4 year old hair-brushing misery - shall I cut it short?

[EmmalinaC]

My 4 year old DD hates having her hair brushed. At the moment it's shoulder length, very fine and prone to tangles but she is very proud of it because she 'looks like a princess'

I've tried the obvious practical steps (detangling conditioner, soft brush)and rewarding her with stickers when he is good but still pretty much every morning she kicks off (struggling, screaming) when she sees the brush and it's making me utterly miserable.

In desperation I threatened to cut it short which worked for a couple of days but this morning she was worse than ever - and I completely lost my temper with her . Now I feel like I have to carry this threat through, even though the idea of cutting it against her will, like some sort of punishment, is horrible.

I can't believe something so minor is causing us all so much misery. Any suggestions as to where we go from here would be most welcome!

I wouldn't cut it totally against her will but neither would I allow the situation to continue. Basically I think you have to persuade her to have it cut a bit.

Have you tried letting her brush it herself. Dd (5) is not too keen on hair brushing either, but is willing to do it herself. I usually have to tidy itup afterwards, but she does get most of the tangles out.

I really feel for you|!!!

DD2 (now 17 years old) was an absolute nightmare with her hair when she was about that age. I was really reluctant to cut it because I liked it longer, and so did she, but as for the daily screaming sessions...... I am surprised people didnt think I was murdering her every morning.

One thing that I did, was loads of conditioner when I washed it and just abandoned the hairbrush on dry hair. When it was dry, I would get her to tip her head upside down and put it in a pony tail. It looked acceptable, was out of her way and no tears!!The conditioner sort of kept it tidy and smooth looking, so not too bad.

Could you encourage her to brush it a bit herself? I know she would not be able to do a great job at her age, but maybe she would see that it really isnt that bad!

Does she start to shout even before the hairbrush has touched a hair on her head .... DD used to do that!!!! Drove me potty!!!!

When DD was about 8 SHE decided that short hair was the way to go! HATED IT!! She came out of the hairdressers in tears and hated it sooooooo much! DOnt do it!!!!!!
You would never guess now that she hated having her hair brushed, she spends so long straightening, curling, up, down, etc, now!!

It wont last, it will imnprove!!

What is causing the tangles - is it because she has it loose all the time? CAn she have it in a plait for bed (nice & cool on hot nights, with added waves in the morning) and tied up when runnning round outside like a loon?

THen she still has nice long hair for best.

I have 3 DDs, all grown up now. DD2 was like that, though the other two were fine - I used to plait their hair before bed, which made things much easier in the morning, and as a bonus you get lovely waves and curls! Please don't cut it! All little girls should have long hair! And, like others have mentioned, a good conditioner will work wonders as well.

Choose a moment when you are both chilled - eg in the holidays - and have a mutual grooming session. Let her brush yours.

Or (holidays again) don't brush it at all for a few days. Sounds like this is a habitual reaction - need something to break the habit.

Positive has good advice.

Unless she wants it cut I wouldn't cut it, tbh.

Just let her brush it, and let her go to schoo/spend the day with it tangled if that is hoew it is.

If brushing her hair is what is causing the issues then I would be inclined to stop brushing her hair.

Thanks everyone - there's some great advice here!

Funnily enough, she is okay about it when she is getting ready for a party! She actually asks to be 'hairdressered' and will let me brush and even blow dry it. Unfortunately I don't have time to give her the full salon treatment every morning

I hate letting her go out with it unbrushed - it's a bit thin and straggly (like mine!) and she doesn't look like a princess - she looks like an urchin - but maybe after a day or so her vanity would get the better of her!

i have had, and still have the same probs with my dd, 6.

we comprimise...proper hairwash with tonnes of conditioner once a week. when her hair is damp, i french braid it or put it into really tight secure bobbles... that will last for about 2 days if i replait the ends in the mornings...no probs with that, no brushing involved! then when it needs redoing, it is still easy to brush....she gets a few more days then with just plaits, bunches, ponytail etc and one day of a really messy ponytail, or loose, ready for the next condition.

a little trim will help with de tangling, but it is an ongoing saga....my dd had her hair cut short...(her choice!) it looked lovely, but still needed brushing and was too short to tie back so needed doing more frequently!

good luck....

