what should I tell ds to say?

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What would you suggest I get ds to say to friends dc who keeps threatening to break his toys, or telling him they'll take his toy home (just to wind him up), and just tipping out toys without playing with them and telling him they'll do what they like. (ok this isn't all the time but can be frequent in 1 visit as a reaction to being told no to something)

I do say play with what you want but please pack it away when you've finished and then you can have something else out.

Told him earlier (in front of dc's mum) to say 'grow up your 5' then walk away.

in hindsight.

i would just tell him to ignore it and play with someone else.

yes that was my thought now, but he gets so upset - about the only thing he ever cries about - any suggestions about how to get him to ignore it - or shall I just keep saying no she won't ignore her???

don't play with them any more if he's getting that upset, not really worth it is it?
or ask the mum to talk to the child?

he actually asks to play with her as it's not all the time like this. In actual fact up til then all 3 dcs had been having a great time. I think just saying ignore her or perhaps getting a game out to play with ds would be best for now - perhaps he'll have enough of the friendship soon ??

I guess its hard me to know what to do as me and ds both very passive people and i'd have just walked away as a child, and my mum would've said something to the child as she's way more confident than me.

In these situations you have to 'parent' the visiting child. There's a time for children standing up to little bullies and there's a time when you have to deal with the nasty little brat yourself. Take a leaf out of your mother's book. 'Please pack it away etc.,' is far too generous. 'If you carry on being naughty you're going straight home'...delivered in very stern tones... might get through.

I have had the same problem with my friend dd, she was a nightmare, each visit something, always a cherrished something was broken or hidden, i spoke to my friend pre visit and explained that i felt my ds was being bullied, i have to say she took exception and didn't see her for a while, all is bk to normal now but the dc in question is not allowed to play upstairs at my house nor they at hers, so i can keep my eye on what is happening, mine are no angels but there was no way i was standing for it

think problem is that while ds is no angel pretty bossy and loud he isn't mean or distructive. Its my cloesest friends dc (she actually has 2) and we are both so different with parenting that I do sometimes feel mean or as if i'm overreacting for wxpecting no to mean no!!

My DS (3) always says "No - I don't like you doing that" and turns away from the offender. I would tell your son to ignore as well and leave her to it.

If a kid in my house purposefully breaks things I will tell them off if the parent does

Regarding tidying up - in my experience playdates always end in a mess regardless of the behaviour of the kids!!

mess I don't mind and I tidy it up rather than expect my ds too if its from a playdate. But it's things like a puzzle being tipped out for the sake of it and then being walked all over box too and when ds asks friend to tidy point blank told why should I. Always says I can do what I like your not the boss but amazingly at ds friends house he can't touch anything if its new or they don't want him too etc in case he breaks it!!!!! Purely behaviour imo.

The problem I have is how to get him to say calmly and nicely no, and walk away as he genuinly gets upset and believes it and starts to shout etc. I know some will say don't see your friend and dc's but tbh he'll get this everywhere as always dc's like this around and I want him to learn to deal with it.

I would be tempted to put away the flash point toys - like the jigsaws - or anything else she makes a mess with

if she asks for one explain that she can pick one and only if she tidies it up afterwards

I always put away certain toys before playdates because i know they will cause squabbles!

Have you tried to explain to him that she is doing it to get the reaction - it's rather like sibling behaviour!

When I have children in my house who are being unpleasant, I go upstairs (these things always happen upstairs), take the offending child by the hand without saying anything, put something boring on the tv and sit them on the sofa. Then I tell them to sit there and chill out until they feel like they can be nice to people again.

Hmmm

I have rules.

"the rule in this house is that everyone is allowed to join in the games"

"the rule in this house is that everyone helps tidy up"

"the rule in this house is that we look after the toys"

etc

Would that help?

colditz I've tried doing something similar but they cry and their mum hugs them.

Yes told ds she's doing it for reaction but he just doesn't get it. I do think its 50/50. Girl does it as ds get really upset and she gets away with it, ds just can't seem to get it that he should get a toy (really good one!) come to me and have fun so she realises playing nicely gets better attention!!!

think what shocks me is that I told ds to say grow up etc and as he ran away I called not now next time as its over and he said nothing but the girls sister said it!! She got a time out and was screaming about it being unfair as sister had said about breaking toys. Whilst I think she was wrong to say it unnescessarily whilst girl is still heartbroken younger sister is leaning on her mums lap while mum gazing at her lovingly and stroking her hair.

I know that sounds judgy but I do think thats why she does it ds get distraught and there no consequence for her.

BTW this doesn't happen all the time just when it blows up it explodes and I appreciate kids argue all the time as its part of growing and learning social skills/acceptence.

Really what I need is advice on what I can do that won't get said child comforted as if they've been hard done by.

I do put certain toys away and think maybe with school hols coming up I need to rethink what goes on what shelves and where!!!

Meet up at the park for a few months, that always helps!

yes I have begun suggesting we meet at beach park etc!! It so difficult as this is my best friend and we talk most nights on the phone about shit! im single parent/ her dh works late).

I do feel for her as it is easier for her not to disipline her dcs are they are extremly vocal and honest about what they think when she does so not really anyway she can win. Whats a shame is that they are such lovely children just very aware of what they can get away with

I was going to suggest that too CarGirl. Meet up at the park and limit it to an hour.

Ok.

Consequence for the mother then.

"oh dear, ds doesn't take to that level of teasing very well, perhaps you should take her home."

Loosely translated as "Muzzle it or fuck off"

good one Colditz!

oh colditz I think maybe that would be a good idea.