If you love it, that's all that really matters?

[FoxyRevenger]

I have been looking at these threads for a while as my husband and I are really struggling to think of any names (I'm 18 weeks pregnant).

One thing that I see posted time and time again is people saying "well, if you love the name, that's all that counts"

But, is it?

I'm not convinced. Is it more important to give your child a name that will work for them, in their life, than to go ahead and call them, I dunno....Shoelace just because you love it?

And before anyone gets paranoid, I'm not thinking of any name in particular at all, it's just something that I've been pondering.

So does anyone have any thoughts?

I agree. If you love it but everyone else thinks it's bonkers/ridiculous/unkind then I think you should think again.

Oh and if you find yourself wonderning whether your're 'brave' enough to use a name, then change your own name to it - if you give it to your child it's not you that'll have to be brave, it's your child. And a newborn baby cannot give informed consent.

Ah, that's a good thought - it's your child who will have to be brave. Never thought of it that way.

I agree with Seeker but would say that, if everyone else has told you that it's bonkers/ridiculous/unkind to call your child Shoelace and you have thought again, but are still convinced that only the name Shoelace will do, then nobody can stop you. But you have to be aware that your child may never come to share your choice in names and may change theirs to John or Jane as soon as they're legally competent to do so.

In fact, my emerging theory is that it is people who have good but unremarkable names like John and Jane who feel the need to call their children Shoelace and Dustbin and, conversely, Shoelace and Dustbin will in due course name their children James and Emily.

Shoelace and Dustbin. If I ever have twins...

My brother has a rather unusual name that unfortunately lent itself to lots of nicknames at school - he swore he would only give his kids very traditional normal names and that's what he's done!

I also have a friend called Kristofer, and he always said there was nothing worse than having a normal sounding name with a different spelling - he always gets things with the wrong name on, and always has to spell it out.

If everyone gives you a funny look when you say the name, they are going to do that to your child their whole life!

I guess you just have to think practically as well as going with something you love. But that doesn't necessarily mean going for something really popular or traditional just for the sake of it either.

I agree that it is vitally important that your child's name is going to "work" for him/her in the wider world beyond Mummy and Daddy.

Work for them how? Make sure they 'fit in'? Fitting in is overrated, IMO.

I sometimes wonder if people haven't entirely realised that the baby will grow up to be a real person!

And the spelling thing - it would drive me mad. I knew a girl whose name had a completely superfluous 'gh' and it drove her insane spelling it practically every day to someone....

Hmm, so much to think about!

(I kind of want someone to come along and disagree though, just for the banter)

MamaLazarou - I suppose I just mean not having to explain/spell it to every new person they meet. It must get so tedious!

Or work against them in a 'if I ever saw that name on a CV I'd think twice about interviewing them' sort of way.

I will gladly disagree with you, Foxy

I have an 'unusual' spelling of an ordinary name, and can say that it's my favourite thing about it. So what that I have to spell it out every day of my life? It beats being the same as all the other s.

Was having discussion on this topic last night with friend, she has a not unusual name (jilly)and when asked if it bothered her there were 4 other jillys in class she they were kind of a gang plus she has one close friendship initiated purely on basis of shared name.

Some european countries make you choose from a state list - so no shoelaces allowed....i would leave to common sense...but agree its best to contemplate that a name is for life , not just for looking cute in age 6 days...hell, they'd look cute whatever you call 'em when they are wee. Have known kids with unusual names..cloud..silk...freedom...some of them hated at school but liked later on in life.

Totally agree with you OP. Sometimes I think people forget that they are choosing a name on behalf of another, rather than choosing their own name. To me, it is more important than my child likes their name, than I do. But perhaps that is because I have been 'blessed' with a name that I hate. I guess that is why I have chosen names for my DDS whereby there are 6 potentialvariations of their names, should they decide they hate the name they have been given later on in life.

madbad - my DP and I both have unusual, 'brave', oddly spelt (in his case) names. We called our DS Oliver... My parents have very normal, safe names - i think your theory holds for us

I think other things matter tbh, I may be shot down for admitting it, but I think there are going to be other people besides YOU in your children's World! People who will think, Myra and Maxine (choke) ahem, lovely names...... em.. NIce weather!? that 's a silly example as nobody would actually call their baby after serial killers but ykwim.

Seeker, I think you would approve of my children's names! but what's brave for your own generation mightn't be brave for the next generation.

I love Dash for a boy, I didn't have a boy, and it would have had to be two boys as the first was being named Tristan, but I'd never use it as even I know it's a bit daft.

I think when people say 'oh but if you love it, you should use it', what they really mean is 'it's awful/ridiculous/the C word/stupid', but don't want to say that.

My DD has to spell her name constantly, but she has the correct spelling, which I was determined to give her.
Many people I meet still ask her name twice, and say they've never heard of it before, which is what I wanted-something unusual-but it's not really that unusual at all, and I was not spelling it phonetically because that's not the name. (It's Niamh)