Would our daughter feel left out without the shared family name?

[Threecats460]

My husband and I share the same name, think Joseph and Josephine. We both go by a nickname, think Jo! Boy Jo and girl Jo! It’s a special part of our relationship and despite it not being our choice and we didn’t seek it out, we’ve embraced it as our love story.

We have named our son Joseph Christopher and he exclusively goes by Christopher. Joseph may come up at doctor’s office check in and important things like his baptism, but other than that he’s just Christopher.

Now I am pregnant with a daughter and we’re facing a bit of a conundrum. I’ve always leaned towards my middle name Grace and love it. We were originally thinking of giving daughter the name Grace as her middle name as well. Amelia Grace. However I’m having a change of heart and thinking maybe I want to name her Amelia Josephine to continue the family tradition. I love both Grace and Josephine so I’m honestly happy with either middle name and can’t decide.

Our children would still go by Christopher and Amelia all of the time, so Chris’s first and Amelia’s middle names would just not come up very often but would be a nod to our family.

My question is…do you think my daughter would feel left out if everyone in our family shared a name but her? Or does the sharing a middle with mom suffice?

**note all names are made up so not to base decision on the name itself. Syllables, personal preference etc.

Dad- Joseph Ryan, mom- Josephine Grace, son- Joseph ‘Christopher,’ and daughter- ‘Amelia’ Grace OR….dad- Joseph Ryan, mom- Josephine Grace, son- Joseph ‘Christopher,’ and daughter- ‘Amelia’ Josephine?

Why did you name your son Joseph????

Why not Josephine Amelia, known as Amelia? Like her brother's name.

Grace, all having the same name is a bit odd

Why didn’t you name your son Christopher if that’s what you wanted to call him.

It’s extremely common in my culture for eldest son to be named after father and go by middle name. It’s a strong part of our heritage. I absolutely love my son’s name. And also that he shares with both his mother and father. For our daughters we do not have the same tradition they generally go by their first although I could change this.

I realize this may not be the norm amongst white, Europeans. Other than 100 years ago or more. I know it may be hard for some to believe but not everyone lives the way you live. I just happened to have the same female version of my partners name, which was not planned.

I think you are overthinking this.

I'd give her the middle name Grace and tell her that she was given this because it is your middle name and you love it. Just as you'll tell your son he was called Joseph after his father and because you love it. Presumably both of them will be aware of the cultural reasons for Joseph Christopher too. She won't think that he was inducted into a secret club of Josephs with you two.

Amelia Grace is lovely.

@Pallisers thank you this was a helpful comment and probably something I needed to hear. I know culturally she would understand why my son would share our name. I’ve just never been in this position where it leaves our daughter as the only one in our family who does not have the name incorporated and how that may affect her or how others view the family. Also of course Amelia Grace is made up, however I also thinks it’s very nice.

I currently live in the united states of america and am not wanting to choose a name that will make my children not understood by peers.

Call her Josepha. You don't want her to feel left out.

I think you should go with Josephine Amelia or Grace. Using her middle name all the time as you do with Christopher.

it's not what I'd have done with DS, I'd have named him Christopher Joseph, but as you have, I'd follow the same format with DD. I wouldn't risk her feeling left out.or feeling not as special as DS.

Talk about a drip feed, it's more like a waterfall.

I know it may be hard for some to believe but not everyone lives the way you live

but if you have different cultural norms to the people you're asking, then tell them what they are, don't expect them to be clairvoyant 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

I don’t think it matters since there’s only one sibling with the connection. Just choose the one you like best.

My family has something similar with “C” names and wondering what to do with the second baby. But I think it’s a nice-to-have rather than essential. Especially if it’s something like the “Jose” or “Maria” names where the middle name is almost automatically treated as first.

Just use all three. Amelia Josephine grace surname

Will she definitely be your last child? If so, either is fine. If not, if you go with Josephine, you might end up one child being the only one left out of multiple siblings?

'Grace' is your middle name, right? So you are calling her a 'family' name. And making your own 'love story' (is that the right language?!) just as you made one with your DH's name.

It is quite American to have matchy matchy initials though (no, I'm not just thinking of the Kardasians!)

(But I'm not sure why you wouldn't just name your child the name you want to call it. Rather than all this first name, actually ignore that, it's the middle name confusion .)

(Unless you are super posho -eg Harriet known as Binkums or somesuch).

This.

Odd to be snappy with people who give an opinion - as you asked them to do.

How were we supposed to know your cultural norms without you sharing. As your son has the name based on cultural names and it’s not the cultural norm to apply the same to girls then your daughter should be able to understand that and it will be the same amongst her friends.
Giving her grace includes part of your name so should be fine. Ultimately go with the name you want.

Giving her your middle name is enough. She can have her own first name. I totally understand that your son is named after his dad, and that you didn't plan to marry someone with the male equivalent of your name. But carrying it on and having four Josephs/ Josephines in one house would be silly. What if you had other children down the line?

The bit about your culture was an important dripfeed that I would have added.

If she’s definitely your last child then I’d use Josephine. If you have a third then I’d come up with a name with initials JJ.

You'd be better off asking on a site where your culture is familiar to other users.

Just add both middle names in. My daughter has three middle names ha

Are you from Cyprus? The name thing is common there ( I'm from Cyprus)
My great-grandfather actually broke the tradition and used a different name for my great-grandads surname so our family name was not continued

Joelle, Joanne, Jocylin ?

My sister got the family name (it's a weird boys name) as her middle name; I did not. I think it has felt unfair to both of us.

classic Americans, jumping down people's throat at the slight suggestion they might be disrespecting someone's cultural specificity. Yawn!

Yawn indeed - classic MN right here.