8 years old - plese help!

[JustMe45]

I really need some help or suggestions with my 8 years old son. He is a very bright boy, but he also got another side to him. He is doing well with maths and reading at school, but his writing is awful (I mention it because I think it is relevant to the topic). He has some very strange behaviour traits. For example, he always carries something small in his hand, like a piece of paper, a stone, a button, etc. He is stealing and lying, but is mortified when found out. He also very forgetful - comes home without lunchbox, sweater, etc etc. Lately he started destroying toys, dvds, everything in his room. He always very apologetic, says sorry like he really means it, then does it again. He would lie about brushing his teeth, eating lunch at school, small things like that. He had stolen a sweet at the shop, some lego men from his friends. Not a biggie, but still upsetting. I tried everything, punishments, long talks, nothing helps. I start to suspect some mental problems, but not sure what could it be? Please let me know if you got any ideas, I find it very hard to deal with this situation, his teachers are not really helping or interested...

not sure what to suggest but

Interesting. You could almost be describing my nearly 8-year DD. I have to admit I thought all of these things - forgetfulness, lying about brushing teeth, nicking her mate's lip balm were 'normal'.

Her head is in the clouds most of the time and she forgets her book bag EVERY day. The other stuff I'd put down to boundary testing and it's passing.

I'll be watching this with interest but my initial thought is that your ds is much like other 8 year olds.

other than the destroying toys and messy handwriting sounds like my 8 DD I have put it down to another stage that she will grow out of, straight into a different one no doubt.

Have another word with school if your really really concerned and say how much it is worrying you and have they any advice.

Ia he depressed, friend ship issues, is he doing it at school? Any changes at home?

I would ask him if he's getting any trouble from other children at school. Bullying is not always spotted by teachers and it can affect different children in different ways. Things like lying, petty theft, being destructive and needing to carry around small trophies could indicate insecurity or being upset.... or a need to fit in with a particular crowd. (Don't replace destroyed items, of course.)

You could always volunteer to help out at school for a morning. See what goes on, who he goes around with, what the atmosphere is like.

The forgetfulness is probably best dealt with by you making sure he is well-organised. A simple timetable on the kitchen wall showing the days of the week, 'things to take to school', the homework schedule. And handwriting can be practised, of course.

Thank you for your replies! He was always a bit different, he used to be very mature for his age, but then his peers caught up and now I think he is the one lacking certain maturity. I got a baby, so cannot volunteer at school during the day. I also don?t think that the baby affected his behaviour. He never got on well with other kids, he is very sensitive and does not accept any form of criticism, starts crying or hiding in his room. He used to hold objects since he was a toddler. I remember him holding a wooden spoon for a week or so, even in the bath, in bed, when I changed his clothes, etc. I think it is sort of a security blanket for him? I find it very hard dealing with his behaviour, feeling like I failed as a parent.

A baby around the place can be annoying for 8 year-olds. You can't play with a baby and they take up a lot of the adults' time. So you might end up being naughty just to get noticed.

How about you enrol your son in something like a local cub-scout group? Aged 8 he'd qualify and it would be a good place for him to make friends with other kids in a structured/supervised environment. I'm a cub leader myself and I've seen all kinds of kids really come out of their shells, get a sense of acheivement, become more organised, toughen up, boost their confidence and enjoy themselves at the same time.

Thank you Chil, that's an excellent idea!