knowing them is part of their education, but they also need to know time and a place, never in front of women, grandparents, children etc (or their mum)

i would ignore it and remind her to do her teeth again

Carry on and ignore it and ask her, again, to brush her teeth. I think judging by her age, there's a possibility her hormones are on the run up to puberty. When you get a bit of quiet time with your DD, ask her if there's anything you can give her advice on.

A lot of kids your DDs age are frightened, confused or maybe angry because their bodies are going through changes and the slightest thing can set them off on a rant.

As for her teeth, well, I've seen horrific pictures of seriously rotten and painful teeth belonging to 8/9 year olds.

It would depend on whether or not that was normal behaviour for her or not (the anger, not the swearing). I'd ask why you asking her to clean her teeth elictied such a strong response and try to open up some dialogue. Then I'd go from there. I'd also be talking about appropriate ways to cope with feelings of anger and frustration.

Then I'd talk to her later about the swearing - deal with the feelings and the reason she felt the need to swear first - she must have known it would provoke a reaction from you.

*elicited