Can nicknames be avoided?

[KJChester]

Is it possible to avoid others calling your young child by a nickname/shortening? I know that nicknames can't be avoided if the child reaches a certain age and prefers one, but I'm only referring to when the child is a baby and toddler. We like the name Cassandra but not the nicknames Cassie and Sandra. There are also other names that we liked but won't consider because the common nicknames are awful. I really don't see the point of nicknames in general. They often are not as nice as the full name. (I know that what I'm referring to are technically called diminutives, but it's easier to say nicknames as everyone will know what I mean.)

You can, but as it’s the name of Rodney’s unattractive wife from ofah, most older people would think it was strange that anyone would use it hence they would shorten it.
By the time they get to junior school it’ll be shortened. SS has a 4 syllable name, his parents used his full name until his sister couldn’t say it then they used the 3rd syllable of his name. By the time he was at senior school all his mates used the first syllable, all from parents who never wanted it to be shortened. His sister had a short name but everyone calls her a nn.

I have a 3 syllable name which my mother would not allow to be shortened by me or anyone else. If friends came round and asked for the shortened version she'd tell them no one lives here of that name and shut the door.
I was amazed to learn that other people had autonomy over their own names

I have a William who doesn’t like Will. He’s 13 and none of his mates shorten it. He’s known by his surname on the sports pitch (as there are five Williams on his team).

I think nicknames are almost inevitable once children start school. As a PP said, long names get shortened, short names get lengthened and surnames and other random things get turned into names. You can only control it so far I think…

If you choose a long name, it's liable to be shortened. If nothing else she might struggle to say it herself when she's little. I have a friend in this position now with her DC- think Elizabeth calling herself Liz.

Our Thomas didn't become 'Tom' until he was much older and generally is 'Thom' pronounced 'Tom' down to parental nudge in that direction.

Re Cassandra - I feel Cassie is probably inevitable long term/teens but I think you can swerve Sandra and should

Yeah I’d say so. My son prefers to use his full name at school and everyone respects that.

DH’s name is typically shortened but not for him. He works in construction so occasionally he will meet someone new and they will try to call him that version but it soon changes when they realise nobody else calls him that and he doesn’t naturally respond to it. Someone actually phoned me once asking to speak to the shortened version of his name, and it caught me so off guard that I didn’t realise who they were talking about! It wasn’t until they included our surname did I realise they meant my DH!
We often get asked if he ever goes by the shortened version but we just say no and that’s usually the end of it.

You said If he’s a boy then as soon as he’s at secondary or on the football pitch he’ll end up with a nn
Which didn't sound like your experience, but something that will happen to all boys. It doesn't. And if people try and use a nickname then you can correct them. It's not a given.

You absolutely can avoid using nicknames. This is something I feel very strongly about. It’s fair enough if the child asks to be called by a nickname or shortened version.

No-one has the right to call your child anything other than their given name. I totally refuse to be called anything but my full name. I have two DDS and wouldn’t let anyone use anything but their full names. If someone tried I corrected them.

They’re both adults now and still insist on their proper names.

All the teenage boys I know have nicknames - I have 3 DDs and so know of many. It was the same when I was a teen. Boys all ended up with one syllable nn. One guy was Skid (took me far too long to realise his actual make was Mark). It happens with girls but they tend to be less insulting.

But this is the thing, as a parent you can’t control it. Dd prefers her full name so does insist (except a year when they all had names of chocolate bars in her group). But if your dc likes their nn then the parents cannot control it.

Up to a point you can control it… I once taught a 10 year old girl called Rebecca. She’d decided she wanted to be known as Becky and the school were happy to do that. The dad came storming in yelling at me for using this name. But at 10 years old, it was her name to decide what to do with it.

Most so-called nicknames are merely shortening of a longer name, not a nickname. But if you always use the longer form and tell others that's her name you shouldn't have a problem until she's old enough to choose. Even then you use the long form! People choose lovely names then say 'nn Al' not Alexander.

You're right, this anecdote would be a very different one if the kids happened to like their abbreviated names. OP may get lucky with a Cassandra who hates being called Cassie, but it's very much a roll of the dice.

I have a three syllable name that gets shortened but not in the classic way- e.g say my name was Tiffany, people wouldn’t call me tiff but would call me T. I think names just take on a world of their own based on the characteristics of the person and what fits them best

edited to add that my mum used to call me the classic shortened version and I hated it, thankfully she’s caught up now and uses the same as everyone else 😆

I think that grandparents, in particular, might be upset if they were too heavily discouraged from shortening a name. It might well feel like a slightly over-controlling attitude to the grandparents' development of their own relationship with the child.
It's just so natural and instinctive to shorten a long name when chattering to a small child that they would have to be constantly checking themselves. That's not really fair, I think. And not really in the best interests of the child, since they need to develop the warmest possible, spontaneous, relationship with their grandparents.
It would be fine to say 'We don't like Cassie', but not to police it more than absolutely minimally.

Personally, I'd encourage Cass as an alternative short form. Cass is nice.

Many of the teenager/now adult boys/men i know have nicknames. Many dont.

And if I matters I have 2 brothers and 2 sons. So also know a lot.

Of course it happens. But its not guaranteed like people always seem to claim.

I think that grandparents, in particular, might be upset if they were too heavily discouraged from shortening a name. It might well feel like a slightly over-controlling attitude to the grandparents' development of their own relationship with the child.
That's just ridiculous.

Not necessarily. DS has an unusual three syllable name and is definitely called by the whole thing on the football pitch.

Ime people will follow your lead, but when you have a big name and a tiny baby you might find that you shorten it yourself.