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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

can I use the same name as a friends DD?

27 replies

ateles · 20/02/2009 14:21

Our baby girl is due in less than three weeks, and we have a bit of a baby name dilema...the name we both really love is the same as a friends DD. We have a back up name, but I feel it would be a huge compromise if we didn't choose the name we love.

We don't see these friends very often, they aren't close...but I would hate to upset them. What should we do?

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shonaspurtle · 20/02/2009 14:27

I think it's absolutely fine. Lots of people have the same names.

If you want to be ultra careful you could always phone up the friend and say that you love their dd's name and would they be annoyed if you use it for your new baby. I bet you anything they'll be delighted.

I recently found out that my friend didn't call her ds by the name she preferred because I had used it first (ds was born 8 weeks before her ds). I wish she'd asked me because I think she was a loon not to use it if she wanted to.

FuschiaPink · 20/02/2009 14:27

definitley choose the name you love, it doesnt matter about your friends having used the same name, as you say you dont see them very often anyway. It really doesnt matter imo.
i really cant see how it would upset your friends they would probably be flattered more than anything.
Anyway when your dd goes to school she will probably end up knowing people with the same name and it really doesnt matter at all does it?
You will end up regretting it if you dont choose the name you really want anyway!

Annabel1 · 22/02/2009 22:04

Choose the name you love! Your child will have the name and you will have the child forever. Hopefully the same with the friends but friendships change and you'd then maybe be sad you'd compromised. I know engagement rings aren't as important as baby names but I chose a solitaire instead of a trilogy ring cos two friends at work had trilogies and I don't work with them now.... That said I love my ring! We went against a name because four people in our small road had chosen it and we felt our child might be confused. Helped shorten our list, wasn't the only favourite.

juneybean · 23/02/2009 01:12

If it was a close friend I'd say no especially if your DC's would play together. But as you don't see her very often I don't see the harm in it

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 23/02/2009 01:21

It depends. If it is a name they made up by taking all the letters of both their names, throwing them in the air and seeing what pattern they fell into, then don't.
If it is a name in common use then do.

branflake81 · 23/02/2009 06:21

My sister had the same name as two of my parents' friends (Claire). They were known as big Claire, Medium Claire and Little Claire. It's fine, I think. Close family on the other hand is a bit different. SIL has used "my" name for my niece and I would not use it now for that reason.

henrys7thwife · 23/02/2009 17:03

I'm curious to know what the name is now

I am one of a trillion Sarah's.

georgimama · 23/02/2009 17:07

I wish people would get these ridiculous notions of "ownership" out of their heads about children's names. It isn't your friend's name any more than it is yours, and it doesn't matter who thought of it first.

If she has an issue, tough. There's bound to be more than one of any relatively popular name in a school anyway - or should everyone consult all the other parents on their midwife's books as well?

Kotek · 28/02/2009 20:04

It is absolutely fine for you to use the same name. I know plenty of people who have been in your situation and normally the other friend is flattered if anything.

eandh · 28/02/2009 20:09

No go ahead dd1 has a big standard common name but dd2 is more original, however, I know of 2 friends of friends who have used dd2 name after hearing what it is, we rarely see them only occasional gathering at the mutual friends house so no issues at all, in fact I was quite flattered

Karamazov · 01/03/2009 10:22

I would check with the friend, just out of respect really. Don't think it is particularly respectful to do what you want, regardless of their opinions. However, I suspect they will probably be flattered that you love their name so much (I know I would be!). It wouldn't bother me, but it does bother some people - so I would check and if she doesn't mind, then go for it!

welshdeb · 01/03/2009 10:38

my neighbours chose the name of my ds when they had their ds a few years later. They said they had heard me shout I mean call him in the garden and really liked it.

I didn't mind at all

MrsMattie · 01/03/2009 19:46

If it's unusual, I would mention to friend's that you like it and gage opinion. If it's pretty common, go for it.

conniedescending · 01/03/2009 19:50

I wouldn't use it. There are a million names out there so not necessary to use a name already used by a friend. Not about ownership but about respect imo.

LuLuBai · 02/03/2009 18:13

Personally I woulnd't use a name used by a friend (currently waiting for 2 friends to pop their sproglets before I can finally decide on a name for my baby due in around 6 weeks). But that's just me and I really make life difficult for myself. Finding an un-taken name that you utterly love by the time you reach your mid 30s and all your friends are firing out babies every five minutes is no mean feat!

That said, I think it is worth running it past them. I was once approached by a pregnant woman I worked with to ask if I minded her using my name (which is unusual-ish). I was enormously flattered. Probably the biggest compliment that has ever been paid to me and in the end they use a different abbreviation anyway.

LiffeyBag · 02/03/2009 20:31

It depends, I chose names for my children which were outside the top 100, so I would have been a bit "are you kidding me?" if a friend had copied soon after.

If it's a name in the top 50 or so, and your friends then it's not surprising that you like the same name.

I wouldnt do it though. That's just me. If a name was 'taken' it'd put me off it.

philopastry · 02/03/2009 21:00

Give your child the name you love. I agree with georgie mamma and fuschia.

Heylittlelady · 02/03/2009 21:22

If it's a close friend (even if it was one I didn't meet up with that often - then out of respect I wouldn't. Also out of respect for my DC to not feel like he/she came 2nd or was a "copy" in any way.

As you say they aren't close etc then I would probably use the name.

I have long had a girl's name lined up for if I have a DD, but if a friend unwittingly used it in the meantime I would not/could not use it as it would be "spoiled" for me, even though I would be . (to prevent disappointment in this event I have a fav no. 2 girl's name!!)

newgirl · 02/03/2009 21:27

the only reason i wouldnt is that it might be a clue that it will be very popular

but if you love it then go for it - and if/when it comes up say we loved that name too

Mumcentreplus · 02/03/2009 21:31

Did she know you liked that name in advance?...I told a friend I liked a name (Rae) and years later she used it as a middle name!! ...she did have a baby before i did so that was that..but I'm not holding any grudges...

cilitbang · 02/03/2009 21:41

Use the name you love, i'm sure your friend will be flattered. Anyhow, your daughter will have the name forever, will you know these friends forever? Ps what's the name-we are all curious!

Mumcentreplus · 02/03/2009 21:48

But I agree with other posts if you love the name use it...

LuLuBai · 03/03/2009 10:07

Ooooh Mumcentreplus I would have been if a friend did that. As far as I'm concerned if a friend confides their fantasy child's name it is off limits. I have a very single friend who looks unlikely to have kids any time soon but I know that she daydreams about having a daughter called Scarlett one day. So I would never, ever use it. Not even as a middle name.

LiffeyBag · 03/03/2009 17:52

I agree LuluBai, all this 'nobody owns a name' stuff....... wehhhhlllllll. UP to a point, perhaps. If the name is Emily, Ruby, Chloe and whatever else is in the top ten.

nappyaddict · 17/03/2009 07:21

If it's not a close friend then it's fine.

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