Separation anxiety in 5 year old - what to do?

[Simbaline]

My 5 yr old dd has recently become very clingy and upset whenever I leave her at school or her dad picks her up. Last time he collected her she was almost hysterical and it breaks my heart! Her dad and I separated when she was two and he has had her every other weekend since then with few issues - the occasional crying when going which was usually triggered by a change in her routine from holidays or something. It never lasted more than two minutes after she had left and had no other longer term effects (that I could see anyway). Now however the crying lasts much longer and she cries when left at school.
There are a lot of things going on - she's just about to finish reception year and will move to a new teacher and new classmates next year, I'm having a baby due in sept, her dad is getting married on sat and she's going to be a bridesmaid etc etc. Nothing too dramatic but quite a lot at once. I'm fairly sure that is what has triggererd all of this but not sure how to handle it. Do we carry on as usual and just offer lots of love etc or do we reduce visits to her dad to maybe a day rather than a whole weekend until things are more settled? We are in Brighton and he is in London so it is a reasonable amount of travelling for her. Any advice gratefully received - I hate seeing her so upset!

Hi Simbaline

It is difficult to watch your littluns go through tough times. I tend to agree with you that it is all to do with the change in her life. With your new baby arriving soon and her Dad having a new wife soon perhaps she is struggling to see where she will fit into this.

I think all you can do is continue as things are and definitely don't cut time with her dad. It is important for your daughter that she feels a part of the new family forming at his house too. In order for that to happen she needs to spend as much time as is practically possible for you both. As far as your new baby is concerned again, it is about involving her as much as possible in the preparations for the new arrival, as well as maintaining your individual relationship with her.

Hard work but we've done it with 3 of our children due to new marriages and babies and in the end it will all work out.

It is difficult to see them crying but keep talking to her, keep in good contact/parental discussion with your ex so you both know how things are for your DD and in time she will come through it.

The ideal is for her to know what the normality will be and when after your new arrival and her dad's wedding things should settle down and become normal.

Good luck!

Hello,

Would really like to chat on here with you as I'm going through the same thing with my son!! He was fine for the first half of term and then in the second it all started and it has come as a total shock to me! He was so laid back and out going and now he has developed this anxiety. He has even decided that he can't stay in the car on his own if I ever need to pop back into the house for something for fear of being lonely. I'm desperately trying to do and say the right things to get him through this so would be really interested to hear how you are getting on with your daughter over time and maybe hear about things you've done that work!!