My dd was the same and still is to a certain extent (7y/o). We did cut he hair (with her blessing), we cut it from below her waist to shoulder length, she didn't get upset but did decide she wanted to grow it again.

One thing that really did help was getting a Goody "Ouchless" brush (we have a selection of different ones now) - we got ours at Asda but they've stopped doing them, I think Amazon do them but google should bring a few results.

I second the idea of plaiting it at night, I have to do this with my hair as well as dd's or it goes wild by morning.

my dd's hair was like this, i have tried lots of different conditioners and combs and although hairbrushing is not tearfree i seem to have it under control. i only wash her hair once or twice a week, using a herbel essence conditioner whan she lets me, a leave in one if she doesnt, then plait it without brushing while its still wet. if she sleeps on it, the plait seems to make the hair alot easier to brush the next morning. we also have one of them tangle teasers brushes, its bright pink which helps!! it is very good though and she doesnt mind half as much as with an ordinary brush.

but at the beginning of summer i did get about 3 inches cut off the bottom, makes it alot more managable

Google Tamgle Teezer or Tangle Tamer. Both work on my madly frizzy (think sheep with dreadlocks) daughter.

And do get the ends trimmed, as it's those scraggly bits that jam up the whole process. That way you've carried through in a sensible way ('We'll get a bit cut off to make it easier to brush, but if it's still going to make you scream, we'll have to trim it a bit more....')

Don''t cut it off. DD is exactly the same as this and I have reached breaking point. I once even took her to nursery with it like a birds nest and asked her key worker to see if she could do any better as I had had enough of the screaming like I was torturing her and she pulls her head this way and that and it makes it worse as the brush then snags and she thinks I am hurting her.

I have found the following works

Brushing it with conditioner still on, while she is in the bath, and then immediately after rinsing, seems to be easier to brush. The first few times she cried when she saw the brush and now she seems to realise it will hurt less if this happens so more responsive to it.

Brush it morning and night without fail. And carry a brush out and about with me so if it looks a bit messy give it a quick brush to keep it to a minimum. She now lets me give it a quick brush (sometimes)

Use a good quality proper bristle brush, or a plastic one with lots of spikes, not the ones with wide gaps. They rip at the hair/knots and hurt much more, so does a comb. You can always use a comb once it has been detangled.

Give her an apple while it is being brushed so she will keep more still.

She still has days (like this morning) when she screams blue murder as soon as the brush goes near her hair, before it even touches, but we have more days when it is easier.

oh yes, agree with getting a little trimmed of the bottom, an inch or so, just don't cut it all off. DD gets her hair cut by a hair dresser twice a year, and I do it about the same, her hair is just below her shoulders.

Just want to agree with getting a little trimmed off to take away the straggly ends - also carrying a brush around to keep on top of it. It's never a good idea to leave long hair till it's desperately needing done. When at home my girls would have their hair done in the morning, again at lunchtime, and then at bedtime. And don't just leave it straggling around her face - there's lots you can do with long hair - bunches/pigtails/ponytails, and my girls' favourite - what we called a ponytail-tumbly, where the top part of their hair was put in a bobble and the rest left to tumble down their backs. All this helps to keep it from getting tangled too much during the day.

Don't forget the power of fancy, glittery little hair things - bobbles, clasps, etc, all very cheap from supermarkets, Claire's, etc.

with my DD (also 4)- she has got very thick, curly but fine hair which is getting quite long- i have filled a spray bottle with water mixed with conditioner and i spritz her hair with it to get the tangles to loosen easily. there should be no need to cut her hair. also try giving her the brush to play with as some of the behaviour may be fear of the brush if it has pulled her hair before!

i also bought my DD one of the kids hair model head things from toys r us and she sits doing the dolls hair while i do hers now too

HTH

Regular trims will help reduces 'knots' and pulling.

But I am a mean mummy and if it was making me so miserable - I would cut it a bit shorter. Tbh it sounds like a way of behaving that she has got into, not that you are torturing hurting her so I wouldn't put up with it.

As I said, mean mummy!