Changing a baby name after adoption

[MichKit]

Hi, I have a bit of a dilemma. My little girl has an Indian name. We are not planning on having a natural second, and are in the process of adopting from India. We are adopting from a convent based orphanage, and the little girl we are adopting is called Rosemary. She is three years old.

Now, I hate the name Rosemary, as when I was little I was bullied by a girl of the same name, and its got really not nice associations for me. Legally, we are allowed to change the name when we finish the formal adoption. But this has thrown up a dilemma. My DH thinks that we should continue calling her Rosemary, as that's the name she was given at the orphanage, and that's her background. Whereas I really really hate the name, and I want to give her a new name, preferably an Indian one. We have about two months before the adoption completes and we are allowed to bring her back to the UK.

Any advice?

I wouldn't change it as its part of her identity. If you really feel you must change it, I would keep Rosemary as her middle name. Couldn't you keep the name but call her Rosie as a nickname to disassociate her with the name?

can you not keep rosemary as a middle name? and choose something prettier for her first name?....then just drop rosemary altogether? , no-one uses their middle names anyway!

You could contract it - Rose, Mary, Rosie for starters or use an alternative: Rosa or Marie. Don´t forget when she arrives, she will simply wipe out the previous experience of the name and you actually may LOVE it because of what she means to you. So, just don´t rush anything. Congratulations!

if she was a baby, then i might have said yes, but she is 3, and it is only a name. I would shorten it to maybe Rose, Rosie or Marie as someone else suggested. She'll have enough cahnges to deal with tbh, why add one more to her worries.

She is 3. She will know her own name by now. You can't change it. Too late. Sorry.

Call her Rosie or Rose or Ro if you really can't bear Rosemary.

I too agree with trying to keep the name (maybe a shortened version of it - Rose is lovely), she will have so many changes to get used to bless her. Changing her name will just add to the stress for her.

Maybe once she is settled, start to introduce a new name to her in the hope that she takes to it and then have Rose as her middle name maybe?

I know Rosemary may have bad connotations for you, but think about the little girl's feelings first.

Congratulations, I hope all goes well for you

Is she actually called Rosemary by the orphanage staff? You may find that she is used to being called a shortened version that you could manipulate into an Indian version. For instance if she's commonly called Rosie then you could possibly change it to Roshni.

I think it's worth keeping the name somewhere in her new name though as it's part of her history. We very slightly changed DS's first name and kept his birth surname as one of his middle names.

So your little one is 3 now, and your adopting from india. does she speak english? or do you speak any indian?, you might get away with changing her name if she has to learn a new language, if you pick a similar sounding one...or what about a cute nickname for her?

was she called Rosemary by the orphanage staff, or was it given by her birth parents?....im asking as perhaps she has another name on her birth certificate???.... if she does ?problem solved!

I would suggest you change her name as little as possible, it really is bound up with issues of identity and rejection.

I wondered about changing our lad's name (he is called a dimunitive like Billy and I'd have liked the proper version like William) but in the end I felt he'd had so much taken away, who was I to take away his name? It was one of the few things his birth mum could give him.

Maybe you need a little counselling to sort out your issues over "Rosemary" and put it behind you - wouldn't that be good to be able to move on and not involve your little girl in a problem that's not of her making.

I would start with Rosemary and gradually shorten it to Rosie. I would put an Indian name first but still keep the Rosemary but call her Rosie and then give her the option of changing when she is older. I think it is too much to change her whole identity at the start-she has enough to deal with.

I would do what Piscesmoon suggested. Change her first name legally and have Rosemary as a middle name. Phase out Rosemary to Rosie and perhaps phase in the Indian name later, like a pet name or nickname.

Just to give you the perspective of an adoptee here, I was incredibly upset when I discovered that my parents had changed my name. I was adopted at four weeks so I obviously had no memory of being called my original name, but I hated the idea that it was something that could be arbitrarily changed.
Your daughter will have lots of adoption-related issues to deal with as she gets older, it would be sensible (and kind) to avoid making an extra one.

ThankS for the suggestions. Deep down, I know that DH is right and the name is really part of her identity and I should just try to accept it. But obviously it wasn't that easy.

Clarification, my natural child is 18 months, and the one we are adopting is three. We managed to get around the age issue because I still have an Indian passport, even if I rarely use it. DH and DD are Canadian, and we are a mixed race family.

The orphanage call her Rosemary, as there's already another Rosie there. I still haven't quite made up my mind up... hopefully everything will be OK.

Agree with the Rosie option. My DD has a long name and a nn, which are used interchangeably. Use Rosemary to start off with, introduce Rosie as a nn and gradually change the emhpasis to being on Rosie rather than Rosemary.

Rosemary is a beautiful name you know. Could you just live with it for a bit & see if you can't put the childhood bully behind you?

Good luck with your new daughter anyway

I do think 3 is too late to change the name fundamentally. My dbro has had to change the name of both of his (adopted) dses for safety reasons (the birth mother lives not too far way) but both were much younger than this when renamed, and the foster parents had been quite sensitive to the need to support it from c. 12-18 months.

I'm sure Rosie or Roshi will stick without too much problem and she will be her own person, not a name, when she becomes part of your life permanently. What about Mary Rose, maybe?

i know its not the same age but dd foster parents had her responding in 3 nweeks to the name we had chosen and she was 14 months.

my name was changed after adoption but I was only a baby, I think by 3 months she will know her own name and associate herself with it

agree with the others, use Rosie or Rose - she will make it her own and you'll forget any associations you've ever had with that name other than your lovely little girl

all the very best to you