starting to use different nickname for DS (4)

[halia]

OK, DS (4.1) has 3 names (first and two middle names).
We don't use the long version of his first name and never intended to its there so he has more options when he is older.
We generally use a short of his first name - but its slightly unusual and as he has grown older we've realised it doesn't suit him at all. On top of that we've moved to a much more rural area where instead of unusul its totall unknown and I am concerned about bullying.

Actually his middle name suits him MUCH better in all its version (James). We actually use it some of the time anyway - usuually as Jimlad, MrJim or sunnyJim.

Now I know that there would be no problem enrolling him at school/GPs as S..... James T... known as Jim or James.

However I know it would be confusing for DS to have his name changed.

What I'd like to do is introduce the idea of his 'big name' S...... James F... T....

• I thought I could tie it into explaining that people have big names and nicknames (he has asked why his friend Edward (who has an E letter for his name) is called Ned (which is a N letter)

Dunno - I really would prefer him to be known as James (OK with any short for James actually) but worried it will just make him very very confused.

Why not ask him which he likes best?

What does he prefer? I know he's only 4 but I think that's old enough to choose what he wants to be known by, unless it's Princess Honeybottom or something like that.

I dont think you should do it, sorry.
If you absolutely MUST then please dont lie to him about James being his 'big' name as thats bound to confuse him more.
If his name gets changed to something completely different to what its always been he's bound to want to talk about it with friends and teachers etc. If he goes into school and says 'I used to be called Sam but thats my short name and my long name is James' then they will probably tell him 'no, your middle name is James' as thats correct.

If you feel now that his nickname doesnt suit him and may leave him open to bullies (are you sure about that? not just projecting now that you are no longer keen on it?) can you start using his full first name instead?
That will make more sense to him and you can truthfully explain that it is his full name and that at school they like to know your whole name etc to explain why you are changing it...

What's the name??????

I don't think I'm 'lying' to him if I say S... James T... is his LONG/big name - it is!

He doesn't have any idea at the moment about his full name and I think it ought ot be introduced at some point anyway so how about this as a starting discusion with him.

"People often have more than one name, a first name a middle name and a surname. Sometimes people have a nickname which is shorter than their full name. Mummy's full name is R H T but her nickname is R.. or M
Your full name is S.. James T... and your nickname at home has been S or Jimlad.
When you go to big school they will need to know your whole name in case there is someone else with the same nickname as you, like at nursery you have Joe A and Joe T."

I would leave it at that and just work on him recognising his full name with the hope that I can then get him introducing himself as "my full name is S J T but I like to be called ?"

Yes that sounds better.
I thought you meant that you'd tell him his long name is just 'James'!

Yes, explain about his full name and middle names and ask him what he'd like to be called - his current nickname, his whole first name or his middle name?

I'll ask him but I have to introduce the fact that he HAS middle names to start with!