Bedtime routines - help!

[nlteach]

At the moment I am feeling a bit of a failure for not getting my 3 month old baby into a bedtime routine.I understand the idea of sleep cues and routine etc but I am finding it hard to get my head around how to get him to go to sleep at roughly the same time every day. The time he gets sleepy depends on how he has napped in the day.

So basically I'm looking for some expert advice about how you did it.

Did you feed your DC then put him to bed or feed them, wait til they were tired then put them to bed?

What age did you start your routine - have I left it too late?

What happens if they just aren't tired?

I just feel like I'm going round in circles with it and it's getting me down. Everyone else seems to have cracked it but me!

Looking forward to some advice.

I am no expert but it is too early for routines. I wait till my DD (5 months) is tired to fall asleep then she settle herself within 5 minutes otherwise she will fight get bored...
But she is very easy to read. It was much more difficult with DD1. She would cry herself to sleep till about 1 yo, and get easily overtired.
If he is just not tired and happy and you can deal with him just let him up.
(I am sure other people hasn't craked it either, you are not alone) All babies are different (like people) some are early to bed and some are late. Don't follow books'routine they make you feel terrible if you fail. And they usually works because the child natural routine was close to the advice.
Unless YOU need the routine because it makes you more in control, wait for your baby's cues.
Also DD2 used to go around 21hh 22h around 3 months she is now closer to 19h30 20h30. It will change soon again I expect.
good luck

Think your DC is young, but you could make a start.

I fed DD on demand and just kept her with me in a sling when she was very little - she didn't want to be on her own.

But about 2.5 months she started to be happy to nap in the moses basket, so I would put her down in there once she fell asleep on me.

In the evenings at about 3 months I started doing bath, then BF, then nightclothes and sleeping bag, and then putting her in her moses basket with her dummy at our feet in the sitting room (while we watched TV). She would have screamed if we had left her awake alone in our room!

Gradually she got used to that and then when the time seemed right (probably 5 months) carried on with bath, nightclothes, BF but put her down in the moses basket in her cot. After a few weeks of that, we ditched the basket and she went straight in the cot.

We did it round about the same time so at 6 months she did have a sort of routine - she would be asleep by about 8pm and then wake for a night time feed when we went to bed (her cot was right next to our bed as she was still feeding at night).

It's baby steps really and your DC is still very small, although you can start the basics of a routine. DD is 13 months now and its only really in the last 6 weeks that we do our bath, jamas, story, milk thing and then I put her down awake in her cot and say goodnight darling and close the door with her still awake and babbling to herself but not screaming/upset. She usually sleeps through (but not always, grr!)

Dont think you need to worry about leaving it too late - everyone thinks there is some magic window and if you don't act within it your DC is going to be horrendous at bedtime for evermore. Easy to say with hindsight but it isn't like that. Obv you need to make bedtimes calm and relaxed and model some sort of routine so that your baby can start to get used to it - and obvioulsy if you are always totally chaotic that would not be conducive to good sleeping habits. But I think provided you give them the basic framework, they'll do it when they are ready! (Like every other aspect of development, as I have discovered!)

Just to clarify, when we put her in her moses basket at our feet in the evenings in the sitting room, she would be awake at first, but not (usually) upset as she could see us. She would slowly calm down, suck her dummy, and gradually drop off. I think it was good as it helped her get used to calming down and dropping off in the basket on her own.

Thanks for your reassuring words. I guess I do want him to go to bed a bit earlier for selfish reasons really - I'd like to be able to watch a film all the way through with DH for example! Think I'll just try and relax a bit and not over-analyse everything so much. Oh, and I'll chuck out those flipping books!

I did an almost identical thing to Bumpsadaisie, but again, think it is quite early...dd was more like 5m at the time. I observed for a few weeks beforehand to see when she seemed to get tired (6.30 ish) and went from there....

OP, mine is coming up to four months and we are nowhere near a routine yet. He fell into the habit of sleeping through the night by himself, so I'm hoping a routine will emerge naturally (I may be insane ...) Not sure how people get to the bath/feed/story/bed pattern since mine seems to be skilled in foiling those kind of schemes (right now he is fast asleep in his bouncy chair, where he has been for two hours, when he should have been bathed if not fed by now. Yesterday at about this time he was wide awake and partying).

Good luck and let us know if something works!

All this makes me feel so much better! Last night he didn't properly go to sleep until 10, the night before was quarter to 9 and the night before that 7.30! He likes to keep me on my toes I guess! I think it all depends on how much he's napped and fed in the day. Thanks again everyone!

My ds now 2.9 years old was in a routine very quickly. I know lots of people don't attempt a routine early on but I feel that it saved my sanity and my ds seemed happier and more content because of it. By three months I think he would be bathed, fed and put to bed sleepy by 8pm, then my dh would wake him at 11pm for his last feed, he would then go thru the night. We gradually moved the last feed earlier so by 6 months he was in bed asleep by 7pm. He was also in a routine during the day very quickly, sleepwise and this really did work for us. He's always been a very content baby and child and we've always believed that this is due to his routine.
It's down the individual persons choice but I would always go for a routine however loose. I'm 8 weeks pregnant with no2 and will definitely be following a routine early again.

Hi Bensmum76, your routine is what I've been trying to do. I'm a bit of a control freak and would love to be able to know when DS would be in bed each night! Problem is we do the bath and feed but then he just won't go to sleep. Tried everything to get him off but nothing works! Any tips?

When is his last nap during the day? By three months my ds was napping 2 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon but we'd cut out his late afternoon nap so by bedtime he was usually tired enough to go to sleep. I'm sure there were times this didn't happen but ive just blocked them from my memory!
It'll probably take a while to get it sorted but if you stick to it, it'll soon fall into place xx

My DD is 3 months in a few days. We started a routine for bed fairly early on, but it wasn't based around the time of night, it was based around the 'sleep cues' and now she seems to be going to bed at roughly the same time every night, although the night feeds and naps during the day are still quite variable (but she is/was quite a small baby so will probably continue night feeds for a while...)

Basically, we started to do the following every night, whatever time she was ready for bed, which coincided with the last 'day' feed:

1. Lullabies CD on 2)Daddy change nappy and put on PJs
2. Mummy nurses until sleepy/asleep
3. Baby into moses basket/cot with dummy and comforter (latter added fairly recently)

You could start this with her staying in the lounge or wherever and then transfer slowly to the bedroom, and then perhaps start bringing it forward so the last feed (if you do that) is timed to bedtime rather than bedtime timed to the last feed.

I know a lot of experts say my routine will make her associate sleep with the feed, but heh, I like it and works for us. Plus, we're starting to introduce bathing and storytime when she isn't too tired and needing to go straight to bed. Can't do baths every night anyway, as it dries her skin right out.

I will say that she does sometimes fight going to sleep but generally has always slept quite well, so I could just be extremely lucky. Ultimately, change it if you want to, but do what suits you and your little one!!!

This sounds like the pattern we used when DS was little chunkychicken. It's only been since I've tried to get him to sleep earlier that i've been struggling! A sign he's not ready for that maybe! Just ordered some blackout blinds because the room we sleep in is ridiculously light! I'll let you know if that was money well spent! x