Struggling to choose a baby name – how did you narrow it down?

[Raheemkhan]

Hi everyone,
I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with baby names at the moment. We have a shortlist but nothing is really clicking yet.
Did you go with a family name, meaning, uniqueness, or just a name you loved the sound of?
Also curious — did anyone regret choosing something too popular or too unusual later on?
Would love to hear how you finally decided 😊

How long do you have left to decide?

I would personally choose a name that you love, and I wouldn’t worry about it being unique or popular. I wouldn’t go out of my way to try and find a unique name that I didn’t love, and just liked. I also wouldn’t turn a name down that i absolutely wanted to use just because it’s in the top 20 right now.

I just think “I knew” when choosing our baby names, if there were names that didn’t click even if I liked them then I would of thought it’s not the right one

For us there were very few names we both liked, so that automatically narrowed it down to a small list. For DS we thought we had decided on quite an unusual name if he was a boy, but then when he was born we changed our minds. I don’t regret giving either of my DCs popular names and DD has always been known by the shortened version anyway. They’re popular because they’re nice names is how I see it.

Honestly, I can't say how we chose a name except that it just had to be "right". The only real criteria was that it had to mean something positive. For example, no matter how pretty the name "Amelia" might sound it wasn't ever going on the list because it means "no limbs".

I am also drawn to more unusual names. It wasn't a requirement as such but I am definitely less inclined to consider a popular name.

I was really stuck on this pregnancy but we've settled on the name that we just keep coming back to. I've had my doubts about it but we've started referring to the bump by name and it does feel like her name now.

I have friends who have drawn up a shortlist and waited to see "what the baby looks like" when they arrive which also feels like a lovely way of doing things!

DH and I worked carefully though the book of baby names and and discussed pros and cons and finally settled on a shortlist of names we both liked, 5 girls names and 5 boys.

When DD was born we picked one out of the hat that "felt right" and wasn't on the list at all 😂

I would say, don’t ask anyone’s opinions in real life.

I wrote a list, he wrote a list. We crossed off any that weren’t on both. You could always see what suits them when they’re born. One of mine didn’t get named for two days as I had to think about it.

I just knew. It felt like the name of my child.
Then picked a middle name, made sure both fit with the surname, made sure the initials didn’t spell anything ridiculous and double checked the meaning of the name so it wasn’t anything like “common rat found in alleys from 1700s”.

Neither of my children’s names are (or have ever) been in the top 100 but they’re still established names with normal spellings and we’ve had lots of people say they’re lovely names.

Top tip, don’t discuss name choices with anyone. They’ll make you hate your favourite name.

I didn’t know the sex of my babies before birth so had to wait until birth to finally decide.

for my second we had to change our top pick when she arrived as it just didn’t suit her.

Id have a short list and then see what fits the baby when they arrive.

We were allowed an extra 2 weeks to register DD’s name, call or pop into the registration office and ask.

DD had a different name every day for weeks and weeks. None of the beautiful, elegant names we had shortlisted suited her. Finally one name seemed to suit her and then her middle name came minutes later.

Try each first name with the surname.

Avoid any that sound silly or ones where there might be a hidden word (e.g. Isaac Cox, Rowan Kerr, Jo(e) King, Honor Hill).
If applicable, check for eliding R (e.g. Freya Agnew, Sarah Atkins) and dropped Hs e.g. (Nathan Heath).
Check the initials - avoid ones like ICK, PIG, DOG, BJ etc.

Start a thread on the first name but use a slightly different surname e.g. Carne instead of Khan or White instead of Wright.

(apologies for lack of diversity in name examples)

For example, no matter how pretty the name "Amelia" might sound it wasn't ever going on the list because it means "no limbs".
It doesn’t . It means ‘worker’ or ‘strive’. Can’t find any reference to it meaning ‘no limbs’ !!

@Tessa92 , Amelia (birth defect) - Wikipedi

I always liked (and therefore bookmarked) the suggestion by @squashinthepinkcup on the first page of this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/baby_names/5153848-boy-names-that-work-in-english-and-german?reply=137911994&utm_campaign=reply&utm_medium=share

Sounded like a fun way to connect with your partner and make a decision at the same time.

We looked through the top 200 names for inspiration and wrote down names we liked from that list and our own ideas too. Then we crossed off any names that we didn’t like from each other’s lists, and any that didn’t work with the surname or used by our close friends or family. We also crossed out names where we knew of multiple children locally with the same name. First daughter and son named easily this way - they felt instantly “right”. Second daughter we were stuck between several names that we liked, but to be honest we only decided when she was born and the midwife asked if she had a name yet, and I just said the first of the several options that came to mind! And it stuck! I still sometimes wonder if one of the other names would have been better 😂

We had a long list and each week I asked DH to choose one name to cross off the list. This got us to a choice of two which we kept until baby was born. We knew instantly which name to choose.

