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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Advice needed on whether I should use a name my sister already wanted....

51 replies

flessica · 19/10/2009 22:11

I am 20 weeks pregnant and have just found out its a girl! As I already have four boys, I am in complete shock!!!

Here's the thing - my sister is 21, no children but in a serious relationship (probably soon to be engaged!) and said about a year ago that she thinks Evie May is the best name for a girl ever and really wants it.

When I got pregnant this time, I overhead someone calling 'Eva!' to someone else and instantly fell in love with it. It took me a while to put the two together and realise that, as we are a close family and see a lot of each other, if I had an Eva (probably Eva Grace), she wouldn't be able to have her Evie May.

I mentioned it to her as a hypothetical name and she said in mock horror 'Please don't steal my name!' but I'm not sure how serious she was. And I hadn't given it much thought until today because I was sure I was having a boy.

Added to this, I currently have no other girl's names that I like.

So, do I keep Eva Grace in the mix now I know I'm having a girl? (I'm having a girl! )

Or do I leave it for the sake of a possible Evie May in my sister's future (bearing in mind she may not have children or only have boys or have gone off the name by the time she is pregnant in the future)?

OP posts:

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sweetnitanitro · 20/10/2009 08:44

Don't do it! My cousin did it to me and I was upset by it. You could always talk to her about it, sit down with a cuppa and a baby name book and have some girlie time together.

Congrats on your first girl

ErnestTheBavarian · 20/10/2009 08:53

Def. don't use it. congrats by the way.

lilysam · 20/10/2009 09:56

I'd go with Ava as previously suggested, close enough to Eva without ruining Evie for your sister.

Would love Ava myself but there's already one in our family

Original poster

flessica · 20/10/2009 10:31

Wow - I thought the replies would be mixed but looks like everyone is in agreement! Thankyou - it's harder in RL because people are more polite and may not say what they mean for fear of offending - can always rely on MN for honesty .

One difficulty is that we are keeping the gender a secret so not sure I can go back and ask her again now. Will put Eva to the back of my mind (sob!) and begin searching for another.

Thankyou!!

OP posts:

MadBadAndWieldingAnAxe · 20/10/2009 10:37

Why not start a thread asking for names with the same vibe as Evie May?

Disenchanted3 · 20/10/2009 10:40

What about Ava Grace?

Ava is far away enough for her to use Evie still I think, but Evie and Eva aren't.

RnB · 20/10/2009 10:43

Congratulations!

Don't do it.

liliputlady · 20/10/2009 10:54

I think You should talk to your sister and tell her you love this name.

I actually see no problem with having cousins Evie and Eva, it would be different if they were sisters.

good luck and congratualtions!

persephoneplum · 20/10/2009 12:56

There are many other nice names out there anyway! Don't do it - many don't subscribe to the idea of name stealing but I do. Your sister will resent it for years - not worth it.

Congrats on your girl! I have two boys and thinking on a third child, but dare not hope for a girl.

MrsVik · 20/10/2009 12:57

My sister did this to me - my niece has the first and middle name that I told my sister I would secretly love for a daughter.

I'm still somewhat sore about it, although I couldn't image my gorgeous niece called anything else now.

It's not just the name - honestly my tastes have changed since and I have found a beautiful name for my daughter who is due in January which I wouldn't change for the world - it's the fact that my sister rode so rough-shod over my feelings in the whole thing.

Name preference is a very personal thing, even when the name in question is very popular. I would think more than twice about 'stealing' someone's name which they have thought about and envisioned for their own child.

TheDevilEatsBabies · 20/10/2009 13:07

please don't do it.

if she's dead set on the name, she's probably not thought of any others.
it's not worth risking the upset.

although you could still ask her if she still wants it.

plus, everyone's right, there are a lot of evas and graces around at the moment.

weaselbudge · 20/10/2009 14:19

Hmm i think you should have a serious discussion with your sister - when I was 21 I wanted to call my hypothetical daughter Elle - pronounced Ellie. I was so set on it. By the time I actually had a child (aged 30) there is no way I would use that name!! It would be a shame if you gave up your perfect name without at least discussing it. Plus her future dh/dp would have to agree with Evie(and in all likelihood he may have his own ideas)!!

