Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

Original poster

Baby naming etiquette.....acceptable or not?

24 replies

frazzledoldbag · 14/04/2009 11:34

Expecting DC3 (DS1) very soon. Have no names for him (well, I have a shortlist and so does DH - but we mainly disagree). There are 2 names that we both quite like but unfortunately one of the names is the name of my step-sisters husband (who is ok, but hardly someone I'd want to name my child 'after' in a deliberate sense), the other name is another step-sisters 11 year old sons name (who I only see probably once every 2-3 years). Is it acceptable to use either of these names if we want to? I have a very large family and have 16 neices and nephews under 10 so lots of nice names are 'taken' IYSWIM. Really struggling and not sure of the etiquette of these things......any advice?
Oh and also I like a third name but have 2 friends with sons called this (and it's quite an unusual name too). Gah! So don't think I could use this one either......or could I?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

frazzledoldbag · 14/04/2009 11:36

Sorry, that's a bit long to read isn't it? Basically can I steal a name from a family member or not? Is it OK to do or will people think I'm a weirdo? (and if I can't it's back to square one in the naming lists......)

OP posts:

lljkk · 14/04/2009 11:38

DS1 has same name as my Step-sister's dh.
DS2 has same name as one of my 1st cousins (I have about 30 1st cousins).
I never thought about it when we chose the names. I think you should go for the names you like if they aren't close relatives or those you see often (and even then they may not mind, if you ask them first).
Trickier with your friends, but maybe you can just ask if they'd mind?

Original poster

frazzledoldbag · 14/04/2009 11:39

And sorry, don't want to reveal all the names as don't want to be identified! None of them are 'common' names though and would probably be described on here as quite posh (if that helps). OK, so one of the 3 names is Hugo, not telling you the others...........

OP posts:

Original poster

frazzledoldbag · 14/04/2009 11:41

And the thing is, if someone in the family wanted to use the same name as one of my 2 DD's I wouldn't MIND as such at all, but I might think it a bit 'weird'......or is that just me being 'weird!'.
(Disclaimer: am very pregnant, tired and hormonal and unable to think rationally)

OP posts:

Original poster

frazzledoldbag · 14/04/2009 11:42

lijkk - did you ask first before using the names?

OP posts:

Cies · 14/04/2009 11:43

I should think you're ok. The connection is distant and no one will think you are naming him "after" step-sister's dh or ds. If you see them that irregularly, then there's no problem.

One of the names we are bandying around atm is also SIL's bf, but tbh if we were to eliminate all relations' names we would be left with a very limited choice indeed!

lljkk · 14/04/2009 13:17

No frazzle, I didn't even think of it . The thing is, people don't really name their dc after themselves any more (so not like step-sis would have called her son after his dad). And my cousin I haven't laid eyes on in 20+ years.

DS2 has my dad's first name as middle name; my dad would have loved DS2 to have it as first name, but it's kind of a weird name.

You can't go wrong if you just ask the relatives and friends in question, though. Most of them will probably be flatterd. Only a few people acquire the attitude of "My Thomas is the only Thomas in the world and no one else close to him can ever be called by the same name" -- as if the kid will never go to school and onwards in to life meeting dozens of people with his same first name.

stroppyknickers · 14/04/2009 13:22

well, we just got a birth announcement from my first cousin (haven't seen/ heard from for three ish years and they have named their child after my (dead) dad. So, I imagine you can pretty much do what you want.

sleeplessinstretford · 14/04/2009 13:34

mybitchsisterfromhell has used all our family names in second and third names for her children(did i say she was a pretentious cow too??)i am sure she only did it to prevent the rest of us doing it though...
i wouldn't use any of them except maybe john (who is my grandad,my uncle and the third name of her third son) and Harriet (which is the feminine version of my grandads name and the 3rd name of her second son)
my youngest sister is pregnant now and is looking at Sean rather than John but it's the same thing really isn't it?I wouldn't consult with bitch sister as they aren't names they are known by but if it was the first name they'd have in common i'd email her so that she can prepare herself and say 'just to let you know we've got blah and blah on our shortlist for the baby-hope this is ok with you...'

