Constantly getting out of bed at night

[kiwidreamer]

I?m at my wits end with DS (24mths) getting out of bed during the night and his early waking. He was a brilliant sleeper from around 7mths to 21mths, apart from illness or teething he slept through regularly. At 21mths I decided to take the side of his cot as he is a big lad and it was hurting my back a little to lift him in and out. Ever since he has been a total nightmare for waking anywhere between 1 and 5 times during the night and needing me to put him back to bed and waking at around 5am thinking its time to start the day (today it was 4.15am). We have a black out curtain in his room but the light does travel up the stairs and from our room but cant shut his door as a) we never have and he now hates it and will get hysterical and b) he can open it any way (have a baby gate across his doorway).

He goes down at night fine (now, it took a few weeks to wean off the sleeping bag) and day sleeps too but all the resettling I?m having to do during the night is taking its toll on both of us. He is falling asleep much earlier in the day, wanting to nap longer, asking for the TV more than he used to and generally shirty but that?s probably just the joys of toddlerhood and my fuse and patience aren?t what they used to be. We are currently TTC#2 and I know those first 12 weeks are a killer for tiredness so really want to sort this problem now if possible!

Options I?m considering that feedback on would be great...
a) Put side back on cot
b) Buy a bed guard
c) Buy a proper big single bed
d) Limit his day sleep to 1 hr or drop altogether
e) Leave him to cry during the night and figure out how to get himself back into bed
f) Leave him to cry in the mornings and figure out how to amuse himself until 6am

I?m worried that putting the sides back on will be really confusing for him and of no use anyhow cos he?s lost the ability to re-settle himself so he?ll just keep waking. Physically the cot bed is low enough that he is absolutely fine getting in and out of the bed. Any ideas on how to get past this issue would be fantastic, thanks!

You say you weaned him off the sleeping bag. It might be an idea to reintroduce it. I used to find that my son would wake up a lot if he became uncovered at night.

We did try and put him back in it right at the beginning after a few nights of howling at bed time and getting out during the night but he still got out of bed and shuffled to the gate to yell for me! We ended up weaning him off it completely as even at 1tog he was getting really hot n sweaty in this warmer weather.

Then you have to try to limit his daytime naps to an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon and really tire him out for the evening. Lots of physical activity in the fresh air, plenty to eat, relaxing bath at bedtime etc. Sleeping habits are something that can be learned. If you can get him to sleep through because he's physically tired initially, this will eventually become his regular habit.

When my DD tried this I simply returned her to bed without talking to her over and over again and left the room, she got bored of it. I did have to limit her daytime naps to just one for 90 mins only. She's now got the point that if I say it's not time to get up yet, it's night time and I leave, she now accepts it.

Have you thought of buying these for when it cools again a little?

You could try buying a big bed and barrier but keeping the cot in the room and if he doesn't comply putting him into the cot again (with the side back on)? But at least he'll get used to seeing the bed in the room and more familiar with it if it doesn't work for now.

If there is already a stairgate on his door, leave it shut at night. My friends did end up leaving their son to shout, as nothing else worked and he did get the message in the end but that's very stressful for you and for them, so maybe a last resort only?

It does get better, my DD is really good now at staying in her room and bed at age almost 3.

Thanks for your replies, he only has the one sleep and I think I might try and put a one hour limit on and see what happens. As I said he was a really good sleeper until the side of the cot came off, or at least if he did wake in the night he was easily able to resettle himself to sleep. We are very active and he has a bedtime routine that hasnt changed he is definitely tired and ready for bed at 7pm so that part isnt a problem, I guess eventually he'll get it when I say its still night time / time for sleeping. I dont really mind having to put him back in bed once or twice a night, not fun but wont kill me ;-) its the 45mins of constant crying when I try and do it at 5.15am but I guess he'll eventually get the message!

Would some good toys left in his room when you went to bed (11pm) be a good idea? Then he doesn't play with them when he's meant to be going to bed but they're there ready for the early wake up? I did do that for a short while with my DD last Summer, I'd completely forgotten until just now. I also left a drink in a sealed anyway up cup by the toys too, when I sneaked the toys in at 11pm. It did seem to work for a short while but this plan will backfire if he wakes in the night and plays with them Good if he sleeps through and then they entertain him to a slightly more reasonable hour in the morning though?

Really hope things improve, maybe another mumsnetter will come along with a plan tonight x

Actually funny you should suggest that Tea&Cake I did try that last night, left a few flap books and two of his favourite cars on the floor in his room... come 12am when he woke I nearly took a skate on one of the cars, he had definately moved them from where I left them at 10pm, so funny to think of him spying them in the dark LOL Anyhow the wake up last night was due to a dirty nappy (very rare) and he called for me at 5.55am which is okay as DH has to get up at 6am anyhow so that was an improvement.

