AIBU

[lovelybones]

my dd is now 15 months old and when she as born I deliberately chose a name that whilst not that unusual is uncommon. One of my friends who is expecting her second dd called me last night to ask how I felt about
them using the same name for their baby. I know I don't have copyright over this name but I feel gutted to be honest. When I asked how she would have felt if I had decided to copy her 1st dd's name when my dd was born she said she would have been shattered! Any thoughts on how I handle this would be most welcome

I don't think YABU at all. I would be mightily pissed off too. She knows she is being out of order cos she phoned you to ask first and said she would have been gutted if you had used her childs name. My DS's name isn't unusual but if one of my friends used it for their DS I wouldn't be happy and neither would they if the situation was reversed.

my sisters first child was born 6 weeks before her sister in laws (their husbands are brothers so they have the same surname) sisters sister in law named her dd the exact same name- ie they are both called Esme Taylor-people don't believe me when i tell them-my sister now refuses to be in the same room as her sil as she finds it ridiculous that they have the exact same name.
I must admit,we wanted William (shortened to billy)for our last baby but 3 weeks before having her(as it turned out!)we had 4 born to friends/colleagues/ante natal so changed it as i'd like some originality...(none of the other williams are billys though they are will/williams as nn so we could've got away with it i guess....
i am god mother to a little girl whose mum rang me and said she loved my daughter so much and loved her middle name would we mind awfully if they stole it as a first name for their third baby if it was another girl, i was flattered

What names forum was that mrswoolf?

Mrswoolf, do you pronounce Mabel like label or like Maybell? Just wondering if it had been changed from the days when I knew 'Aunty Mabel's'.

YANBU. I wouldn't be happy if it was me and you can't really help how you feel. You are probably going to have to let it go though.

Thank you mrsw.

Weeell - I suppose YAB a little U. I think we can know we are unreasonable about certain things though, but the head and the heart don't always respond in the same way

My DD has an unusual name too and I don't know any other little girl with her name. A thread on here recently indicated that it is now "about to become very popular" and I felt a bit edgy about that, I must admit, which surprised me.

If I were to meet another little girl with her name I would probably find it wierd, due to the fact that I've never called anyone else by that name before. The name just means the most important person in my life to me IYSWIM, so yes - very peculiar for it to mean someone else too.

I wouldn't be gutted, but it would feel strange.

Of course DD has the most beautiful name in the world, so I wouldn't blame someone else for using it

Thanks everyone, even those I don't necessarily agree with! I did say to my friend that it wasn't my place to dictate what she can or can't name her child but that if I was in her situation I wouldn't do it. I am surprised that I had such a reaction to it and I guess although its not logical at all I just can't help feeling that it takes something away from my dd's individuality. Before anyone jumps on me for this as I said I KNOW its not logical which s why I mooted this in the first place, as I was interested to see what the general consensus would be. Thanks again.

Just for the record, lovelybones (and I think you've handled it well with your friend), I don't think that something being 'logical' is the most important factor in deciding whether something is acceptable. People who place logic above all things annoy the pants off me because they tend to have no comprehension of the fact that we are made not just of brains but of hearts as well . So who cares whether your feelings are logical or not? I don't . I was more interested in what you do with or about your feelings.

Hope it works out well between you and your friend.

Sleeps- Now that is bad.

Don't think it matters how "unusual" the name is unless of course you have made the name up yourself!!!

An aquaintance "stole" my baby name, I wasn't even pregnant at the time! Even though I hadn't made the name up, no-one else was called by that name at the time( I got the idea from a film and instantly loved it).
However when I had my own ds, hubby said we could still use the name, but to me it had been spoilt somehow as everyone knew the other child by that name.
We didn't use it in the end and kept our choice secret to avoid the same thing happening again.

Its a difficult one - can totally understand how you feel, especially if it is a fairly close friend. However, I think I would be more annoyed if it was a fairly unusual name...

i don't think uabu. i think it's very telling your friend said she'd be shattered - she obviously doesn't really think it's ok either! big difference between coincidence and using it deliberately - wouldn't feel i had any 'claims' on someone i knew distantly, but a close friend, i'd be put out too.