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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Naughty 3 yr old

21 replies

Clare123 · 23/07/2010 20:22

My nearly 3 yr old is so naughty and I just don't know why! My eldest was never like this. He is not always naughty but definitely a good percentage of the day.

He is really loud and often hyper. Climbs on things all the time. He often does things that he knows are naughty (like drawing on the walls or taking thing from the fridge). He spoils other children's games, and ignores me. Thankfully he rarely hits anymore.

I work really hard on praising good behaviour, ignoring as much as I can. I give him one to one attention at least a few times a day.

He starts a more formal pre school in September and I just don't know how he is getting on.

I don't really know why I am posting....just any experience of this would be really appreciated!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ttalloo · 23/07/2010 20:23

He sounds as if he has huge amounts of energy. Does his behaviour improve when he gets lots of exercise?

taffetacatski · 23/07/2010 20:37

Is your eldest a girl? TBH he sounds like a normal 3 yo boy.

Original poster

Clare123 · 23/07/2010 20:42

Taff - Yes!!! How did you guess?!

Yes, he does calm down with exercise. He does eat and sleep really well, and loves his cars, lego and reading books. Its just I wish he wasn't the "one" always causing trouble!

OP posts:

taffetacatski · 23/07/2010 20:57

I have a few close friends who had relatively biddable girls, followed by feral boys. I say this as a parent with a 6yo DS and a relatively biddable 3yo DD. I know a few who really think they have done something wrong in their parenting and that they have really naughty boys. I see normal boy behaviour, nothing more or less.

I remember vividly going to playgroups with DS age 2-3 and being close to tears comparing him to my friend's girls, who shared, came when asked, sat and played etc. He would tear around, fight/whine for toys with others, cling to me, and generally be much harder work and get more arched eyebrows from observers.

He sounds great and it sounds like you are doing a great job. IME, lots of boys are very different in exactly the way you have described, to their sisters. Maybe try reframing how you think of it, he's not really being naughty. Its all normal for his age.

My DS btw has just finished Y1 and has an exemplary report for his behaviour.

hambo · 23/07/2010 20:59

I have a three year old bot and he is full of energy and ignores me (cloth ears) - but he would never draw on a wall or whine or cling to me. he plays well and is great.

I don't think you can blame their sex. It is personality.

Boys are well behaved too.

I know millions of rotter girls too.

mintyfresh · 23/07/2010 21:02

Sounds like you are doing all the right things - hard work though isn't it! I think a lot of the behaviour at this age is about control - what can I get away with etc?!

My 3 yr old DD is much more willfully naughty than my 6 yr old DS ever was (he was hard work in his own way )

Not sure if it could also be a younger sibling thing too - I feel my DD is much less innocent than DS was at the same age....

taffetacatski · 23/07/2010 21:02

I am not blaming the sex, thats an awful way of putting it.

I know millions will come on and say its the other way round in their experience etc etc, and thats fine, I am talking about my experience and my friends.

hambo · 23/07/2010 21:07

Taffet...

'IME, lots of boys are very different in exactly the way you have described, to their sisters. Maybe try reframing how you think of it, he's not really being naughty. Its all normal for his age. '

Are you sure?

It grates with me that you 'guessed' that OP had a daughter because she was 'never like this' (never like OPs 'naughty' son).

Boys may have more energy (?) but they can still be well behaved.

taffetacatski · 23/07/2010 21:12

hambo - I don't understand why it would grate with you. I didn't guess the op had a DD - I asked as it wasn't clear from her post.

Like I say I have a few close friends who describe their son's behaviour in a similar way so wanted to empathise with op beacuse ofd my experiences.

I would never suggest that boys can't be well behaved.

I adore boys, boisterous, well behaved, whatever. It does piss me off when I share my experiences on here to try and help others people jump on it taking it as a personal sleight.

hambo · 23/07/2010 21:20

I have not taken this as a personal slight....I know you have not directed your opinion upon me and my DS.

I know this is a generalisation which you are making!!

However I wanted to point out that boys and girls are not really too different in behavioural terms. They can both be good and naughty.

Boys may be more active and energetic and even more loud.

