16 month old, newborn and naughty behaviour!

[JellyBabyLady]

DD1 is 16months and we have a 1 month old DD2, whist DD1 seems so excited to have a baby sister and proudly shows her off to everyone, pointing and saying 'baby' and her name she has also started to be very naughty and I don't know what to do about it.

The baby is in a bit of a routine, well not really a routine but a pattern of eating and sleeping so DD1 actually gets a lot of time with me one-on-one so is not starved of attention but is still really acting up.

She will hit the tv (something she knows she isn't allowed to touch), turn it on and off at the button, hit me etc all sorts. Before a stern 'no' and a look and a 'don't hit the tv' would have been enough. Now she seems to delight in being naughty and grins when she knows she is doing something she shouldn't.

DH had a month off work with us at home when DD2 was born and he has mostly looked after DD1 whilst I established breastfeeding with DD2, stuck on the sofa like a feeding milk machine.

I wonder if she is angry with me,or just doesn't like me anymore after so much time spent with DH, whom she really adores (even more so now...)

What should I do? Has my relationship with her been ruined??

Definitely not ruined!! She will forget all about it v soon. Have just posted on another v similar thread. it's completely normal when a newborn arrives and although it's incredibly hard work in the early days it does get easier (my DD2 is almost 5 months now and I've seen a huge improvement in DD1's behaviour but the first few months were hard). It just takes time for them to adjust and it's really hard to be patient with them but it will get better once she gets used to the new little one. Try not to let it get you down too much.

Thanks, I feel awful about it, really rejected.

Not sure how to deal with the bad behaviour either. Ignore it?? tell her off?? naughty spot?? No idea.

Nothing has been ruined. She is just craving attention. Try really hard to notice everything good that she does. Really every little tiny thing and heap praise on her for it.

Tell everybody who coos over the baby what a good little girl DD1 is and how you are so proud of her (don't link it to the baby particularly).

Be careful to finish what you're doing with her before attending to the baby, even if the baby is crying for a couple of minutes.

It is easier said than done but it should help reduce the attention seeking by unwanted behaviour.

Al1son- Thanks for your suggestions I'll remember them.

What really worries me is that this morning the baby went down for a 2 hour nap and I made a special effort to give her my complete attention, no washing up no laundry (no shower even!) and she was still awful.

It's also important to remember that all of what you've described is normal behaviour for a 16 month old with or without the baby sibling!

DS2 does all of what you've described, and more, and he's the youngest.

It's an age where they are just starting to understand that boundaries can be tested - and they do!

Please try not to worry - this is completely normal - praise lots, be consistent with boundaries, and enjoy both your babies. Soon they will be giggling together and interacting and having so much fun.

Youngvisitor - what should I be doing when she is naughty? what should be the consequence?

I think it's quite hard to discipline a 16 month old. I know I tried a bit with DD1 but looking back I think it was all a bit pointless. It's too young for the naughty step and I think probably distraction works best.

Having said that, one friend kept a travel cot up in the living room and when her DS at that age was doing something really naughty she put him in it. A) it meant she could attend to the baby and make sure he wasn't doing anything dangerous B) it was a safe but not particularly fun place for him to be and he wasn't getting attention so helped to get across the message about bad behaviour not being rewarded. But like I say, I just don't know how much goes in at that stage! Very best of luck anyway.

At this age I think ignore, distract, remove is still the best policy. Punishment doesn't really work in my view.

"Ignore" is a really important part of this - much of her behaviour will be because she's learned that certain behaviour (like touching the TV) will get an instant response from you. So it becomes a game. Make mummy look. Now make mummy frown. Now make mummy shout and jump up and down - oo exciting! A really fun reaction!

Re your comment: "Before a stern 'no' and a look and a 'don't hit the tv' would have been enough."
I'm afraid that this stage wears off pretty quickly with most children, and pretty much around this age!

So she was going to turn into a rascal anyway, its just coincided with the new baby maybe.

well possibly yes - I mean I'm sure there's a connection in that your attention has become a bit more stretched, so therefore it's more of a game to attract it.

But seriously, testing the boundaries is completely normal at this age.

Only this morning DS2 (18 months and no younger sibling) was shouting for me from the top of the stairs and I was too busy to attend straight away, so he got all the books off my bookshelf and started flinging them one by one down the stairs shouting "now - now - now" one by one!