4 mo screams ^every^ time i put him down - what can i do?

[mylittlemonkey]

I am getting to the end of my tether. My DS will not let me put him down all day long whether this be on his play mat, bouncer, swing, car seat and now even buggy!! I have to constantly carry him which is getting more and more difficult as he is now 16 lbs and gets so heavy. I have tried distracting him with toys and other things when i put him down but it does not really work for more than a few mins. The only thing that stops him crying is me picking him up. It is getting so tiring and i am starting to feel annoyed towards him by the end of the day which then makes me feel really guilty as all he wants to do is be with his mum.

He does go down to sleep at night but only if he has fallen asleep first and i have to feed him to sleep to get him to go down both at night time and day naps.

Is there anything i can do to stop him being so clingy or is this just a phase i have to wait out and when will it end?

Ime it's a phase, and will get better when he can sit up for himself/is starting to crawl around.

I could never put ds1 down at all for the first 6 months (but he had reflux so lying down hurt) and now ds2 is 3mo and is yet to spend more than about 15' off someone.

But it does pass, and it's such a short time in the bigger scheme. By riding it out you ensure his needs are met and he won't be clingy in the long term. Btw ds1 is now 3yo and incredibly independent.

Do you have a sling?

I'd second a sling. Also can you get someone else to look after him, even for an hour?

Also how much sleep is he getting? My DS gets very clingy if he's overtired, hungry or teething. He's a lot happier if he's rested.

Yes, i have a sling which i do use but as he is getting so heavy it really weighs on my back and again he will only go in it for 10 - 20 mins now.

He does get plenty of sleep at night and in the day although the past few nights he has started to wake up a few times in the night for feeds. He has been more clingy recently and maybe that is beacuse of this. He is also showing signs of teething which is probably making it worse.

Unfortunately, I have no friends or family nearby that are able to give me a break but have wonderful DH that takes him for a bit when he gets home from work.

Someone did mention trying controlled crying with his play mat but i am not sure he is old enough and just find it difficult leaving him to scream .

No controlled crying is not really for young babies. I think they're usually clingy for a reason and it is a phase. It will pass.

It could also be developmental as well - where they go through a mental leap and it scares them so they need reassurance. Best thing to do is get out - can you go to playgroups, local children and family centre or something just to distract him?

Could someone who knows about slings advise you? Because I have heard, if you have the right sling, that even much older babies can be carried comfortably. Maybe you could start a thread on here?

Yes you should be able to get a decent sling.

Also a couple of survival tips - when he naps, sit down and have a cup of tea or something self indulgent. Forget chores. That way you feel less resentful! Also can you play peekaboo or games like that? It gets used the baby used to the idea you'll be coming back. I used to wave and tell DS I'd be back soon even though not sure he understood!! Now when he's clingy I put him in the cot and he cries (eg when I need the loo) but somehow that reassurance makes me feel less guilty.

Thanks Fanjo, might be a good idea to look into getting a better sling. I have the Close Baby Carrier which when i did look into buying a sling, it was supposed to be a good one. I have to say i dont really find it very confortable to use which is probably why i dont use it as much as i should.

Iggly - your are right about making time for myself when DS naps in the day. Spent all his naps today desperately trying to get the ironing done and as nap was not very long still did not get it done. Will make a cuppa and have a break next time.

I do go to groups and DS is a bit better then so will try and find some more to go to.

It does feel better knowing i am not the only one going slowly insane with their head in their hands!

I am now utterly converted to mei tais - and you should start to be able to carry your ds on your back soon, which is a huge step in terms of liberating you to do other stuff.

mylittle have you tried a mei tai? I was still hoicking DD around in mine until she was over 2 *disclaimer this did totally bugger my knees...
When he's a little bigger (5-6 mos maybe), you'd be able to put him on your back in a mei tai, which is way more comfortable than a front carry, and has the advantage that you can do dull yet dangerous stuff like ironing whilst carrying your baby because they're behind you and can't get at anything.
You could look on slingmeet, by the way. If you could get to one of the meetups on there, you might be able to try out other people's slings to see what suits, as the 'right' sling is often a very personal thing.

x-posted with ib. Must learn to stop rewriting my posts so much!

Get a sling- An ergo is very good, you can quite comfortably carry a toddler around with you all day with one, and he can go on your back.

It's a phase I think, and a tiring one for you.
IME it didn't last that long, but long enough for me to break down in tears every day.

I used a sling with DD1 and she grew to rely on being near me constantly. She is now a hugely affectionate, loving and tactile 3 year old.
I didn't use one with DD2 and she is more independent and less "huggy" with me.
I will always wonder if it's due to different personalities or the closeness of constant carrying.

It won't last long

Forget the chores and do the bare,bare minimum (I know that's difficult with no help).
Looking back, you'll always remember this period but would you really remember or care that the house was a mess/washing up not done?

Just a phase, very common. For me it lasted til ds could crawl, but don't panic they mostly grow out of it much sooner. My ds was just particularly grim and grumpy in general. Also don't worry about feeding him to sleep, I did it every single night til ds was about 18 months old. Still slep through and eventually learned to settle himself with no fuss or intervention from me at all.

It's terribly hard and you feel so trapped but it does get a lot easier.

Get a decent sling - I had a Wilkinet which was ace - you can sling your wingey baby on your back (or front, or hip) and then get on with whatever you were doing .... as long as it wasn't cartwheels!!!

I used to go up the allotment, put DS in the sling on my back and wheel barrows full of compost up to my plot. DS would watch for a bit and then sleep on my back - so cute. Made me feel like a Indian Squaw (hope that isn't a politically incorrect thing to say....!)

If you're happy that he's fed, clean and thoroughly winded I'd put him down somewhere safe (buggy/bouncy chair/etc) where he can see you and then let him cry until he settles. Really, if you don't want to be saddled with a baby round your back/front in a sling then don't feel obliged to. 16lbs is a huge weight to cope with.

I agree with getting a sling but ensure it is a baby wearing type like

Diddimos
Mei tei
Hugabub
Maya
Ellaroo

also sit on the floor with him when you put him down so he doesnt feel like every time you put him down mummy dispears

Thanks for all kind advice and suggestions. Going to check out slings and try and get one more suited for carrying heavier baby/toddler. Also have been trying to get out and about as much as possible even resorting to just driving aimlessly round in car for a break from constantly holding him.

Am also looking into getting a high chair (he can sit up ok in it with support from the chair)hoping he might sit in that for a while with a few toys. Friend said it worked for her. Fingers crossed!