What do you allow your older child to do with the baby?

[Butterpie]

DD1 is 3.3yo, DD2 is 8mo. DD1 is constantly trying to sit DD2 up, roll her over, cuddle her, pat her head, give her toys, feed her, etc. She can be quite rough, but then again I do want the children to have their own relationship without me hovering.

Where do you draw the line between affectionate playing and being too rough?

i think you have to hover, as even affectionate playing can turn into something too rough without any bad intent on part of toddler.

my ds1 is 9 and i leave him alone with the baby quite happily, but ds2 is 2 and if i leave him and dd (6 months) in the lounge together, i will pop in and out every couple of mins to make sure he hasn't decided to pick her up and put her in her swing, or experiment with burying her under sofa cushions etc.

I am a natural worrier and cotton wool wrapper, so I deliberately try to hold back on this, or else DS1 (nearly 3) would never be allowed near DS2 (18 weeks)

I encourage him to play gently and show him and as long as DS2 isn't crying / being hurt, I let DS1 play away with him. I do stop him doing things in close proximity, like spinning around at high speeds or jumping too close to him.

as long as ds2 doesnt cry or look upset they can do what they like. ds1 is just turned 2 and ds2 is 7 months, they roll around on floor/bed/mat together, lie on top of each other etc, ds1 bounce him quite fast in his bouncer but if he is laughing & enjoying then i leave them to it. i have allowed him to play with the baby since quite young, luckily ds2 is quite big for his age & robust so he can take it & easy going so doesnt mind it but if i see hes not in the mood would warn toddler about not doing it. he doesnt try to pick him up or anything though

Hi I am watching this with interest. I have a DS age 4 and a DS age 14 weeks. I let him have a cuddle on the sofa if hes sitting next to me or play with him on the floor/rug when im in the room, but I dont like to leave them alone together - just in case!
DS1 knows he is not to pick him up even if he cries. I went to the downstairs loo quickly when DS2 was a few weeks old & when I came back DS1 had his head through the handle of the moses basket talking to him! I was horrified he could have pulled the whole thing over! If I need to do anything e.g get the washing in off the line I take DS1 with me, and leave DS1 in his swing/bed for few mins. Any other tips appreciated!

We have the same problem too- I have to be so careful not to tell her off too much for smothering her little sister.
But I allow quite a lot as long as there are no major accidents ( she did drop her a few times auch)

There are 2.5yrs between my two. When DD was v small I didn't really leave them alone much and at 8 months I think I was still hovering. I tried not just to make comments about what DS shouldn't be doing, but also pick up on positive things (where poss!) So instead of 'don't pull her hair', things like 'she really likes it when you shake that rattle' etc

DS is nearly 4 and DD is 18 months now and it is much easier. They love to rough and tumble and play chase. I only step in if someone is really howling now and can leave them to it a bit more. In fact sometimes DD is the agressor now and I have to make sure that I'm fair with 'telling her off' too.

same age gap as firawla and big DS2 (3.5 months) too
though DS1 (20 months) does try to pick up DS2 so sometimes, i sit DS1 on the sofa and put DS2 between his legs. when DS2 wasnt holding his head i would hold it, now i just stay right next to them, make DS1 cuddle DS2 for 30 sec minutes and then it's over and DS1 is over the moon while DS2 tries to understand what just happened!

I've just got the one (now 16w) but he has a 3yo cousin who is very, very keen. I wouldn't leave them alone together because she just doesn't yet understand her own strength and the baby's limitations.

After she whacked patted him on the head a few times I tried saying: "M, he's only a little baby, so you have to be very gentle, like you would if you were touching a butterfly."

"Oh-kay, I will, Aunty Missedith!"

(moments later) whack whack whack

Then she had to have him on her lap so we put cushions all around and I left her to it and popped back a couple of times when he cried to have a quick cuddle and give him back to her ... turned my back and heard some muffled sounds ... my beautiful niece was covering the baby's mouth with her hand so he wouldn't cry so she could have him on her lap for longer. Altho to be fair to her, she was smothering him gently, as one might smother a butterfly

been through loads of this! especially with a child who has additional educational and medical needs and with challenging behaviour let alone just the odd family.

you just have to hover round like a wee bee, make sure you praise your daughter for 'lighter things' like bringing toys and kisses on the cheek but have time out if she is rough and have a firm word (time out if it is on purpose only) say when they are older the baby will play properly but she is too small for patting on the head and rolling her over, your oldest was the same.. make it relate and have more focus on your eldest when youngest is asleep if you can.

read some books to her about new babies and how small and delicate they are.

my last job the children went on holiday and came back - the baby had bruises and cuts all over.. the eldest wanted grandparents attention (not used to new sister and sharing!) so was pushing baby, pinching etc.
but they didnt have a firm enough hand and he never once did anything when i was there with them.
(mind you i watched like a hawk and made sure he had other things to do, was very firm when it came to bed time (for parents he climbed into baby's cot with her when he was awake - poor thing was squaaaaaaashed! but he did it once with me and ooh, made a fuss but never did with anyone since!)

Think it takes time also, rub it in enough and then by the time they understand the baby will be bobbing around and pushing them over!