What has happened to my baby - please help!!

[DawnAS]

Hi all,

I've started threads before on MN, some receiving lots of helpful advice and I really hope that this does the same as we are really really struggling.

So background is, DD is coming up for 14 months old and since 5 weeks old has slept for 12 hours a night. We've always put her down awake and she just goes off to sleep when she's ready. As she's got older, in the day we would put in a book when she naps and she'd chatter to her toys as if reading them a story (we've had bedtime stories since she was born as part of her routine) but in the evening just her toys. More recently, she would actually choose a cuddly toy from the little chair in her room to go to sleep with and the choosing became a fun routine.

So a bit long-winded but generally you get the picture, bed-times never been a problem.

So, last Thursday, she went to bed as normal having chosen her toy and then a couple of hours later, at about 9pm, she woke up crying. Went in and she was terribly bunged up, which she often is in this heat.

So I picked her up and we gave her some juice (she hates water) and settled her back down again, which a towel with some olbas oil drops, folded under her cot sheet.

At about 3am, she woke screaming, sounding like I've never heard her - almost a scared cry! I went in and picked her up and everytime I tried to put her back down, she screamed. In the end (and I've never had to do this before), I took her into my bed with me and my DH slept in the other room.

The following night, I went out and left her with DH. She took ages to get to sleep and after I'd gone out, she woke up again and was apparently sick. DH then took another hour or so to settle her. At just after midnight she woke again. I went in to pick her up, soothe her and put her down. This went on until 3am when I eventually gave in and took her into my bed again. Definitely not something I wanted to do but after 3 hours, it was clear that she wasn't going to sleep.

It has now been like that everynight since. She grips us like a little monkey when she knows we're about to put her in her cot and screams. Last night I tried to put her down from 10pm until 4.00am this morning as I don't want to start having her in my bed. But in the end I was so tired that I had to concede. But what on earth could have happened and can someone please tell me what I should try?

She is with my SIL today and she uses a travel-cot for her daytime naps. If that has been Ok today, we will bring it home in case there's a sudden issue with her cot.

One other thing, she's stopped taking medicine aswell. We can't get any into her. Tried syringe in the cheek, on a spoon, in juice, in yoghurt and nothing works. Anyone any ideas on this?

Just been diagnosed with PND aswell (last week) so really need some kind people with good advice!

xx

Hi DawnAS,

My guess is that she's had a really scary nightmare and doesn't realise it's not real. Let's hope putting her in the travel cot for while helps her to forget about it and then she'll go back in the cot in a couple of weeks.

Don't worry too much - she'll probably be back to normal very soon.

Just read your post, could your daughter be suffering with night terror's??? These may have spooked her that's why she can't settle very well. Also with the medicine thing, maybe she doesn't want to take it because she associates going to sleep and having the night terrors with the medicine you give her.

It is horrible especially when they scream. I have two children and even now my 4 year old who is the oldest still has the odd night where she wakes up crying or screaming.

Hope this helps x

HI ladies,

Thank you for your responses. We've just done a quick test.

DD fell asleep in the car on the way back from the CM today and didn't wake up when we got her out of the car. So we put her into her cot when we got back and she woke straight away and screamed.

So I picked her up and took her to our bed and left the room (obviously still watching her because we didn't want her to fall out) and she screamed again.

So is it a separation thing? If that's the case, surely after 6 hours last night she should have been exhausted after picking her up and putting her down and fallen asleep.

Any thoughts?

xxx

Bump...

I should probably also say that the reason that I'm not convinced about the separation thing, is that it's only at bed/nap times. She's fine when we're downstairs. She's happy to play on her own in the lounge (safely) and is fine when I drop her at SIL's house or the CM...

Dawn

Just to let you know my DS who is the same age is doing exactly the same thing. I think it is just a matter of a new awareness of their world. They are no longer placid little things. Like you I have been lucky enough to have had a happy little baby who slept easily up til now. It is quite a shock and very distressing.

We are doing all the same things that you are and are hoping it will pass.

Greatgoing, thanks so much for coming back to me. It's a shame though that there isn't a miracle cure - however, maybe one of us will find it and can tell the other one.

With your DS, is it almost a fear thing? Does he seem scared when you put him down, because that's certainly the same for our DD. And as much as it breaks my heart that she's upset, another bit of me just wants to get some rest. I work 10 hour days over a 4 day week and had to take a day off sick today because I'm just so exhausted .

It took from 10pm until 4am of me trying to get her to sleep last night and it still didn't work. How can that be maintained?

Good luck though hun, hopefully it will pass before we're all driven mad...

xx

Dawnas - my DD did this around 18 months, she refused to go to sleep in her cot (would scream and scream and cling to me) - ended up putting a double mattress down on her floor and she slept on that for awhile till I got her a single bed. For some reason, she decided she did not want to sleep in the cot - i used to put her to sleep on our bed, move her to the cot, but when she twigged on that this was happening would scream and scream .... all returned to normal with mattress on floor!

