Would you change your child's name if they disliked it?

[Lollyiem]

Would you change your child's name if they disliked it and have been asking you to do so? I was relatively young (by most standards) when I had my child at 20 years old so didn't have the most practical/mature taste in names and wasn't thinking of the future but just what I liked at that time. She is now almost 10 and hates her name. It isn't too wacky but also isn't great. She wants me to change it, but I do not even know what name I would change it to. I would like to wait until she's older, but I realise that it might be easier for others to accept if it is done sooner.

One of our DC added a name. Fine with us.
Yes I would listen to the child.

If the child is old enough to express consistent dislike of her name and a wish to change it, surely she gets a say in the new name, and, as she's even younger than you when you chose the name, it's likely to be even sillier?

Has she expressed any ideas about her potential new name?

My brother’s step children all changed their names when they went to secondary school.

She's 10, so it shouldn't be about what you would like to change it to. If she's mature enough to be serious about wanting to change her name, she's mature enough to come up with a name she would be happy with.

I wouldn't make any legal changes until a new name has been trialled for a year or so and your daughter is happy with it. Ultimately though, it should be her decision. What does she dislike about her current name? Is it too popular or too unusual? Does it have multiple accepted spellings or pronunciations and she's fed up of people getting it wrong? What would she like to be called? Do you like any of her choices? I do think it should be her choice, but if she has several names she would prefer to be known as you could definitely help by giving your input on which you prefer, so it still feels like you are naming her in a way.

It's not worth her being unhappy about.

Perfectly reasonable to change her name if that is what she wants! Moving to secondary school would be the easiest time for this. Just list the new name as the preferred name when registering.

I finally got rid of the very childish diminutive version of my name that way 😀

I’d be careful. All my children had a hate my name phase round that age. My son Joe wanted to be Jason, and before that, Bryan. He loves his name now. It may be that you are taking this more seriously because of your ambivalence about her name. Could you look at variations/ diminutives?
Of course I want to tell you that we can’t really comment unless you tell us the name. For example, if it’s Gertrude, I’d suggest Trudi rather than Gertie.

I would allow her to pick something she's happy with and use it informally for a while. I wouldn't change it legally just yet! Let her trial the new name first. If she sticks with it for the next year it so I'd change it properly for secondary school/before exams so she has everything in her new name.

Yes I would. DH has an unusual name that was his grandfathers, given to hm by his mother to out-do her sisters I suspect! He's hated it his whole life, has to spell it and repeat it every single time he meets anyone or has to fill a form in. He goes by a nickname, his mother the only one that ever uses it!
At least two of my friends go by their middle name - maybe more but I’ve not seen everyone’s passport, its not that unusual.
I’d say the move to secondary school the ideal time to change too.

This year would be a good year to change her name, so that she starts secondary with it in place. But she doesn't need to change it 'officially'. Schools generally accept a 'known as' name.

What about a diminutive? No reason to have to use your full name if you prefer a nickname.

You could add a new name and her original name becomes her middle name. That's my prefered option, having done this myself. I, too, hated my given name at her age. I went by a nickname for years.I added it legally as an adult. Many years later, I now appreciate my original, given, name. I'm even considering using it. I'm actually glad I didn't erase a part of my story. A part that links me to my parents' story.

Have achat with her about what she would like to be called. Be open, but don't erase something on what might be a passing whim.

They should accept the name that you gave them, unless it’s something really ridiculous like Radiator or Coat Hook

Her only idea that she has expressed is the name of one of her friends at school (Stella). She loves this name.

Does she have a middle name?

I think the choice of changing it would be much more clear cut if there was an obvious alternative to change it to.

I think just changing it and coming up with another name that she doesn’t feel a connection with is risky - she might decide she doesn’t like that in a few years. If we all chose our own names at 10 there would definitely be some wacky ones around.

I’m assuming you don’t think it’s a good idea for her to change it to the same as her friend?

Have this with my son’s middle name, thankfully it was a middle name. But he hates it and keeps asking it to be removed, luckily it’s not a first name though.

We said to DC2 thar we would add her choice then her passport was renewed. We did two years later.

My adult son hates his name as its become fashionable in America (and now England)as a female name, which is ironic as its mean is literally 'son of..(dad)'

I always tell him to change it if it bothers him. I wouldn't be offended. In fact I know that if he was born now I wouldn't have choosen that name so can't be upset with him for it!

Yes, the name Stella doesn't bother me. I actually think it's a better choice than the name that I chose almost a decade ago. From an adult perspective, I just think it would be a bit strange for her to suddenly have the same name as her friend. I don't know that I could agree to that as the parent.

Jeez no I wouldn’t agree to a child suddenly wanting the same name as their friend no way. Let her change it when she is bigger if she really wants to

yes it would be strange, but if she really want it then it is settled.
But because name dislike is common at that age, I would let her trial her name before anything official. Tell her and school she's going with Stella for a while and help her when her friendship gets rocky. Maybe she changes her mind. If she really wants it even after a certain while, then you officially change her name.

Why wouldn’t you?

Is it really that she hates her name so much that she wants to change it, or is it more that she’s latched on to the friendship and her friends name? If changing her name to Stella was off the table, would she still go ahead with something else?

I do think it’s sensible to use a new name informally for a while, to make sure it really sticks and is not a whim.

I changed my name as an adult. My parents named me something that I hated from a very young age, as long as I can remember. It actually really affected my self-image. I would never introduce myself because I hated saying my name out loud. I didn’t put my hand up in class because I never wanted a teacher to say my name. As a teenager I had no confidence when my friends were starting to date because I thought any boyfriend would laugh at my name. When I went to university I picked a new name and it really boosted my confidence. Changed it formally in my 20s when I was due to apply for a new passport.

As much as I would support her in changing her name, I would strongly discourage her from choosing her friend's name as that could be a bit weird. Would her friend even be happy about that? They might find it a bit intrusive. It's quite different meeting someone with the same name as yourself, than it would be to hear that someone is changing their name to your own name.

What is it she likes about the name Stella?

If it's the meaning, what about suggesting other names which means star, such as Seren or Esther?

If it's the sound, would she like the similar ending of Bella, or even just Ella itself?

Is it genuinely the name which she loves, or is she just infatuated with this friend and wanting to be more like her in every sense?

I would definitely be supporting her in finding a different name which isn't simply after someone else she's already close to.

I would have loved it if my mother had changed the name that I so disliked when I was younger! It was a long, often misspelt and mispronounced, feminised version of a popular boys' name at the time. As a bonus, the most obvious nickname rhymed with something rude...

I changed my name as an adult, because it took a long time to settle on something that was mature and that I thought that I would like and suit me as an adult. I'm very happy with my 'new' name!

Your DD seems to have a surprisingly mature taste in names for her age! Perhaps you could trial it at home/out and about to start with, and perhaps the 'known as' name at school later on, if she still likes it.