child I can't stand is DC's friend - help!

[aegeansky]

That's right. I can't stand one of my DC's favourite friends, to the extent that I no longer want him to come and play. This is especially relevant now with the long holiday approaching, as I do most of the summer childcare.

I first noticed that this child was hard word for me about a year ago - withdrawn, sullen,
easily complaining of boredom, and (if he is one of a group) often going off and doing his own thing, but not in a very engaged way.

I find this reaction disturbing as I don't normally reject children like this. I also think he has needs that I cannot/ should not have to meet and I don't feel willing to spend my time controlling his very poor behaviour (climbing on furniture, throwing a chair across the room instead of putting it back nicely.

I can deal with any other friend that comes round, but this one is now causing me a headache. What can I do?

Some kids are nice in small doses. Unless 'doing most of the summer childcare' means you're paid to look after him, I would restrict the amount of time he spends in your home to the bare minimum. And whatever the arrangement is, give him some groundrules on the behaviour you expect and then chuck them all out in the garden and let them get on with some games. Ultimate threat is that he gets sent home if he's a PITA.

Very short visits and only occasional, if at all.

Thanks both, very helpful.

But what do I say to DS when he complains that he isn't playing with his friend often enough?

And how do I avoid transmitting my excruciating negativity to the parents when I see them!? (Oh, that's the next bit, I even mind when DS goes to play there now, which is totally illogical.) I know I'm trying, subconsciously, to limit play opportunities outside school with this child.

We've got stuff planned for this week but he can come over next week, see it's on the calendar. Remind your ds that some days you just need a quiet day with no friends over. Also how about meeting up at the park with the other Mum, that way if you can't cope you can leave - urgent text message or whatever!

WWhat do your dcs see in him if he's so awful?

Surely you don't have to have him over? How do you get on with his parents? Can you have one of them over at the same time so you don't have to "deal" with him, but your dc still get their fave friend?

I don't think you're obliged to 'like' anyone... adult or child. If you're talking to his parents just be politely vague. And if your son complains that he doesn't see old PITA-boy much, then be honest - say you don't think he's a good influence.

yellowvan, good Q, but it's not what I think that counts. They just do the usual boisterous boy stuff together, and can't really see what makes it tick, in this case, but who am I to judge?

I think best to try and keep the boisterous stuff outside at a park and not in your home. If his behaviour is extreme perhaps you can mention to the other Mum that the 2 of them together can get a little wild and will she contactable whilst you have them in case you need to end the date early?

It kind of makes the point that sometimes there is an issue without blaming her son for the problem.