Help. My dd 4.2 dd is ruling the roost ..

[MCDL]

We are exhausted. What is this all about. Everything is no. Wont brush teeth. Will only wear certain things. Leggings have to be certain length, certain colour. etc If I eat something healty can I have a treat. All day dd making deals with us .... Constant around the clock entertainment. Relentless in looking for attention ....

She is a very happy child, spends a lot of time with me (I am parttime) with my partner, with my partner and i. Going to fun places, eathing out etc. She is creche going as we both work. Starting school in september. Am thinking she is bored and needing this move to the next step. Perhaps though we doing something wrong.. Any advise ?

She's realised how deal-making works, maybe you do it with her (I know I do!) so she's seeing how much power she has. It's reasonable of her to experiment but you just have to keep the boundaries firm enough that it's not making your life a huge hassle.

For example with the leggings - if she makes demands that are beyond a reasonable request, say no. Say these are the choices, these leggings, these leggings, or nothing. If she says nothing, say fine, have you got your knickers on, let's go. (Pack leggings in bag so she can change her mind) Then change the subject and act all breezy and like it's not your problem if she doesn't want to wear leggings. With the food - my DS does this - I allow treats on occasion, other times I just say "no, you have had a treat today, it's the cracker or nothing".

Yes, many times he's kicked off but if you just stick it out and make it clear that no amount of tantrumming/stropping will get results, and try to ignore it, they do get the message eventually. I find that the more confidently and firmly I say "No." the more likely he is to just accept it.

Sometimes I end up saying childish things like "It's my house, it's my money and I get to decide, so there" - but you know what, that is the truth and they might as well get used to it. Sometimes if DS has demanded something and I've said no, we talk about what he will buy for himself when he's a grown-up and has his own money, and that's a good distraction.

She sounds like a normal 4 year old to me. You're not doing anything wrong. Decide where your limits are, be consistent, don't negotiate (unless you want to, but remember that if you negotiate once every time will be a debate...) and ride it out.
When she goes to school she will grow out of this.

Thank u for your advice, yes you are so right, the deal making has come from us. I have started to be firm in a controlled and confident way. DP a little later but has receently started also, so we are both on the same page, so hopefully we will see some results soon ...

I think you've made the right decision. School comes as a terrible shock to children who think everything is negotiable

Gave a choice this morning of two of everything dd has not wanted to wear. Leggings, top, short sleeved t shirt, nicks and shoes. She did not know what to do with herself but made no fuss. Made the choice eventually, gone off to creche with her Daddy happy, defeated a little but not showing it or saying.

Good for you . It is all about regaining the balance of power - and just be consistent. She's testing the boundaries, and it's up to you to make it clear where the boundaries are.