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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Clingy baby - cries with everyone except me (mum)!

7 replies

SianNic · 24/07/2010 21:05

Wonder if anyone can give me some advice? My son is 4 months old and is becoming more and more clingy towards me to the point that if anyone else holds him he almost immediately starts screaming and gets himself into such a state it is almost impossible to calm him down unless I step in. This happens with his Dad as well as other people he is familiar with like his grandparents. I dont know what to do as its very frustrating for his dad but also means I dont get a break! Its not for lack of trying as I regularly try to leave him with others but obviously I am his main carer so he is very attached to me. If anyone has any ideas or tips for getting over this we would be very grateful!

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Mollydoggerson · 24/07/2010 21:12

hmmm, my ds1 was pretty clingy, it's a bit of a daze, but I think I had to get dh to take him for short walks, to sorta break the clingy cycle and then build up the length of those walks.

It is a phase and will eventually pass but it's hard going. The weird thing is ds1 flips from wanted his dad to me now and it is a little upsetting when he chooses other people above me!

GrumpyFish · 24/07/2010 22:57

My DS (now nearly 2) was very like this. Probably because he spent the first 6-ish months of his life snuggled up to me in a sling, or in bed, or on the sofa watching daytime tv! When the point came that I just needed a break, we had to make lots of effort to get him happy with DH. It was hard, but I just had to let DH get on with it - let him change nappies, do baths, take DS for walks, and not just step in when DS got hysterical (up until then I'd probably just been taking over as soon as he objected). Nights were worst - DS would scream the house down for hours if he woke (as he frequently did) and DH rather than me picked him up. I was BF but for a week or so over the Christmas hols, if he woke and definitely wasn't hungry, or if he wouldn't settle after a feed, DH would just sit up with him and cuddle him back to sleep for as long as it took. Usually this was hours, and none of us got any sleep in the process. However, it was absolutely worth it as after a week or so of this DS happily accepted either DH or I as care givers. Took a little longer with other people, but by about 10ish months he was happy with GPs, and now he'd pretty much go to anyone . Persevere - it is important that his dad has a good relationship with him too, and will make life much easier for you. Just make sure he's getting lots of love and attention from whoever you are trying to leave him with, and for us introducing one "new" person at a time worked well.

enzed · 25/07/2010 10:57

My dd is still like this at 8 months, not so much with her daddy, but with all other relatives (which has been a bit of an issue). We just persevere and if I really need a rest, I just leave the room - she settles in a couple of minutes if she can't see me and then when I come back if fine with whoever is holding her. Although it's really hard hearing her cry and not just taking her back, I've learned that she will stop crying quite quickly if she doesn't know I'm there.

Shaz10 · 25/07/2010 10:59

My son (12 months) did this the other day. But seeing as his dad is a cheating bastard, and he was crying every time I passed him to his dad, it was almost funny.
It is a phase. "This too shall pass..."

MigGril · 25/07/2010 21:54

Babies quit rightly go through phases of seperation axaity. Espicaly bad usely around 9months, 12months and our worset one around 16-18months. It's part of there development, completly normal and actualy best not to force speration as some school's off though believe that forming sercure attachments at such a young age help them be more independent and less clingy latter.

4 months is on the younger end of the scale for this, but I have a freind who's children both started at around this age to recognise that they can be left by mum. Totaly normal, hear's some addition info for you.

[http://www.nct.org.uk/info-centre/information/view-71]

MigGril · 25/07/2010 21:55

Try again.

www.nct.org.uk/info-centre/information/view-71

It's a phase it will pass.

MoragG · 26/07/2010 13:02

I can completely sympathise - my DD started doing this at 3 months (now 6 months old). She is fine with her Dad now - we just persevered with this, and going away for a weeks holiday when she got to see him all the time helped. She still screams when handed to anyone else, including grandparents. I always end up taking her back after a minute as it seems so cruel to let her cry! However, this week I am going to go out for an hour and leave her with her Granny and see how it goes. I really want her to start getting used to being held by and looked after by other people - both for her and for me! One thing that I have noticed is that if she is picked up by e.g. her Gran and I am not in the room it seems to be less of a problem, i.e she is less likely to scream if she can't see me! You would think she would be reassured by me being there, but this actually seems to make it worse.

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