As far as I can tell bed guard wont help since our situation isnt about falling out of bed and I feel if I put the sides on he's just going to hurt himself now he knows he can move around the room.

Might see if any of those Gro Duvet's turn up on Ebay this week!

5.55am? Well that's a bit better. Funny about the toys being moved a little

My DD fell out of the bed a lot when she first moved to a bed, hence me saying barrier in an earlier post.

Hope tonight goes well.

I would try:

1. Keeping him in a sleeping bag but keeping him in the bed
2. Get a proper sized single bed (it'll be his for years and years so a good investment
3. Put a side guard on
4. Use rewards for staying in bed

Sorry, just saw that you have fully weaned him off sleeping bag.

I would add:

1. Reduce day time naps and wear him out

Hi kiwidreamer

We are having the exact same problem with our LO. Slept fine over recent months and now he is attempting to escape from his room the second he stirs in the night rather than just going back to sleep unless there is something wrong (eg dirty nappy) like he used to.

Am just wondering if you have made any progress at all? I know it isn't long since your original post but I thought I would let you know I am in the same boat and eager to find out if you have discovered the secret!!!

Hi
We are having the same problem with DS (2.6). It has been going on for 6 months now and I'm 37 weeks pregnant. He slept like a dream until we put him in a bed and then all hell broke loose. He is fine going to bed (we stay with him until he falls asleep which only takes about 5 mins as he's knackered and gave up naps a long time ago).

This is what we have tried:-

• Rapid Return. Tried it for weeks and he just got more and more wound up and it seemed to make him wake up even more in the night.

• Gradual Retreat. Only works when he is semi-awake and just wants to go back to sleep. Lately he is a lot more aware and we would be spending all night in his room until he gave in.

• Stairgate. He flung himself over head first.
• Back in the cot. As above.

• Rewards, such as a starchart system or chocolate. Not at all bothered about this in the night - think he is too young.

• Taking things away, e.g. no tv tomorrow, lego in the loft etc. Really doesn't work as he just accepts it but it doesn't improve things. Once again, think he's too young.

What I have tried recently to keep him in his room is by closing the door and pulling it shut so he can't get out. Sounds harsh but it is working for us. He hates being shut out of rooms and we sometimes have to do this if he has a major tantrum. We say that if he gets back in bed we will open the door and keep it open. If he gets out again we will shut the door again. This is the only thing so far that seems to be having an effect.

Sorry if this all sounds very negative but just wanted you to know you're not alone and you just have to persevere with different things until something works. My friends all have huge success with stairgates but I knew my DS would climb over his - at least with the door shutting thing he can't get out and the threat of it is enough to keep him in bed.

Good luck!! [happy]

First, this suggestion is not for everyone. But, as an option, have you thought about a small mattress in your room, next to or at the bottom of your bed. If your DS is waking because he wants to be near you (human instinct, most people of all ages like sleeping close to someone else), then you could encourage him to come through to your room and put himself back to sleep there?

My DD did this when she went into a bed - she was fine for the first three weeks or so but then started to get out of bed and come into our room several times a night.

We worked out that she actually getting out of bed without waking up properly - almost in her sleep.

We couldn't put a bed guard on due to the style of her bed (although that would have been our first choice), so we wedged the travel baby gate between the side of her bed and her bedside table.

When she tried to swing her legs out, she would hit the gate and because she wasn't properly awake, she'd just roll over and go back to sleep. It also meant she couldn't get out in the mornings without calling for us and we used to tell her not to call until it was light or until she heard mommy's radio (the alarm). It worked a treat.

I wouldn't go back to putting the sides back on his cot - it may confuse him.

In a funny way so glad to hear of others having same issues!!! Willowk I often actually wonder the same thing, that DS isnt actually fully awake when he is standing at the gate calling for me, he has that wobbly wail to his voice and more often than not is asleep before I even leave the room - I dont do anything but turn him around to face the bed, he climbs into bed, I tuck him in and sometimes kiss on forehead and leave again, 90% of the time he has no trouble nodding off again. Maybe a bed guard down the second half of his body would help??

Actually I have a 'safety sleep' from when he was little that I could use, velcro the flaps over him as I go to bed that might work... he can undo velcro when he is awake no doubt but if he is half asleep it might be enough to deter him from getting out of bed. He can still move left to right in it but might give that extra security as with the sleeping bag.

Also wonder if being up high in single bed would be enough to put him off hoping down after the first time or two - prob not as he's fine with getting in and out of our bed.

Hmmm will go check out how much single beds cost... surely Argos are having a sale, arent they always!