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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

laws re: surnames

42 replies

mybumpsaboy · 14/09/2008 12:22

hallo all, could I have a little advice please??

Myself and my ex are utterly finito & he's trying to get the custody case through court before my LO is even born

That aside, I'm wondering what to do about surnames...I will be naming him on the BC, so he's got PR. Does this mean that if I gave the baby my surname, he could insist it was changed to his??? I would double-barrell but it sounds utterly daft!!

Also, with the FIRST names...what happens about PR if we simply don't agree...can he force me to give the name he wants or can I call the baby what I want?

Nightmare!

OP posts:

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Roskva · 14/09/2008 15:21

What a nightmare situation, for you

I don't know what the position is with surnames, but if you're not married, I don't think there's any obligation to use his surname (and I don't think you have to even if you are married). With first names, who ever registers the baby gets the choice. My Mum had a flight of fancy in the registry office when naming me, and I have always been known by second name since my Dad announced categorically "I'm not calling my daughter THAT!" (and neither do I choose to be known by my first name, either, sorry Mum).

Whoever registers the baby also gets to define the parents occupations, too.

MsHighwater · 14/09/2008 15:25

I think he has to be with you when you register if he is to be named on the bc so you'd better sort out what name(s) to use beforehand.

differentID · 14/09/2008 15:32

if he is to be named on the bc, he has to be with you when registering. I know this sounds awful, but do you really want this man to have pr over your baby? he sounds like a bully

marialuisa · 14/09/2008 16:51

You can use any surname you fancy. DH and I chose not to inflict his double-barelled monstrosity on DD and the registrar didn't even ask if I was sure. We have since changed our surname to match hers.

unfitmother · 14/09/2008 16:57

Are you married? If not, he has to be present in order to be named on the BC.

Original poster

mybumpsaboy · 14/09/2008 18:05

he is a bully. completely & utterly.

but my solicitors have also told me that if he goes to court for PR he will get it, as at the end of the day he's still lo's father, bully or not. So to keep him off the cert would just be delaying the inevitable & making things even more hostile.

I know he has to be present when we register, which is a pain because he refuses absolutely point blank to co-operate on names & I fail to see why the baby should automatically take his surname..dont know what they do if the parents truly CAN'T agree on the first name either!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 14/09/2008 18:10

Personally, I'd register the baby without him present.

FabioBigBangBlackHole · 14/09/2008 18:51

Agree with SoupDragon

Make a date to go with him, as late after the birth as you can manage.
Go before then on your own, and only tell him you've done so after the birth is registered.

You can add his name to the birth certificate later (see here) and you can make clear to him that the only amendment to which you will agree is the addition of his name.

tiggerlovestobounce · 14/09/2008 18:53

I would register without him, and then let him add his name later when the name is already decided.

FabioBigBangBlackHole · 14/09/2008 18:55

Have a good look around the above site - lots of handy info (England and Wales only)

FabioBigBangBlackHole · 14/09/2008 18:56

Also, congrats on your boy!

makingafamily · 14/09/2008 18:58

Sounds like a horrid situation and this isn't the nicest way to do things but if he refuses to compromise then you can register the birth without him and without him being on the birth cert. He can then easily go to court to gain PR but wont be able to change what you have chosen to put on the birth cert

good luck with whatever you decide

Twelvelegs · 14/09/2008 19:00

Ex husband or ex boyfriend?
If only bf then you are the baby's next of kin. I would think you could register in hospital without him present.

ivykaty44 · 14/09/2008 19:01

Things are changing in the registra office and I am not sure when the changes come into effect - but it will be along the lines of the babies father has to be named.

before these changes if you go and register the baby on your own then you can not and will not be allowed to name the babies father on the certificate.

As for custardy before the baby is born is impossible - not alive doesn't count, you can't have custardy of a person that doesn't actaully excist yet!!

So find out if and when the new rules come into effect and then decide what to do

CarGirl · 14/09/2008 19:04

I am go the register office on your own and inform him after the name and just state you will not stand in his way of having PR you just had no wish to go to the registry office with him under the circumstances.

Ohforfoxsake · 14/09/2008 19:05

I registered DS1s birth without naming DP, and we went back together and put his name on it a little later. It was very straightforward and easy, just a trip back to the registry office.

All of our children have my surname. We aren't married, but even if we were, they'd still have mine. We weren't together when we started having children, so DS1 had my name, and all of the children have had to have the same surname. Only his parents have a problem with that.

You can name your baby whatever you want. He can't force you into anything, and the system shouldn't support him doing that either.

bikerunski · 14/09/2008 22:18

Surely there can be no law to make you give him his father's surname. What about the mums who don't know who the father is?

Original poster

mybumpsaboy · 14/09/2008 22:38

thanks for advice guys

He was just my bf, not husband...

all the probs seem to be because I'm being too co-operative & wasn't going to not name him, but if he's going to be so difficult over names, maybe what you've suggested is a good idea -

I'll go without him, then let him add himself later (amicably without court)...he can hardly turn round and say "I only want PR if the kid's called such-&-such lol"

OP posts:

BexieID · 17/09/2008 23:46

Me and DP are not married but Tom has DPs surname which has annoyed my mum. We are engaged and will marry at some point so thought it would make more sense in the long run!

EachPeachPearMum · 18/09/2008 14:24

From what I understand you do not have to name him on the registration, and he will therefore not automatically have PR.
Give baby your surname, definitely.
Is he really likely to fight for PR? Is he likely to still be around in 10 years time?

mabanana · 18/09/2008 14:30

Register the baby yourself, give him the name you want and your surname. He's being a horrible bully - custody of foetus indeed! If he wants to be on the birth cert he can be, but he can't come with you and start kicking off about the name. Don't give the baby his name, because you will never be able to change it!
He will get PR if he goes to court but he doesn't have to be on the birth cert for that.

Father2B · 07/11/2008 14:12

Sorry, I'm confused. Why shouldn't this man get a choice in his baby's name? None of you know this woman's situation and you have assumed he is a bully just because he's trying to win custody? She could be a junky for all you people know

Vronsky · 07/11/2008 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Anglepoise · 07/11/2008 21:56

Not read all the posts, but naming him on the BC/going to court aren't the only ways for him to get PR - you can simply sign an agreement at some later date (or you could a few years ago when I did family law) - perhaps ask your sol about that so he doesn't come to the register office with you?

Also he isn't guaranteed to get PR - IIRC, he had to show that he was taking an active interest in LO's life, having regular contact etc.

Anglepoise · 07/11/2008 21:57

Meh, if I'd read all the posts then I would have noticed it's an old thread

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