Breastfedding to sleep/during night is it wrong?!

[minidriver74]

Hi,

I'm a confused mum of a 8 and a half month old baby. Went to see my health visitor yesterday and she strongly recommended i stop breastfeeding my baby to sleep and stop giving feeds during the night.
It just I forgot to ask WHY?
Tryed the controlled crying tonight and it caused so much truama for my little one it took 1.5hrs to get her down.
Previously a quick feed and she would be drowsy if not asleep and bedtime took 5 mins.
I have discussed the night feeds with my husband a couple of months ago and we both agreed we love having baba in our bed when she wakes about 4 a.m. and I BF lying down so its easier than if i feed her in the feeding chair then put her back down.
Am I making a rod for my own back? Or should i go with my gut feeling and maintain my happy little routine? Thanks in advance x

Just out of idle curiosity... those that are co-sleeping and feeding babies over 6 months in the middle of the night etc., are you SAHMs or do you have jobs? Would it be true to say that there is more motivation to get a baby to sleep through if you're working and have to get up at a particular time?

I work three days a week, have done from 14 months. My husband works 2 night shifts and looks after her when I'm at work.

Because of my job (we're both in news) I sometimes have 6am starts. I have found that quite hard when she's woken at say 4am and I just can't get back to sleep.

I think it depends on the person and situation and personal preference, beliefs and what your partner can do to support you. I think your belief if you feel you cannot do CC would probably outweigh circumstances.

Tiredness is tiredness whether you work out of the home, work from the home or your work is your kids.

At the margin, if I'd had a really bad night, I reckon being at work, even high-stress deadline driven news where mistakes really matter, than dealing with a toddler who needed slinging and walking for her daily nap and plenty of jolly play and activity.

Even though she now wakes 1-2 times (night weaning finally more of a success but it took time and she wakes and cries which in the short term is worse than waking and feeding) I don't feel that tired. My issue is the length of time I was spending getting her to sleep and the kneading and twiddling of my nipples as she fed for what seems HOURS. Drives me insane.

"Tiredness is tiredness whether you work out of the home, work from the home or your work is your kids."

Agreed... but if you're home and you've all had a bad night at least you can take things more slowly for the day, napping when your child naps rather than having to be fully sharp and alert for a job.

As a single mum with a ft job I found it very, very difficult to keep it all together if my child was up in the night too often. Luckily he could go without night feeds from about 12 weeks. There were broken nights for other reasons but, these being more sporadic, we coped. My feeling is that, talking to other working mums, 'sleeping through' is something we really focus on as crucial whereas mums who are home-based have the luxury of being more flexible.

Well, if you're a single mother, it's undeniably tough, because you presumably (and it's a big 'presumably') you get no respite.

I haven't walked in your shoes for one day, let alone a week, so I wouldn't dream of judging you for nugding your child to self settle.

That said, I don't find being at home with a toddler easier. I tend to go out for the day and walk her for her 1-2 hour nap in a sling (yes, at 20 months) between activities. Then when we are home

I also find I can be more testy if I've had a really bad night and it's hard to keep up the steady chatter and gusto and enthusiasm to which she's become accustomed.

I'm lucky (and unlucky) that I've always survived well on little sleep and prior to having a baby probably got by on 5-7 hours and in my job I've always had very early starts and late night schmoozing. My husband is used to doing round-the-clock newsroom shifts.

I know SAHMs who have CCed, working mothers who co-sleep. I think confirmation bias is strong in this emotive area and you'll see examples that back up your view and gloss over those which don't. I just don't think you can generalise.

I find it much harder to be at home all day with a toddler after broken sleep than I do being at work (I get breaks at work!)

I have been (at different points) a full-time teacher and a full-time medical student on four hours broken sleep per night.
To be honest I think your body adjusts after a few months and people are amazed of what they can do on little sleep once they lose the obsession with sleeping through...

What is the obsession with self-settling anyway? We went to India when ds was 6 months old and everyone was co-sleeping there, so we did too, and have ever since, can't see what the big deal is really. I think the rod for your back idea is just a way to make you suffer now! I have gone by the mantra that anything you really have to fight the child for (e.g. by using CC) they are not ready for, and that if you wait it will happen without a fight. So far this has worked for giving up a dummy, sleeping outside the sling, going to sleep in the evenings, sleeping without feeding to sleep, spending time with other people...I'm waiting for him to decide he doesn't want to co-sleep though that might be a while.
I think the self-settling cult is a hangover from the 1950s routine based approach, mostly advocated by men and non-parents...

"I think the self-settling cult is a hangover from the 1950s routine based approach, mostly advocated by men and non-parents... "

And people who need plenty of sleep, surely? Whilst I admire people like clementattlee who can exist on 4 hours of broken sleep, I can't. My driving becomes erratic, I am short-tempered, find it difficult to concentrate etc. I'm interested in this conversation because I've met several new-ish mothers over the last few weeks, all of whom work and all of whom - like me - place a huge premium on their baby sleeping through the night, being in their own room and so forth. None of them have had to 'fight' their babies to sleep, btw.