I will add though, the name we chose was my number one name but I tried not to focus on it too much as I wasn’t 100% sure I was making the right choice or if it was hormones. It was only when he jokingly suggested removing that name that I realised how strongly I felt about it. We still kept our two options until baby was born though - just in case.

With all 3 of mine I knew I didn't want something popular so I thought I avoided that. Turned out eldest's name has been in the top 100 for years 😂 but you know, better for me than top 10 so I'm over it. Just about 💀😂
Their dad and I are quite geeky so initially we had names we each liked but also went through lots of films/games for name inspo. We both loved one name but I wasn't in love with it so compromised on a derivative of it, plus used a family name for the middle name.
Pretty similar story for child 2, except it was somehow so much more difficult! We went through music artists, book characters, film characters/their actors, games and nothing stood out that we agreed on. And then one day I sang a theme song from a kid's programme from when I was little, and we looked at each other and said that's the one, that's the name. Quite uncommon. Also given a family name as a middle name.
Third child has the most unusual, in that it was a name I made up as a teen. Always stuck with me, and as far as I am aware, is the only child with that name. I do Google occasionally 😂 their middle name is a variation of a friend's name whi sadly passed while I was pregnant with 3rd.

When you're vocal about name choices before birth, you will inevitably get people that hate the name. While I am very much in camp 'fuxk you, it's my child', it can be discouraging and disheartening too, constantly getting pushback.
I don't regret any of my children's names, they've all got different vibes, there's no matching or theme to them beyond their middle names having personal connections.
Just remember, you're going to be shouting this name for the rest of your life, pick one that sounds good if you're happy or mad 😂😂

My friend had a pretty name lined up if she had a baby girl. She had a boy, so as my husband had said he liked the name too, I was delighted to pinch it!

I had a shortlist of names. (I didn't know what sex child I was having until they were bornl.
I was able to see which name from the shortlist suited them when I saw them.

I didn't feel any need or compulsion to have a name confirmed ahead of their arrival.

DC1's middle name was chosen before their first name and we had a list of three first names to choose from by the time they arrived. In the end, it was a choice between two and DH felt one of the names suited DC1 best so we went with that. Twenty years later and they're mostly known by a shortened version of their name and are glad we didn't pick the other name on the list! We'd decided DC2's name before they arrived. It was chosen because of its meaning and because it just felt right.

Our DCs' names don't match or have the same origins but do both have the same number of syllables (not deliberately) and weren't in the top 50 when we used them although one of them has climbed a fair bit since. We wanted names that had definite endings (not 'uh' or 'ee' sounds) and that could be shortened.

My first I had it picked out since I was a kid and always loved the name. My second was harder because I couldn’t find anything I liked as much as dd1s name. There was almost no names that dh and I both liked. The name we agreed on he loved and I liked it but didn’t love it. I still don’t now but also can’t think of any better.

I very deliberately looked at previous five years of ONS baby name lists. I outright rejected any name in top 20. Teachers will tell you, if there are five girls called Sophie and four boys called Jack (for example) they end up being Sophie (first letter of last name) and after a few years of that, the kids themselves end up annoyed at being one of four or five Sophie’s.

Boys name was chosen (by me!) years before I even met DH. I’ve always loved it and it suits my son. Good timeless name.

Girl’s name wasn’t on the shortlist but I had an epiphany at my 20 week scan when I knew she was a girl. It wasnt set in stone until the day she was born, and then it seemed even more apt.

One of the things that narrowed it down for me was the local accent, which I don’t love and which (to my ears) makes some names sound harsh/abrupt. Ruled loads out.

My advice if you’re not sure is not to decide. You’ll choose one when they arrive.

We didn’t know the sex beforehand with either of ours.

With DC1 DH really wanted to use a family name if they were a boy. We had about 3 names for girls. DS arrived and was given the family name. It’s fairly common but he was the only one in his class all through school and is the only one in his friendship group at Uni.

With DC2 we had about boys name which we both adored but couldn’t settle on a girls name. She arrived and DH was holding her and looking at her face and said what about “*”, a name I’d suggested previously and utterly love but he had rejected.

Totally agree with the PP who said to think about the local accent. I’m not a fan of alliteration in names so that also ruled out a few names. Also spell out their initials and name. Our family name can have some unfortunate words if you have certain initials…

Asking your MW if a name is popular is usually a good shout too. They’ll know if every baby born in your town over the last 12 months has the same name and plan on going to local Playgroups before LO arrives. One, you’ll get to meet sone local Mums and they’ll be really happy for you when LO arrives and two, you’ll see how many gave the name you’re thinking of using.

my husband suggested our daughters middle name be in honour his nan (Violet) which I loved. That helped a little because when thinking of first names did it flow with middle name and surname.

For the majority of my pregnancy my husband and I would suggest names to each other and if we both thought it was a contender we’d put it on our list. By the time I gave birth we had about 5 names we’d narrowed it down to.

When our daughter was here we went through those names and one in particular really suited her.

We picked 2 names that we really liked and decided after the birth.