What do you do if you can't agree?

[firsttimepregnanthelp]

I am a hyper organised person whereas bf is much more laid back and last minute. We are keeping the gender a surprise but I have a c section booked for 3 weeks time and would like a shortlist of names for each gender. Bf thinks we can wait til baby is here to think about names but I dont think I will be in my right mind following birth and getting to grips with motherhood!

I have made lots of suggestions of names to him, none of which he likes. He has suggested about 3 names to me which I am not keen on and one I actively disliked.

What do you do in this situation? I feel stressed that we don't at least have an idea of some names we both like. What if we can't agree???

give baby one name from your list and one from your bf list as a first middle

Definitely don't make a decision post partum.
Post natal hormones are pretty wild 🤣

If you're not married then surely you can choose whatever name you want when you go to register the birth. If you really can't agree then do this.

@GoldenRosebee I mean I like this idea but I am not sure he will be keen!

@Indecisive1011this is my worry! Maybe he is banking on this so I agree to one of his awful names!

@Onadarkwe're not married but I intend on him having PR and he should surely have a say in his child's name.

Of course he should have a say in his child's name but if you really genuinely can't agree then i'm not sure what other option you have to be honest.

I'd just have a chat with him and say look, I'd really like to get some names together before baby is born.
He should respect this.

I agree you can't really name the child without his input. But hopefully he will be open to talking names with you

Mum gets first choice of baby name- she’s doing all the hard work!

We just named them when they arrived (twins) because you don't really know whether they suit the name or not. It changes once they arrive. I'd just wait for bit.

I think Mum’s should get the final say too. Or sit down tonight and think of ten girls and ten boys names each. Work from there.

I had names planned since I was about 10 - and didn’t have kids until my mid thirties so was very clear on what I was after.

We had agreement of names for the first two but the final one I was adamant on a name I liked. Dh wasn’t keen but I was the one that carried and birthed the child so I told him I had final say.

Hes now 17 and his name suits him so perfectly.

so, agree where you can but, in my book, she who puts in the effort gets the final say. I didn’t have a c-section but ftr its major surgery and counts way more than a vaginal birth and let nobody say any different!

I disagree with this!

I wouldn't have liked DH to have not had a say in naming my child

Your partner does get a say, I agree. But if he wants a say he needs to put in the work.

Basically you both need to suggest lots and lots of names you like well enough. Write a list each, at least twenty names to start with. Then discuss each others names and get an idea of what kind of names would be a middle ground, then each try to think of names like that and come back with a new list. You'll eventually find something you both like (but probably neither of you really loves). That's a compromise.

If he won't do this, tell him you will be naming the baby if he's not even prepared to try. Hopefully that will make him shape up!

I agree with pp that you actually need about three names for each sex, then choose one when you meet the baby.

You tell him he’s had months to come up with suggestions (and longer - many people think about it before they’re even trying), and set a deadline for him to come up with a list of at least 5 names for each sex.

You tell him that if he’s not prepared to do this then it’s an indication that he’s not interested enough to have a say in the matter and you will be making the decision by yourself if he chooses not to participate in the discussion process.

Whose surname will the child have?
If it’s his they you have the final say on the first name.

Give the baby your surname.

Have a look on the baby name regrets thread for examples of what happens when the father insists that his choice of name is used.

Good grief yes. Do not use a surname other that your own. If you are married that might also be the father's name, but if you aren't then it won't be. You have grown and birthed a baby - it deserves your name.

If you marry the father, the child's surname can be changed quite straightforwardly then.
If you give the child a name that you aren't happy with and split up from the father, you can't change it without his consent.

Nobody expects to split up but many couples do.

You keep going until you find some names you both like.

Sit down with a baby names book and two different coloured pens, put check marks on the ones you like and he likes. Names with two checks are your short list.

I entirely disagree that Mums should have more say on the name (unless the father is uninvolved). You are going to have to agree on hundreds of things together over the life of this child - might as well get started.

We had a shared list on our phones so we could each add or veto names whenever something came to mind throughout the pregnancy. Occasionally we would look at it together. By the birth we'd narrowed down one that we both accepted. It wasn't a top choice for either of us but it was a compromise, and now it's become our child's name we are very happy with it.

There’s an app called Kinder he might engage with (I think basically you’re going to have to tell him you want names decided in the next week or two and if he won’t participate, then he’s opting out).
Anyway, the app works by syncing your phones and suggests names at you which you like or dislike - if you both click “like” on a name it will show it to you as a match.

I chose baby's name told him that was baby's name unless he could offer a suitable alternative, he did not. So our baby was named what I had chosen. Although he had never offered a single name, just said he disliked all my choices.

Choose three names you like, including middle name. White them down in full and tell him to choose one before baby is born or you will.

Or you choose first name, he chooses middle.

If its an absolute stale mate and no agreement can be made, the person being cut open gets the final say.

You decide on a few names that you love.
Then you can relax.

Do not compromise and agree to a name that DP chooses post partum. It's better to wait and name the child weeks after.

Pick first, second and your surname - full names that you love.

When it comes to naming the child, you have the choice of using DP's surname if you really like it and of not using a name that you know DP totally dislikes.

Does he really hate all of your names or is he just vetoing to get one of his picked.

id take the view that he can choose a name off your list, but if he can’t compromise then you will pick. Whatever happens use your surname, you can easily change should he wish to marry you. Don’t allow a promise of marriage to sway you in this-it doesn’t happen until you are wed

Toss a coin

You keep going until you find one you both like. Each of you keep writing list and cross off any you dislike from the others list and see what is keft. If nothing keep adding more.

also try using the baby names app. You each get it and swipe left /right on names and it tells you whenever you get a match. That’s how we named our first - it was a name neither of us had thought of