Mammina · 20/10/2009 15:36

I wouldn't do that to my sister tbh. My best friend has always wanted to use a certain name that I adore and would have loved to use but there was no way I was going to 'steal' it. Also, agree with others that there are trillions of Evas, Evies, Avas around at the moment

DuelingFANGo · 20/10/2009 15:39

personally I wouldn't do it. She's asked you not to.

browntrout · 20/10/2009 16:27

IMO I wouldnt even ask her again. She may feel under pressure to agree as you are already pregnant and she isnt. She might feel a bit silly having a name for a hypothetical baby even tho lots of people do have names in mind from very early on. You know she has her heart set on it and so I would just spend the next 20 weeks looking for an alternative. Girls names are much easier in my view and if you've managed to name 4 boys you wont have any problems at all! Congrats btw

diddl · 20/10/2009 17:55

I know you love the name, but there really are names that arejust as pretty/prettier.

I think that the fact that she said "please don´t steal my name" shows how it would upset her.

Are there any grandparents with names you can use/adapt?

What names does your husband like?

Avendesora · 20/10/2009 18:20

What about Ava or Eden or Evelyn instead, then its not as close to Evie.

Cluttergump · 22/10/2009 11:05

totally cannot do this to a sister. a friend, possibly but a sister, a close sister?? nope. Eva is not even that nice....Evie is better. oooh how abot Ada Grace?

OrangeAnge · 22/10/2009 11:30

I know I?m coming in a little late on this one but I thought I?d just give my two-penneth worth! I think you should tread carefully and speak to your sister about it first but I really don?t see that people can say ?that is my name?, especially when they don?t actually have a baby yet.

Your sister is still quite young and although you say she is in a serious relationship who is to say when she will have children? I thought that I knew what names I would call my children when I was that age too, but over the years they changed to different ones. Now I am pregnant and the names I am considering with my boyfriend are again very different. Not only did I change my mind, but some of the names I liked he really doesn?t, and of course the name has to go with the surname. Naming a fictitious child is very different to naming a real one.

Now, I?m not saying that you should just go ahead and use Eva (that?s for you to decide) but I think it should be mentioned that if she has a child, she may not like Evie any more, or she may only have boys?..It would be a shame for you to miss out on using a name that you really like.

Good luck!

tasmaniandevilchaser · 22/10/2009 11:47

could you not ask your sister if she would mind you making dd's middle name Eva? Tho as others have said she may feel under pressure.

tbh I'm surprised so many people are so dead set against it, if your sister was pregnant even I'd say definitely don't use it, but she's only 21 and not pregnant. She might not have a baby for 15 years!! As orange said, she may change her mind in the future. Maybe I just don't have as strong feelings about names as other people...? I know the name I'd want if my next was a boy, but if my sister had a baby boy in the meantime and called him that, I really wouldn't mind. I would appreciate if she asked me first, but I honestly wouldn't care, I'd just find another name, or use it as a middle name.

I suppose as others have quite rightly said, if she feels very strongly about it, it's about a close relative riding roughshod over her feelings. That's the most important point.

Anyway, the general consensus is very clear, hope that you find a solution and congrats on having a girl, how very exciting for you! (welcome to the world of pink!! I've always thought girls' clothes are better than boys, if you like pink anyway! I like it more than I thought I would) stop rambling tas

Original poster

flessica · 22/10/2009 12:17

Thanks, orange and tas, these were my original thoughts on the subject so I was surprised at the strong feelings of everyone too!

I definately wouldn't ignore her opinion, but I also have a high enough opinion of my sister to know she wouldn't bear a grudge over something like this!

My experience in naming children has been that before pregnancy I may have had a lot of ideas but it's different when you're actually expecting, and have to take current trends and DH's opinions into account as well. With all of mine, I have 'settled' on a name halfway through the pregnancy and then been unable to think of them as anything other than that name, and I feel like I've already done that this time! I keep thinking of similar names to Eva but they're never quite right...

Also, I don't know any other Evas in RL (a couple of Eves and Evies) so there I was thinking I had found a nice original name that people still knew how to spell...

OP posts:

bluebump · 22/10/2009 15:09

I always knew what I would call any DD I might have since I was 16 (my friends niece was called it), and gave up after 2 DSs and called my DS the masculine version instead but I would have been miffed if my sister had chosen that name. My sister has been very vocal about what she wants to call any potential DS she has - luckily for me she will call him Erroll which funnily enough wasn't on my list Congratulations though, I hope you manage to sort it out!

LittleOneMum · 22/10/2009 17:06

I think it's not a 'she might not have a baby' point, it's a 'she's your sister, don't upset her' point.

My sis is a lesbian, who is showing no signs of ever having kids ever. However, if I chose her names which she's chosen, she'd be really upset (and they are lovely names too!!!). It's just not worth the upset.

MrsJiggle86 · 22/10/2009 17:19

I would speak to her, she may never even have a little girl, it seems daft to hold a name back for an if

KERALA1 · 22/10/2009 19:28

Dont do it and you will be glad in the long run when your baby isnt one of 5 Eva/Evies in her class!

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