However drawing on walls, spoiling games etc sounds naughty to me and not 'normal boys behaviour'

It may be normal for his age (to be a rotter) but I don't think discussion about his gender is relevant.

taffetacatski · 23/07/2010 21:27

I am not comfortable labelling a boy or a girl naughty or "rotter"

In my experience, boys and girls at age 2-3 behave very differently - not good or bad but differently. I don't think wall drawing, spoiling games etc are gender specific, indeed my DD is the wall drawer in this house, my DS never did it.

Loud, hyper, climbing were also mentioned. These are things often mentioned by my friends who have DDs first. I know they aren't exclusively male traits before anyone says their DD is loud, hyper and climbs lots.

Original poster

Clare123 · 23/07/2010 21:34

I have to agree with Taff, most the mothers I know who have boys seem to be far more understanding about my son's behaviour. In my experience boys tend to be far more boisterous - not all though.

My daughter was far better behaved.

Also, don't think my son is a rotter.

OP posts:

hambo · 23/07/2010 21:34

I am not comfortable labelling a boy or a girl naughty either, was just paraphrasing OP.

However my children are often 'Rotters' of the first degree and I don't think of that term as being any different to 'Monkey' or the like.

In my experience, my DS (3) plays with girls and boys and they are all the same. Identical. All play footie, all play in the sand, all glue and stick and dress up and all read books and all want the same toy etc etc etc.

Of course some are quieter than others, and some louder etc but I have noticed this to be based on their personalities not gender.

CoinOperatedGirl · 23/07/2010 21:38

I blame being three tbh, both my girl and boy have been wee gits at three. Not so much terrible two's as throttlesome three's. I think as with 4, 3 is a prime age for testing boundaries and being stroppy, just suck it up and hope that 5 is better.

taffetacatski · 23/07/2010 21:39

Clare - if I had my time again with DS, I never would have socialised with mothers of only well behaved DDs and I never would have taken DS to music group, relentlessly, every week, expecting him to behave like those same girls.

He is my dear, dear PFB and I spent the first 3 years of his life worried and frustrated when I should have been appreciating him.

CoinOperatedGirl · 23/07/2010 21:43

Ime (not extremely wide tbh) girls and boys are not that different at 3, neither like to share or listen to mothers, both are boisterous and energetic.

Maybe I haven't encountered the mysterious biddable girl everyone talks about on Mn, who sits and draws and plays with dolls.

hambo · 23/07/2010 21:46

Taff - maybe that is why your DD is more chilled - because you are?

hambo · 23/07/2010 21:48

Clare - sorry if I offended you re 'rotter' - in my world this is affable.

taffetacatski · 23/07/2010 21:51

hambo - she certainly has had a different experience of mothering to him. She's not a chilled child though. Neither DH or I are chilled.

icapturethecastle · 23/07/2010 21:51

He also sounds exactly like my DS who is nearly 3 - also drew on the wall this week!! He is just a whirlwind of energy, mischievousness and boisterousness
and I am seem to be surrounded by girls (and yes some boys) who are all well behaved. It can be very exhausting can't it? He is due to start pre-school in September and is very excited about this - I keep saying well they wont like it if you do this or that at pre-school and you will have to come home etc - I know by September this ploy will be well over used and no doubt ignored!

ttalloo · 23/07/2010 22:15

Clare, your DS sounds like a pretty normal boy with lots of energy and a very strong temperament. If exercise helps him, then just make sure he has as many outlets as possible during the day for that huge physical energy, and persevere with trying to instil discipline and to teach him how to behave better.

I am sure that you will see a huge difference in him when he's had a term of pre-school, in terms of playing nicely with other children, learning to share or take turns, and also doing what is expected of him at various times in the day. My DS1 has had a year of pre-school and his confidence and social skills have greatly improved (he has a more cautious temperament and can be extremely nervous in new situations).

BTW You mentioned that your DS doesn't hit anymore, which suggests that he has grown out of 'bad' behaviour, and is therefore capable of learning not to draw on walls or ignore you. He'll get there in the end, he just needs as much patience as you can muster in the meantime, and not to be labelled 'naughty'. You sound as if you are doing a great job with him - just don't give up on him or yourself.

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