18 month old- too young for 'discipline'??

[YummyorSlummy]

I'm posting on here as I really do feel clueless about what kind of discipline (that sounds a bit harsh but can't think of a better word!!) is appropriate for my 18 mth ds. The main problems are that he:

Throws food and cutlery/bowls etc onto the floor at every single meal time and/or empties the food out all over the table! I'm trying to teach him how to use a spoon and feed himself so i can accept that this is going to be a rather messy time but don't know how to react when he does this. I've tried saying 'no' as he seems to understand this word, but ignores me whenever he's at the table!

Goes into the kitchen cupboards constantly and empties the food out. I know that its easier to put child locks on at this age but we can't because we aren't allowed to put holes in the kitchen units. I'm waiting for a new safety gate to arrive (I live overseas) so what can I say in the meanwhile? Just tell him no and put back whatever he gets out?

Smacks me in the face whenever I try to give him a kiss (lovely I know!) is this just another 'no' situation at this age, is he too young for a short spell of time out?
Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks!

If you mean 'discipline' as 'punishment' then I don't think that he'll ever be old enough! I don't agree with punishment or rewards for children, having read so much about them.

However, he's definitely not too young do know you're cross with him and to have you consistently saying 'we don't throw our food' and (although he won't understand it yet) 'if you throw your food, I will have to take it away'. Don't say 'no' all the time, as it quickly becomes meaningless.

You need to a) accept that he's normal, b) accept that he won't learn things immediatedly and c) understand that he needs to learn things from being shown and having patient, loving explanations.

Food: I would keep asking him not to do it, keep cleaning it up, and keep taking it away for a minute to show him what you mean.

Cupboards: This is totally normal and healthy exploration. Don't lock him out of cupboards and rooms, but arrange your cupboards so that he has one cupboard with all your plastic things in that he is allowed to explore. So that, rather than saying 'don't do that' all the time, you're saying 'here, take the things out of this cupboard only please'. He'll learn with time - and make sure that the things in the other cupboards aren't extremely dangerous or seriously difficult to clean up!

The only locked cupboard in our house is the cleaning cupboard, and my DDs have been happy so long as they've had at least one cupboard to empty. Don't lock him out of the kitchen either - he won't ever learn any sort of safety in the kitchen if he's never allowed in there, and you might leave it open once by mistake, and he'll get in there knowing nothing about how to stay safe.

Provide lots of other interesting things for him to empty - a box of empty cardboard boxes (cereal boxes etc); a 'treasure basket'; a box full of fabric scraps.

Smacking: Just keep gently holding his hand/arm when he does this and say firmly 'be gentle with mummy please'. he will learn - he's just experimenting.

And definitely no 'time out'. That just says 'I only love you when you're nice' even if you don't mean that at all, which just makes children act up more, to test your love for them.

My DD used to throw food, and I would simply say 'no' and then remove the food from in front of her. Sounds mean but she pretty quickly learnt that if she throws food then the meal is over.

Same sort of thing for the cupboards, say 'no' and remove him from the kitchen. Can you not get the locks that just stick onto the cupboard, I don't think they leave a mark when removed.

If he slaps you then again a firm 'no' and place him on the floor and ignore him for a minute or so.

If you don't give any attention to the bad bahaviour then in time it should stop, and lots of praise/ attention when he is being good.

I think discipline with the under-2's is more like training a puppy than dealing with a person. By which I mean that they pick up on tone of voice, expression of face and other body-languance than they do any kind of reasoning. Also, you do have to set up the environment to make it more difficult for them to misbehave. When it comes to hitting and hair-pulling etc. I think they need to get the message that 'it hurts'....because they don't always understand. A very firm grip around the offending wrists is uncomfortable and stops them from hitting you again.

Well I have a DS who is 18 months too. To be honest I don't worry too much about the food, however once he begins trying to throw it on the floor a lot or turn the bowl/ plate upside down and I think it is likely that he'll launch it elsewhere. I remove it, as I figure he's obviously had enough to eat. If he then whimpers I say "well mummy doesn't want you to throw your food and I give it back again" he may then eat a bit more but then he often does it again, so I take it away for good. To be honest most of the time when he starts to do this, he's full I think. I try and sit at the table with him at meal times and eat with him where possible. He has a splash mat underneath and I mop up any extra mess after meals. I don't worry if he moves the food to the table instead just yet, as long as he eats it. I just accept it's part of it all. I just wipe up well after. But maybe that's just me I have to say my son won't let me help him anymore, so sometimes I might put something on the spoon for him but then I have to lie it on the plate and he picks it up and puts it in his mouth himself. He doesn't like me doing it for him now at all. Mr independent

My DD went through this stage as well and now eats fine at almost age 3. So I console myself with the fact he'll grow out of it soon enough.

I do not have enough room or cupboards in my kitchen to create one especially for my son to empty but it is a lovely idea and I know people who've done it and it has worked brilliantly. I now have cupboard locks on them all and a stair gate on the kitchen door, which I close if I'm cooking etc. My son has a habit of banging the touch pad on my washing machine and I am worried he will damage it, hence the stairgate. I never needed to buy cupboards locks or a stairgate with my DD at 18 months, she was very good at not going in there if I said no. Sure she tested it once a day to check I still meant no but she would then go next door again, unlike my son who is seriously tenacious and goes back over and over again! I try and say why he cannot do things, they'll break, that's dangerous etc etc. Not just saying no. IYSWIM?

When my son tries to smack me, he gets a very firm no and put down. Some of my friends have taken to smacking their wrist and placing them by the front door for a short while when they do this and have had great success in this behaviour stopping. I don't feel comfortable doing that personally but each person to their own I suppose Doesn't make much sense to me to slap them for slapping you? It is a controversial area but for me I child proof my house as much as possible, so I do not have to constantly say no to him. I try and make a fuss of him when he's being good and he's starting to help me tidy up and put things away lately as well. So there's good with the bad. I find as long as he has one good nap a day his behaviour is less troublesome and there are less tantrums. He does get very upset sometimes when I say no, I just lie him down on the floor when he's especially cross and thrashing about and out at everything, so he can calm down and walk off for while, as he seems to calm down quicker without an audience and then hug I him once he's calm again and try and explain why he cannot do something i.e. that was a very silly thing to do, give him a kiss and say well done for calming down and explain again why he couldn't do x,y,z etc. That's just me but I decided I couldn't give in when he threw a tantrum when I wouldn't allow him to do something. Everyone is different though and no doubt you can decide what's best for you by reading all the different points of view on here and find a middle ground you're comfortable with but no 18 months isn't too young in my opinion to discipline.

I'll apologise in advance for the typos, as I am typing this rather fast, as I need to dash x

Thanks for all your advice, you were all really helpful! I think the age he's at is a tricky one because he's not a little baby anymore and I'm just finding my feet as a mum with an energetic little toddler

Yes I am looking forward to being able to reason with him like his sister. It is very wearing some days.