*HELP* My 2 year old son is smacking babies!

[roblikyle]

We weekly meet with 5 other mums(from ante natal classes)each week for the last 2 1/2yrs. There are 5 children the around same age as my son(hes the youngest of the group by 3 weeks)&a 14 month old&a 8 month old. Just recently my son has started smacking/pushing/pulling the younger babies, especially the 14 month old as he is able to target her easily as she walking around. There seems to be no reason for it what so ever she doesn't take toys from him, smack/push him first, he will just go up to her&either smack/push/pull her&then go back off&play there is no remorse or even pleasure on his face when he does it, I just don't understand why hes being like this. I take him aside&tell him that its wrong, I sit him on the naughty step, I've even gone home as a result of his behaviour but nothing I do seems to stop him. I have discussed it time&time again within my group of friends&they all say that there sure it just a phase hes going through as he is not a nasty/spiteful boy in any other way, but surely there is only so much they can take, it is so embarrasing &frustrating. Not only that 2of the mums are pregnant&due any day now&1 of my biggest fears is that my son will go up to the newborns&smack them!! PLEASE PLEASE help me, can anyone give me any advice on what I can do, has your child or anyone you know ever done this. I feel so sad over this whole situation. Thank you for taking the time to read this very long (but much needed) question.

Could you introduce a start chart? He's a bit young, but say he's in the presence of 1 younger child even for a very short time without smacking them, could you award him a star, so that he can see the good consequences of not doing it?

I'm sure your friends are all correct btw, that it's just a phase.

Thanks your prompt reply, I will try that when we meet this week.
Fingers crossed.

My son did this when he was 2 to a 16 month old we see a lot of.

He has grown out of it, after being told, again and again, we do not hit people.

Now she is 2.4, she is 20 months, and she does it to him instead. And now it's her mum howling with embarrassment, not me.

other than telling over and over again, and maybe immediately taking a toy away, not a lot you can do

Is there any body else out there that could possibly give me anymore advice or experience on this matter, as we're meeting up with the girl's this Friday and I'm dreeding it!! Help I'm desperate!!!!

eeek my dd has been known to do same thing with her 16 month old cousin (my kid is 2 and a half). And you're right, they have this strange, impassive, 'experimental' look on their little faces as they inflict their slaps! I think that is exactly what they are doing: experimenting to see to what extent babies are people like they are (as they seem to be doing when they pull the cat's tail - it's like: 'is this furry thing a sentient creature, or what?').
It is really demoralising from the parental POV. I have no suggestions: I can only empathise and feel grateful that I don't have a new baby for my dd to test her limits with.

Roblikyle, I think youre just going to have to go along with it. No one thing is going to stop him all of a sudden. The key I think is in the way you deal with it.

You know what he will respond well to, star chart/naughty corner or ignoring. For me, DS is only 20 mos so doesnt really get the start chart thing yet. He has however, started to hit (not exactly sure where he has got it from as we dont do it)and we just say firmly 'NO hitting' and ignore him for a while. I think its slightly more awkward to do the ignoring thing when youre out and about so perhaps you could just move him away from all the other children and repeat it.

After 1 minute, return and ask for an apology or get him to apologise to the child he hit.

If he continues the bad behaviour, go home, explaining that if he cant 'play nice' etc.. This may be difficult to do around your friends and other adults but if he is strong willed you may have to just to show him who is in charge.

I have seen an improvement in my DS by doing this to the point where he is ready to go straight to the hugging as soon as he sees the look on my face. Not ideal yet, but I know that he has learned that it is wrong. I will keep going!

Definitely a phase, and they all do it, but I'd think it unlikely that a toddler would smack a newborn baby, as they're much less of a 'threat'. IME it's usually reserved for children 6 months - 1 year younger for some reason.

Oh dear, this brought back memories. My 2 year old used to target babies who were just about walking, she used to stroll up to them and stroke their hair to lull them into a false sense of security then bash them . Or else she used to stroll by casually and trip them up. Very embarrassing at the time but rest assured it was a short phase.

My 2.8 yr old DS is beginning to emerge from a year long phase of pinching and biting babies. He's the baby at home and I can only think he was jealous of children younger than him. All I could do was tell him off and remove him from the situation. I also warned other parents to keep an eye on him in case he targetted their offspring. Honesty always seemed the best policy, especially amongst friends. Now biting and pinching has given way to kissing, which causes its own problems, especially when he launches himself on some unsuspecting 8month old! He will grow out of it. Try not to worry too much about what other people think.

roblikyle - Can totally empathise as ds was like this until very recently.

This is the way that I tackled it in the end. If I saw him being rough I go up to him, bend down to his level and say in a quiet stern voice "smacking is not allowed, if you keep doing it we will go home" and basically if he kept doing it and ignoring my warnings I would leave with him!
I know that this sounds harsh - but it worked for ds and he hasn't been rough with other children in a while now. (this was a last resort)

I would also encourage good behaviour. For instance when I saw him do something sweet I would say how happy I was that he was playing so nicely. In a way teaching him to play well.

Hope this helps. Failing this they grow out of it! good luckx

You said that you've even taken him home after an slapping incident. I think that's the way to go - but you may have to do this more than once to reinforce it.

Have a zero tolerance threshold. Don't let him slap one child and give him another chance before you take him home, instead take him home instantly after the first transgression.

Before you go in to see the others, hunch down so that you are at eye level with him and tell him very directly in advance that he should not pull, push or hit other children when you get in there and if he does it will be straight home.

I expect another poster will say that this is too complex for a 2.5 year old, but my dd is only 3.2, and did understand and respond to this sort of approach when 2.5 so it's worth a try.

It seems draconian, but I have 'unfashionable' views that sometimes you have to be draconian if you want to stop an undesirable behaviour.

PS I am sure he is a lovely little boy, but as a toddler he is testing boundaries like they all do!

handlemecarefully - I totally agree with you

lol, and I totally agree with you too

Clever aren't we?

WOW!! Thank you all so much for your replies and support, I was surprised to see so many other kids have done it in the past (it's reassuring to know that I'm or should I say we are not alone) and relieved that it does seem to be a phase, hopefully not a much longer one!?!
I will put your advice to use this Friday, once again thanks for all taking the time to reply.
Keep your fingers crossed xxxx

Hello, just thought I'd update you on my DS. The last two times that we've all met up Kyle has played beautifully with the other babies!! So it looks like it was just a phase after all. Thanks to all of those who helped to keep me sane !!
HAPPY DAYS