Hi iwant,

Thanks for that. I did think about that actually and wondered if that might be it. She's not walking yet, would that make a difference? Would it be Ok to put her on a mattress?

I just feel completely overwhelmed with it all...

xx

DS developed a sudden dislike for calpol as well, I go for the approach of not using it unless I really have tried everything else and am at the end of my tether, I got an own brand baby paracetamol product which was a different flavour (which helped slightly - he'll take it happily if he's in a good mood now) and I just use a syringe and sorry to say I just pin him down and squirt it in and hope he doesn't choke! As I said it's a total last resort anyway

You can also gve less than the reommended dose, they tend to overestimate how muh you will need.

Sorry my keyboard is rubbish

It's developmental. It happens just before they start walking. Very, very, very common. At least a thread a week on it.

Their brains when getting ready to walk lose their ability to sustain the sleep they previously had. They struggle to settle, feel frustrated, cross, confused etc. Their brains are just too busy. It's very upsetting for some children but they can't help it.

I'd do whatever you can to get through it. It won't last forever.

Of course you can chuck in separation anxiety, nightmares, teething etc on top of it, but sleep problems are expected around the time they get ready to walk.

DAwnas we used a double mattress that we had, just put that down on the floor, so figured it would be okay if she rolled off (she never did) Try her on a mattress and see if that sorts it out, if it does you can always move her to a single bed - we bought one, (a very low one) and got one of those mattress guards - worked fine ...
its terrible when the sleep thing goes, try not putting her in the cot as you have and see if that sorts it out .....
we did this, as dd just really did seem to hate cot and i didnt have the heart to struggle through putting her in!
good luck ...

DawnAS if she'd just woken somewhere she was scared that could have caused her to be anxious when you left her moments later.

I would just not put her in the cot at all for a few days in the hope that whatever she is scared of fades. A mattress on the floor of her room or your room if need be could be agood alternative because the fears won't be re-awakened every time she goes to bed.

You could also try pottering around upstairs once she's down so she doesn't feel alone while she settles.

Hi, we have had a similar situation w DD (13 months' old). We put it down to feeling scared about the cot (we tried controlled crying for 3 mins, and it triggered a separation/hating cot situation - never again). Our solution (based on Baby Whisperer, but not following it 100%) has been to:

1. lie in the cot bed w her (I had to hold DD in my arms initially), so she isn't scared of the cot and/or feeling too abandoned. DD has a cot bed (bigger than a cot) so poss not an option if your DD has a cot. Think Whisperer suggests putting baby to sleep on a pillow on your lap, then on pillow on the floor in front of you, poss an option if you can't get into the cot.

1. once calm, move out of the cot bed and onto a stool next to her, patting her head/back until asleep.

1. if no need to get into cot and/or pat, then sit on stool next to cot facing DD.

1. sit on stool facing away from DD.

Idea is that you are starting v close to them, then transition away, at their pace. Hope this helps!!

Qualification: DH is in w DD now, who sounds to be monkeying around, so while she isn't scared of the cot any more, we haven't cracked independent bed time!

Reading all the other replies it just goes to show that most babies develop this and it will eventually subside.

There are lot of techniques that have been mentioned, so I would try some of these. Also do you shut the door completely? if you do then maybe invest in a nightlight? Or I know she is quite young but don't let her nap too much. So if she naps for 1 hour or 2 hours shorten the time, so she is sooooo tired she can't fight?

Or could you just leave her to scream it out? Sounds harsh I know but she maybe screaming because she knows it gets your attention.

When my 4 year old started playing up about bedtime, we use to let her crawl all the way downstairs and I use to spend about an hour taking her back up. Up, down, Up, down but she soon realised there was no point in fighting it.

I hope you get it cracked soon because I know how exhausting it is.

Does she want both of you as much? Or does she prefer mum over dad?

Any possibility that the Olbas oil got in her eyes? It's agony and it might have scared her about her cot. Especially if the smell is still hanging around.

Hi all,

Thank you all so much for your replies. They've all been great and given us lots to think about.

ShowofHands, definitely sounds like a possibility as she has started to pull herself up to standing in the last few days.

My Step-MIL has been around tonight when I called in despair. She is a nurse and asked some questions. She had a very similar situation with her daughter and her view is that DD is literally pushing the boundaries. She worked out that everytime she cries, I go in.

So tonight I didn't. It took about 30 minutes and she went to sleep. She hasn't woken yet but I'm not under any illusions that she won't wake again tonight. But MIL did say to just leave her, unless of course she sounds really really distressed. During the day she is absolutely fine. She's smiley, happy, eating well and drinking fine so it really looks like she's trying to push me. She's a very clever cookie and as MIL rightly said, there's not too much that they have control over, other than how much they eat or drink. They can't control what they wear, when they're changed, where they go etc, so if she can control me and make me go in when she wants, she'll do it.

She made a lot of sense actually and I do feel a bit more confident. But I'll see how I feel in an hour or two if she wakes up.

Thank you all so much for your support.

xx