The Birth
The child arrived after one last great push,
The hormonal surge turned mum's mind into moosh
As she gazed at the angel with dreams and hopes laden
and whispered 'I think I will call him... Jaydon'.
The midwives all gasped, the father did groan
But too late! The boy's fate was now set in stone.
The baby did change before mum's fearful eyes
And a regional accent distorted his cries.
From his sweet little ear so soft and endearing
Emerged a cheap-looking, gold-plated earring.
Mum resolved to try with all of her might
To make sure that Jaydon turned out alright.
But her evil curse on the child was hard to forget
And her fears were confirmed whilst browsing mumset.
Lo, let us proceed in time for to see
What young Jaydon was like at the grand age of three.
Childhood
Refusing the offer of free-range organic eggs
Master Jaydon would only eat sausage rolls from Greggs.
Fruit shoots were all that he would drink
And his love of TV made his poor mum's heart sink.
In the playground the other children were fearful
And would run to their mothers, angst-ridden and tearful
In case they too caught his fearful disease
and forgot how to say 'aga' in Mandarin Chinese.
His teachers knew he was a lost cause on sight
And no matter how nicely he attempted to write
Would always award him an 'F' and 'see me'
They knew he'd not get a 'decent' degree.
To exam halls they always refused him admission
As the local school board had a 'no Jaydon's' condition
No G.C.S.E.'s in this lad's future, you know
Though they gave him an honorary A.S.B.O.
Adulthood and beyond
Alone in his bedsit above a Chinese
Jaydon watches one of his three wide-screen TVs
He cruises the streets with his track-suited crew
On a never ending search for cheap special brew
No job to restrict him, he roams through the town
As his girlfriend goes shopping in her dressing gown
And despite both their parent's middle-class dreams
They wear George at Asda and eat custard creams.
It's not Jaydon's fault how he turned out, you see
But rather his name (which is somewhat chavvy)
It's a well-know fact that a collection of letters
Separates down-and-outs from their nicely-named betters.
Had Jaydon been Charles or Alex or Stan
He'd have been a doctor or rich business man
So don't pick what sounds nice in case it's taboo
And if you think that's the case, then the joke is on you.
Really, people - class is only an issue if you MAKE it an issue! Hope all mums of Jaydons out there see the funny side of this - I think it's a fine name and there were hundreds I could have chosen instead