Simplysally · 14/04/2009 13:47

My sister gave my niece the same middle name as me (not "after" me though) and my dd has my sister's middle name as one of her middle names. Again, not "after" dsis as such, it ist just one of my favourite names.

What you may find is where a name is common within a family setting, one or more people might claim that your LO is named "after" them even if that isn't the case .

crokky · 14/04/2009 13:51

IMO you can name your baby as you wish. I wouldn't mind if my siblings named their children the same as mine. I really wouldn't mind friends doing it either.

My DD (1) has the same name as my cousin's DD (9) and the same name as my friend's DD (3). The 9yo was thrilled that my DD had the same name as her and the 3yo's mum said it was a nice name.

Unless something upsetting has happened to the person who already has the name, I just wouldn't give it a second thought. Nobody owns names.

pranma · 14/04/2009 14:36

IMO no one owns a particular name and you can name your child what you like no matter who else has that name.

Leannabanana · 14/04/2009 14:44

i think you should do what your heart tells you and if when you see your DS and he looks to you like this name.....call him it....x

lunamoon2 · 14/04/2009 14:51

I think it is ok, as they are not close relatives.
Think it would be different if it was your daughtes's son for example.
x

DivamakesKimchi · 14/04/2009 14:51

personally i will find other name, im sure there are names you might like. even not deliberate why use stepsisters son or husband?

nappyaddict · 15/04/2009 13:38

If it was me I would ask the mum's if they minded. If they said no then feel free.

nappyaddict · 15/04/2009 13:45

crokky did you ask your cousin or friend if they minded before you used the name?

frazzled If it was me I would ask if it was my sibling or step-sibling's child who had the same name because that is close family but anything more distant than that and I wouldn't unless there was going to be a very small gap between them, say anything under 3 years.

ten10 · 15/04/2009 13:46

My cousin named his two sons the same names as his brothers, (but didn't name his daughter after his sister?)

The only problem with this was that the whole family gets together alot, and the younger versions have always been known as-
little James
and little Alistair

but know they are older and have become taller than their namesakes, but are still known with the prefix 'little'

I can't imagine that this would be a problem for you if the family members are slightly more removed

Tidey · 15/04/2009 13:48

I avoided using any names that were already in my family, which was quite hard as I have about 40 cousins, some of whom have children themselves, so a lot of names taken, but each to to their own. If you really love the names I suppose you shouldn't be put off.

Sbeanmum · 15/04/2009 14:27

My MIL had 2 sisters, and all 3 of them named one of their daughters with the same name! My MIL and her sisters were v close, and the ages of the girls were also v close, so they saw each other all the time when they were little; it is still very confusing even to this day, and we all refer to them by their first and surname combined.

One of my DH's aunts also chose names for her two sons which started with the same initial as their father's first name.... can you imagine how much fun they had opening mail when they were old enough to be receiving their own post whilst all living at the same address??

Simplysally · 16/04/2009 10:02

Adding to SbeanMum's comment, my Mum and sister both have very identical names - my sister has one more middle name.

Try booking seats on Eurostar for one Mrs Simply and one Miss Simply with the same first name/surname as I had occasion to do recently... it won't allow you even with the different titles as it thought I had put in the same name twice (er yes, for two different people who happen to have the same name). I had to put in their middle names to be able to complete the booking . They've also had countless problems with the electoral roll or libraries with one being de-registered from time to time as my sister lives with my parents and the powers-that-be think that it's the same person twice. Worth thinking about if you are naming a child after someone already in the household.

minimenace · 16/04/2009 10:27

Is there any way you could spell the names slightly differently Frazzle so that they wouldn't be exactly the same ?

My sister just used her DS2 middle name for the first name of DS3 and my mum just cannot get her head around it, refusing to use the name.

OAPmum · 22/04/2009 18:52

These people don't own the names - call the baby the name you like best and what you think it will be happy owning up to later in life. My stepdaughter has just called her 5 day old daughter Sasha even though she has a cousin Sasha. I have never even given it a thought whether there is etiquette involved

Original poster

frazzledoldbag · 23/04/2009 14:36

hi minimenace - unfortunately no, there are no alternative spellings for the name in question. Still not sure what to do.......

OP posts:

Flip