DH has chosen names BUT I want a say too! How???

[KittyCat8]

My DH has had the names for our children picked out pretty much since our second date. (I know, I know, a bit freaky... but I love him...)

The names are sweet and OK I guess but I feel as though I have no say in the matter. I'd REALLY like to name our PFB son after my Dad - he has been such an inspiration and help to us, he's been so ill lately with a suspected brain tumour and I love him so much that I'd like to honour him in this way. I know that he was devastated when I took DH's surname - as his only daughter that means the family name "dies" with me - so I thought calling our son "Rory" (Dad's name is Roy) would be a beautiful gesture.

HOWEVER dh has his heart set on his best friend's name, James, as they promised each other when they were kids that they'd call their children after one another. DH's best friend has not stuck to his side of the deal - his DS is called Jesse, and DH is not - but DH is insistent.

HOW on earth do I convince him to consider other options? James is a lovely name, and there's nothing wrong with it but I feel that honouring my dad would be the right thing to do...

Please help! Your tactful advice will be much appreciated!

When push comes to shove, (and it's the women who have that delight right?) the mum's vote should be the casting one, especially for the first baby.

A perk of the job if you like

And grandad's name is much more relevant, important and significant.

he can't just insist on a name. That's ridiculous. There has to be compromise.

Tskullsscreaming - you are so right. My dh and I have been really indecisive about names but after seeing what I went through in labour just handed the decision right over to me - quite rightly. Dd2 I chose too but ds1 is more his choice. (had elective c section - so felt I could let him have some say!)

Tell him that you like James but that you are equally keen on Rory and you would like to wait until he is born to see which he looks like more.

Of course, as soon as he is born he will look exactly like a Rory and your DH will not dare disagree after you have just given birth

(I actually did that and it worked lol)

2point4kids... I like your thinking...

my dh chose the name of both our dds.

after a while it becomes less of a name and more THEIR name

just chill a bit and let dh have his way (ROLF at jesse james tho, sorry)

er that shuold be ROFL - im not suggesting rolf as a name

I told my dp that although we would decide together on a name, I would have the final say so.

I'm sorry but its a case of my fanjo my choice.

How mad to call your son after his best friend unless you both have some special reason to do so. Perhaps suggest James Snr delivers the PFB?

i really think people place too much importance on names

'HOWEVER dh has his heart set on his best friend's name, James, as they promised each other when they were kids that they'd call their children after one another. DH's best friend has not stuck to his side of the deal - his DS is called Jesse, and DH is not - but DH is insistent.'

I'm with MamaG here.

It's a joint decision between him and you, IMO.

How about an Afrikaans forename to honour that part of the baby's heritage?

Lots of nice male Afrikaans names out there.

James as a middle name, but that's as far as I'd be prepared to go unless I really liked the name myself.

james is a rubbish name tbh
he will get called Jim

Or Jimmy when he's young.

There were some Afrikaans chaps with some interesting names last night on 'Danger Men'.

My landlord's son-in-law is Afrikaans and he has a cool forename.

PS what does he want for a girl?

'james is a rubbish name tbh' nailpolish-wash your mouth out with soap and water.

don't call him james if you don't like it! point out to him the fact that his best friend has not honoured his side of the 'promise' (sounds a bit silly imo) so you are not prepared to use a name you don't like. Just tell him!

Agree with Unsinkable

I carry the child for 9 months, I give birth, therefore I get the deciding vote.

Its sweet your dh made such a pact with his friend, but I bet the friend would be that your dh wants to actually do it

BTW, my sister gave my neice my first and middle names as my neices middle names.

I just couldn't reciprocate when I had dd a few months later - it just didn't go with the first name, and I like my children to have their own names

Rory James is lovely. Do you know you're having a boy or might it be a girl? If so I would say let's wait and see until it is born.

seriously, a promise he made to his friend before he met you decides YOUR son's name? is his friend going to push the baby out?

Have you spoken to him about this yet?